Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Man's Tongue Will Never Trip Over Girlfriends' Same Names
DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Wife No. 2 in Texas," who gets upset when her husband slips and calls her by his first wife's name, reminded me of an old boyfriend of mine.
After calling his girlfriend "Diane" by his previous girlfriend's name, he decided it would be easier to only date girls named "Diane." I was Diane No. 2. He is now married to Diane No. 3. -- DIANE NO. 2, IN OHIO
DEAR DIANE THE SECOND: I told "Wife No. 2" to buy some "Hello, My Name Is (___)" stickers and plaster one on her shoulder and one on her nightie, and that would get her message across without being heavy-handed.
Her husband's lapse is very common. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: Brains are complicated organs and get "wired" after years of marriage. That old linkage doesn't just disappear, and on rare occasions when a neuron misfires, the old name may get inserted into a sentence. It's unintentional, almost impossible to avoid and doesn't mean a blessed thing. I hope the wife lets go of her resentment and forgives her husband before she damages the relationship. -- BRUCE IN EVANSTON, ILL.
DEAR BRUCE: So do I.
DEAR ABBY: My husband has made these slips of the tongue for almost 35 years. His first wife died long before I met him. I have called him by my first husband's name, too. I think it's only natural.
One of our sons is divorced and remarried, and he has done the same thing. It's just force of habit. My advice to "Wife No. 2" is ... get over it! Don't sweat the small stuff. -- BEEN THERE, DONE THAT ... MANY TIMES!
DEAR BT, DT, MT: You're right. I have done it too -- and so has MY husband. We laugh about it when it happens.
DEAR ABBY: Until I was 8 years old, I shared a bed with my brother, Arthur. From then on, I slept alone until I was married. On a few occasions, usually when I was half-asleep, I called my beloved young wife Arthur. I'm happy to say she took it with good humor.
You suggested a light-hearted solution, and that's the key. To become furious over such a trivial offense is bad both for her marriage and her health. -- M.L., M.D. IN N.Y.
DEAR DOCTOR L: Laughter is the best medicine. And it's a prescription everyone can afford.
DEAR ABBY: I was raised by parents who often called our female dog by my name, and me by hers because we were always together. I adore my two daughters, but I sometimes draw a blank on their names. It has become a family joke. I am not old or senile, but name confusion is not all that uncommon. And it's certainly not meant to be a slight. -- DERRY, N.H., READER
DEAR READER: It used to happen to me occasionally when I was dating. I know first-hand how embarrassing it can be. The only thing that's worse is to completely draw a blank.
DEAR ABBY: I am Wife No. 4. My husband's first wife and I have the same first name. His second and third also had the same first name. He calls me "Hon." -- LINDA IN COVINGTON, IND.
DEAR LINDA: Now there's a sweet -- and safe -- solution.
DEAR ABBY: I was married for nearly 20 years. I know from experience that what happened to Wife No. 2 is simply the result of a deeply ingrained habit. After my wife and I divorced, I met a wonderful, kind man. We have been together nearly five years. As dearly as I love him, I have called him by my ex-wife's name. -- GAY AND HAPPY IN N.C.
DEAR G AND H: Thank you for some straight talk on a sensitive subject.
Dad Disconnects Teen's Plan to Ask His Daughter for a Date
DEAR ABBY: I am a junior on the high school football team. "Amy" is one of our school's cheerleaders. We get along great and I want to ask her out. The problem is, I called Amy's house and asked to talk to her, but her father wouldn't let her come to the phone until I gave him my full name and told him where I was from. He made me nervous, and before I could answer, he hung up on me. Did I do anything wrong? -- JACK THE JOCK IN JERSEY
DEAR JACK: You didn't "do" anything wrong. However, there are certain rules of telephone courtesy, and you failed to follow them. I list them all in my booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know." This booklet may be ordered by sending a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Some telephone tips from my teen booklet:
1. When you call, identify yourself immediately and ask for the person with whom you wish to speak. ("Hello, Mrs. Jones. This is Jack Smith. May I please speak to Amy?") Remember to speak up and sound confident. Don't mumble. Don't make anyone guess who you are; that's childish. If you are afraid you'll be so nervous you'll forget your telephone manners, write down what you want to say before you call. Then read it!
