For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Amber Alert Jump Starts Swift Response to Child Abductions
DEAR ABBY: Time is the enemy when a child is abducted. To help in the search, communities must mobilize quickly. That is why it's critical that every community have an AMBER Alert plan. Understanding how it works may save a child's life.
AMBER Alert was named to honor the memory of 9-year-old Amber Hagerman, who was abducted and murdered in Arlington, Texas, seven years ago.
Outraged following her brutal murder, the community was determined to fight back. One day, during a local talk radio show, some listeners called in and suggested that radio stations use the Emergency Alert System to warn the public about abductions in the same way they do tornadoes. At that moment, the idea to create an early warning system for child abductions was born, proving that just a few people can make a difference in effecting change.
In 2001, the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC) launched a campaign to roll out the AMBER Alert program across America. At that time, there were only 27 such programs in the United States. Today, the program has grown to 93 plans, 46 of them statewide. It has also been adopted in parts of Canada and England. One hundred children have been recovered since the program began in 1996.
Today, the AMBER program (which stands for America's Missing: Broadcast Emergency Response) has become a successful partnership between law enforcement agencies and radio and television stations to activate emergency bulletins to the public when a child is abducted and believed to be in danger.
I hope you will engage your readers to promote this worthy program in their communities. -- ERNIE ALLEN, PRESIDENT, NCMEC
DEAR ERNIE: Thank you for an important letter. If ever a Dear Abby column should be kept in a safe place where it can be immediately accessible in an emergency, this is it. My readers are the most caring, concerned -- and engaged -- people in the world. I am sure they recognize the importance of the AMBER Alert system. With that in mind, here is what parents should do to better safeguard their children:
1. Keep a complete description of your child on hand.
2. Update it by taking color photographs of your child every six months.
3. Keep copies of your child's fingerprints -- prepared by law enforcement.
4. Keep a sample of your child's DNA, such as several strands of hair.
5. Know where your child's medical records are located.
6. Have your dentist prepare and maintain dental charts for your child.
IF YOUR CHILD GOES MISSING:
1. Immediately report your child to your local law enforcement agency.
2. Ask the law enforcement agency to enter your child into the National Crime Information Center (NCIC) Missing Persons File.
3. Limit access to your home until law enforcement arrives and has the opportunity to collect possible evidence.
4. Give law enforcement investigators all the information you have on your child, including fingerprints, photographs, complete description and the facts and circumstances related to the disappearance.
5. Call NCMEC at 1-800-THE LOST (1-800-843-5678).
Readers, more safety information can be obtained in "Personal Safety for Children -- A Guide for Parents" by visiting the NCMEC Web site: www.missingkids.com. It is available in English or Spanish.
Couple's Talk of Commitment May Take Unexpected Turn
DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Lowell" for more than a year. He's a college graduate with a professional job. We have begun talking marriage, and I am thrilled, but I have one concern: Lowell believes he is from another planet.
When Lowell first mentioned it, I laughed and said, "I thought there was something different about you." The trouble is, he isn't joking! (This is ridiculous because his parents are alive, and I know he was born in Chicago.) Lowell insists that he is "special" and I should feel honored that he loves me.
Last night was the final straw. He said it to my brother and his wife, and they looked at him as if he WAS from another planet. When we got back to my apartment we had a huge fight. I told him never to mention that ludicrous story again to anyone. He insists that if we are going to spend the rest of our lives together, I have to accept him for who he is.
Abby, I love Lowell, but I can't have him telling our friends and family -- and our future children -- that he is from another galaxy. What should I do? -- NOT EASY BEING AN EARTH GIRL
DEAR NOT EASY: I have heard of men who are "out of this world," but not in the sense that Lowell is trying to convey. Before discussing marriage any further, talk to Lowell's mother and find out how long he's been nursing this delusion. We all want to be "special," but your young man has taken it to an extreme. His insistence that you should feel "honored" that he loves you is another red flag.
I often advise premarital counseling for couples who are considering marriage. In this case, it should be with a psychotherapist who can identify what Lowell's problem is before it becomes YOUR problem. If he refuses to go, my advice to you is to give him some "space."
