Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
MAN'S INTERNET MASQUERADE LURES TEEN INTO ROMANCE
DEAR ABBY: I am the mother of a 15-year-old girl who is in ninth grade. She has been chatting with a man on the Internet for the last 10 months. He said he was a teenager. However, we have recently learned that he is 30-plus, married, and the father of a 4-year-old child. He says he is going to divorce his wife and marry my daughter.
We have tried to make her understand that this relationship won't work. She insists they are both waiting for her to turn 18 so they can be married.
My husband and I are devastated. Can you please make her understand the pros and cons? I'm begging with tears in my eyes. She won't listen to us. -- BROKENHEARTED MOM IN VIRGINIA
DEAR BROKENHEARTED: Pick up the phone and inform the police that your underage daughter is being stalked by an Internet predator. He belongs in jail. And they can help to ensure that he winds up there. Pronto.
DEAR ABBY: I am 20 and used to be an outgoing, smart and attractive female. I planned to attend college, but I put it off because of a tight money situation at home.
After I turned 18, I began to have what I think are panic attacks. I don't sleep well and wake up during the night sweating and shaking. I'm nervous around people, short-tempered, can't make decisions, and I'm paranoid.
A few months ago, I told my mother that I think I need to see a doctor. She acted concerned, but never mentioned it again. I am getting worse every day. Some days I wish I would die. I know this isn't normal. What can I do? Whom do I see? -- BARELY HERE IN INDIANA
DEAR BARELY HERE: Your mother may have assumed that since you didn't mention it again that you were feeling better. It's time to pick up a phone and schedule a consultation with your doctor. You need a thorough physical examination and a psychological assessment. Please don't wait.
If you are not employed or do not have health insurance, you may qualify for Medicaid. Contact your state or county medical assistance office to see if you meet the eligibility requirements.
DEAR ABBY: My 85-year-old husband is a cash cow for charities. For years, he has given away all of his Social Security money to charitable causes. He says, "If I don't give, who will?" He says we "don't really need" the money. Abby, he gives away more than $15,000 a year!
I am 80. My blood pressure is going through the roof. We live on a fixed income, but he thinks since it's "his" money, he can give it away as he sees fit. He seems to be on everyone's list. He spreads the letters out in a semicircle around his chair every day and sends them all $50 checks! Help! -- GOING BROKE IN MARYLAND
DEAR G.B.: Talk to an accountant or a trusted lawyer and explain what's going on. Perhaps if he hears it from a professional, your husband will be more receptive to the message. If that fails, he may need a conservator.
Also, your wills can be written so that whatever is left in your estate after you are both gone will be left to charities.
Mail Carriers Brave Rain, Sleet, but Stop at Spiders
DEAR ABBY: I am a postal carrier. Today I left warnings in the mailboxes of six houses on my route because I found spiders inside. Three of the spiders were black widows. I know because I saw the red hourglass markings on them before they scurried to the back of the box.
Spiders love mailboxes. They nest and lay eggs there. I don't necessarily have to reach inside the boxes to deliver mail, but my customers always do in order to retrieve it.
People usually remember to spray their yards and garages for insects, but they tend to overlook the one place where they directly place their hands and arms.
Please warn your readers to take a minute to spray in, around and underneath their mailboxes -- especially if they see a cobweb. It could prevent suffering a poisonous bite or an allergic reaction, which, in some cases, could prove to be fatal. -- A LAS VEGAS MAIL CARRIER
DEAR MAIL CARRIER: Thank you for an important warning. I know Las Vegas is the gambling capital of the world, but no one should have to gamble when collecting the mail.
DEAR ABBY: My ex-wife and I divorced after 29 years. Both of us made a mess of our marriage. Three years of marriage counseling couldn't undo the infidelity and multiple personal problems we had accumulated. There is still a deep reservoir of hurt and anger over those years, but both of us have moved on with other relationships.
The problem is for the past 16 years, my daughter, "Lili," has lived with her mother, who apparently filled her head with all of my transgressions. Lili refuses to have anything to do with me. Nothing I did was any worse than what her mother did -- but, of course, Lili wasn't hearing that side of the story.