2. Always make the call yourself. If you haven't the courage to call and ask for a date yourself, then you aren't old enough to date.
3. If you're calling to ask for a date, specify the day and time, and explain what you have in mind so the person you are inviting will know what to wear.
4. Do not call at the last minute. It reduces your chances for an acceptance. ("Gee! You should have called sooner. I've promised to baby-sit tonight.")
Pay attention to these basic rules. They will come in handy for the rest of your life and the telephone will be your ally.
DEAR ABBY: I am 27 years old and I'm having flashbacks. At night, when I try to go to sleep, I see my ex-husband beating me, and other nights I relive my miscarriage. It has been six years since it happened, and I don't know why it is still bothering me. My nightmares are worse now than they have ever been.
Abby, I don't know how to stop these pictures in my head. Shouldn't I have gotten over these things by now?
I am now engaged, and my fiance is the greatest. I don't want to hurt him by obsessing about my hurtful past. Is there anything I can do? -- CONFUSED IN MICHIGAN
DEAR CONFUSED: Sometimes, when someone has experienced extreme trauma -- physical violence and a miscarriage would both qualify -- that person needs professional help to put it to rest and get past it. Pick up the phone and ask the operator for the number of the nearest rape crisis hotline. They offer counseling for the kind of physical and emotional battering you received, and it won't matter that it happened six years ago. Please don't wait to make the call. Help is available for you.
Amber Alert Jump Starts Swift Response to Child Abductions
DEAR ABBY: Time is the enemy when a child is abducted. To help in the search, communities must mobilize quickly. That is why it's critical that every community have an AMBER Alert plan. Understanding how it works may save a child's life.
AMBER Alert was named to honor the memory of 9-year-old Amber Hagerman, who was abducted and murdered in Arlington, Texas, seven years ago.
Outraged following her brutal murder, the community was determined to fight back. One day, during a local talk radio show, some listeners called in and suggested that radio stations use the Emergency Alert System to warn the public about abductions in the same way they do tornadoes. At that moment, the idea to create an early warning system for child abductions was born, proving that just a few people can make a difference in effecting change.
In 2001, the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC) launched a campaign to roll out the AMBER Alert program across America. At that time, there were only 27 such programs in the United States. Today, the program has grown to 93 plans, 46 of them statewide. It has also been adopted in parts of Canada and England. One hundred children have been recovered since the program began in 1996.
Today, the AMBER program (which stands for America's Missing: Broadcast Emergency Response) has become a successful partnership between law enforcement agencies and radio and television stations to activate emergency bulletins to the public when a child is abducted and believed to be in danger.
I hope you will engage your readers to promote this worthy program in their communities. -- ERNIE ALLEN, PRESIDENT, NCMEC
DEAR ERNIE: Thank you for an important letter. If ever a Dear Abby column should be kept in a safe place where it can be immediately accessible in an emergency, this is it. My readers are the most caring, concerned -- and engaged -- people in the world. I am sure they recognize the importance of the AMBER Alert system. With that in mind, here is what parents should do to better safeguard their children:
1. Keep a complete description of your child on hand.
2. Update it by taking color photographs of your child every six months.
3. Keep copies of your child's fingerprints -- prepared by law enforcement.
4. Keep a sample of your child's DNA, such as several strands of hair.
5. Know where your child's medical records are located.
6. Have your dentist prepare and maintain dental charts for your child.
IF YOUR CHILD GOES MISSING:
1. Immediately report your child to your local law enforcement agency.
2. Ask the law enforcement agency to enter your child into the National Crime Information Center (NCIC) Missing Persons File.
3. Limit access to your home until law enforcement arrives and has the opportunity to collect possible evidence.
4. Give law enforcement investigators all the information you have on your child, including fingerprints, photographs, complete description and the facts and circumstances related to the disappearance.
5. Call NCMEC at 1-800-THE LOST (1-800-843-5678).
Readers, more safety information can be obtained in "Personal Safety for Children -- A Guide for Parents" by visiting the NCMEC Web site: www.missingkids.com. It is available in English or Spanish.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)