DEAR ABBY: I have been a school bus driver for 11 years. I am responsible for the safety of students traveling to and from school. I am writing because I am alarmed at the number of drivers who do not stop when they see a school bus with flashing red lights.
The law says any time a school bus is stopped with its red lights flashing, all cars must stop. Even drivers going the opposite direction on a divided or four-lane highway must stop.
It normally takes no more than one minute for children to get on or off the bus. What's a minute when it comes to the life of a child? -- CONCERNED BUS DRIVER IN OKLAHOMA
DEAR CONCERNED BUS DRIVER: Thank you for your timely reminder. School is back in session -- and no appointment is more important than safeguarding the lives of children.
So slow down, folks! Ya move too fast. This generation's gotta last. (With apologies to Simon and Garfunkel!)
DEAR ABBY: I am a 16-year-old girl who has a wonderful grandfather. He insists that I read your column every day. In fact, he calls me up in the afternoon and quizzes me about the letters just to make sure I have read them.
To prove to him that I do read your column, would you please print this and let him know that I think he is an awesome grandfather and that I feel lucky to have him?
(Now I can call and quiz HIM to see if he's read your column today!) -- A.R. IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR A.R.: With pleasure! Please let me know if your discerning and well-read grandfather passes the quiz!
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)
to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)
FATHER HESITATES TO TELL SON HIS MOTHER WILL BE IN PRISON
DEAR ABBY: I am a 31-year-old father of a 2-year-old son, "Joey." Joey has been living with me since my ex-wife, "Kathy," was indicted on federal charges that range from drug trafficking to money laundering.
Abby, I know I am a good father, but I am upset with Kathy for leaving me alone to raise Joey. My son needs his mother, too. Joey will be an adult when she is finally released from prison. My problem is, what do I say to Joey now when he asks, "Where's Mommy?" -- HALF EMPTY IN TEXAS
DEAR HALF EMPTY: Assure your son that his mother loves him and would be with him if she could, but that she had to go away for a while. It's the truth -- without any traumatizing details.
When he gets older, answer his questions as he asks them. In the meantime, I recommend that you investigate parent support groups. Parents Without Partners is a good one. For the chapter nearest you, call (800) 637-7974.
DEAR ABBY: I am a baby boomer. I seem to be regressing to my hippie days of the '60s -- growing my hair long, wearing peasant blouses and buying CDs of the Beatles and The Band. I dwell on the past and feel my best years are behind me. Am I in trouble here? Is this normal? Do any of your other "baby boomer" readers feel the same way? -- FLOWER CHILD IN NEW YORK
DEAR FLOWER CHILD: Everyone, at one time or another, idealizes the past and yearns for their "carefree" formative years. (In the haze of memory, most of the difficulties are minimized.) Many people still carry the '60s in their hearts and continue to enjoy the music. (A lot of them now wear business attire and carry briefcases.)
If you truly feel your best years are behind you, it's time to examine the reason why. Counseling will help you get to the root of it.
DEAR ABBY: You challenged readers to send you examples of social blunders. Here's mine:
An elderly friend with whom I was very close was sent to an assisted living facility by daughters who rarely visit her. Shortly thereafter, I received a request from one of them asking for memorabilia, photographs or poems for her mother's 80th birthday.
I was horrified when the woman added, "Then we can kill two birds with one stone and display them at her memorial service." What bad taste. Needless to say, I sent nothing but my good wishes. -- APPALLED IN MONTANA
DEAR APPALLED: I'm all for planning ahead, but planning someone's funeral while the person is in reasonably good health strikes me as rushing things a bit. However, for your friend's sake, you should have sent a small photograph or a personal note to mark the happy occasion of the birthday.
DEAR ABBY: My wife had an affair two years ago. She refuses to tell me the name of the man. We have worked hard to rebuild our marriage, and I want to forgive her, but unless I know who he is, I cannot fully trust her again.
I think I am owed the truth. She says there's no reason for me to know, but that she will follow your advice. -- WONDERING WHO IN OHIO
DEAR WONDERING: You have a right to know the truth. If your wife doesn't 'fess up, you will suspect every man with whom she has any contact. As long as you resist the urge to retaliate, it may help you achieve closure.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)