My sons and I get along well. They seem to understand that neither of their parents was an angel. They accept my ex and me, warts and all. Even though we live 3,000 miles apart, I send my daughter birthday cards, gifts for her birthday, Christmas and Valentine's Day, etc. She ignores me -- and the silence hurts.
I don't deserve this kind of treatment. Should I continue trying to reach out to her? Or should I just forget I have a daughter? Sixteen years of a one-way relationship is heartbreaking. -- IMPERFECT POP IN PHILADELPHIA
DEAR POP: By not acknowledging your conciliatory gestures, your daughter is sending you a message. Accept it. I agree, 16 years of rejection is enough. Perhaps one day your daughter will get the full story from her brothers and come to understand the multiple reasons why you and your wife divorced. In the meantime, please don't set yourself up to be hurt again and again.
DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 30 years. My wife and I have not had sex for the past 20 of them. We have no children.
My wife does like undressing in front of me, but then she quickly covers herself. We are always friendly -- very friendly -- to each other. At night we sleep in the same bed, but we do not mention sex, and have not mentioned it for 20 years. Can you give me some advice? -- READER IN SAN FRANCISCO
DEAR READER: Only this: Mention sex! Since you are on friendly terms, you are long overdue for a frank discussion regarding both of your feelings on this important subject. Perhaps she has been waiting for you to bring it up.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Wife Scratching Her Head Over Soldier Itching to Fight
DEAR ABBY: My husband has been in the Army for eight years and has never had the opportunity to serve overseas. His unit is now at the top of Uncle Sam's list for overseas deployment, and I am scared to death. He was recently offered a full-time position with the Air Force, where he would be stateside until he retires.
We have three children under the age of 3. I know that more than anything my children and I need him around. He refuses to even consider the offer and can't wait to go into combat and leave us behind. This has caused many arguments during the past few months, but he still won't budge.
As a soldier's wife, I know there are sacrifices to be made, but am I selfish to want him to stay here at home where it's safe? -- SOLDIER'S WIFE IN COLORADO
DEAR SOLDIER'S WIFE: Selfish? No. Human, yes. However, your husband is career military -- and the possibility of combat is a reality that goes along with it. It will take courage and resiliency on your part, but you will not face the separation -- or the risk -- alone. The families of everyone in your husband's unit, not to mention those already deployed, experience the same separation anxiety. I hope you all can emotionally support each other. There is strength in numbers.
DEAR ABBY: As my mother lay dying, one of her female friends asked her what she intended to do with her condo "when the time came." Mother was dumbfounded, but politely responded that she did not know -- she would leave those details up to her three adult children.
Mother passed away two months ago. This same "friend" sent our family a sympathy card. Inside she wrote: "What do you plan to do with the unit in Orlando? We have friends who would like to buy it. Let us know ASAP and we'll put them in touch with you."
Abby, how would you respond to this? -- APPALLED IN FLORIDA
DEAR APPALLED: This "friend" has set a new record for tactlessness and insensitivity.
How would I respond? If I wanted to sell the condo, I'd notify a Realtor and have him or her contact this friend. Alternatively, if I wanted to retain the condo, I'd ignore that "sympathy" card.
DEAR ABBY: I am a senior in high school and I'm worried about my best friend, "Holly." She's started hanging with some raunchy guys who get into all sorts of trouble. Holly insists that she "connects" with them on many levels. It's a well-known fact that the guy she's now dating carries a gun.
I've tried to tell Holly how scared I am for her and that she could do better, but she refuses to listen. Should I continue to be her friend in spite of all these dangerous circumstances? -- WORRIED AND CONFUSED
DEAR WORRIED AND CONFUSED: It is time to start backing off. Whether she realizes it or not, Holly is headed for serious trouble -- and you must not get caught in the crossfire, literally or figuratively.
Tell your parents what's going on right away. With luck, they'll inform her parents, and if this is happening on school grounds, the principal and the police should also be notified.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)