To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
TEENS RACING TO BE PARENTS SHOULD SHIFT TO SLOWER GEAR
DEAR ABBY: I am 14 and ready to have a baby. My boyfriend, "Matt," is 16 and says he is ready, too. You should see how sweet and considerate he is around children.
As soon as Matt gets his car fixed, we are leaving New Jersey and not looking back. Before we go, I'd like to know what you think, Abby. Do you think I am ready to have a baby and raise it? -- A.M. IN N.J.
DEAR A.M.: Babies are a full-time job because they are completely dependent. You and Matt would be doing your future children a huge favor if you both complete your educations and become financially stable before embarking on this "project."
I have long urged women to be financially independent before having children. Matt may be a terrific young man, but what would happen to you and the baby if something were to happen to him? Before leaving New Jersey and not looking back, please read the next letter:
DEAR ABBY: I am 16 years old and have a 5-month-old daughter. I thought her father and I would be together forever, but I was wrong. I was in love with him for more than two years.
My problem is, I can't seem to find a boyfriend who is right for me. Some boys don't mind that I have a baby, but all they want to do is go out with their friends. After a long day of feeding, changing and taking care of my daughter, I want someone at home to comfort ME. Is there anything wrong with that? -- LOVESICK IN NEW YORK
DEAR LOVESICK: Of course not. It's understandable. Mothers need nurturing, too. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I am 19 and more mature than many teenagers my age. I have to be, since I am more than eight months pregnant. The baby's father, "Rob," and I are engaged and have been since before we conceived. Rob is also 19, but not as mature as I am. He still wants to go out with his friends, which is fine because we are both young. However, he doesn't understand that we must find free or inexpensive activities because our money needs to go toward baby things -- clothes, blankets, diaper service, etc. I think Rob neglects me emotionally because he is scared of growing up. I think he may even be in denial that I am pregnant.
Abby, I have prayed about this and believe that Rob and I are meant to be together. I know he loves me, but sometimes I wonder if we met too soon in life.
Do you think we should take a short break from each other? I can't ask my family because they don't like Rob, and Rob's parents don't like me. Any suggestions? -- E.W. IN THE MIDWEST
DEAR E.W.: Before "taking a break" from your boyfriend, consult a lawyer regarding child support and custody issues. A short break could become a long one if the father of this child is deeply enough into denial. Please don't wait. You're already eight months along. Make that call today.
DEAR ABBY: Will you please settle a disagreement between my daughter and me? When is a child too old to be held? My 11-year-old grandson likes to sit on my lap when we watch television. He has been doing this since he was a baby.
My daughter says he is too old to be held. She says I baby him too much. What do you think? -- LOVING GRANDMA IN OMAHA
DEAR LOVING GRANDMA: If he shows signs of immaturity in other areas, it could be a problem. If not (and he's not too heavy), hold your grandson tight. The truth is, many of us would give anything to sit on a loving grandmother's lap again.
DEAR ABBY: Three years ago, my boyfriend, "Pete," moved from New Hampshire to Missouri to be close to me. We have been living together for one year. Pete's family still reside in New Hampshire, so he rarely sees them.
Pete is very reluctant to visit my family here, because when he does, he says it makes him miss his own family. I think he is just making an excuse not to socialize with my family -- who love him.
We are supposed to be married next year. Help! -- MARY IN MISSOURI
DEAR MARY: I see a red flag. Your family appears to be warm and welcoming. Have you met Pete's family? Do you know what they are like, and what their relationship is with Pete? I'm concerned that your fiance is uncomfortable around your family. His absence must cast a pall over family get-togethers. This is a poor way to start a permanent relationship. I advise premarital counseling for the both of you -- and a long engagement.
DEAR ABBY: I am deeply disturbed by the recent horrific accident in Santa Monica, Calif., where an elderly man hit the gas pedal instead of the brake and killed many people in an outdoor farmers' market. I have witnessed several similar accidents.
Recently I saw a middle-aged woman drive into a car wash and hit the gas instead of the brake. Fortunately, the attendant was able to jump out of the way or he would have been crushed between two cars. Another gentleman (not elderly) rolled his new car because of the same problem.
I am only 42 and have also stepped on the wrong pedal a few times, but so far have been lucky and not caused any damage.
Abby, please print my letter so that car manufacturers will ask their designers to move the gas pedal farther away from the brakes. -- WANTING TO HELP IN WHEELING
DEAR WANTING TO HELP: I'm printing your letter because it is thought-provoking. Other readers have also written to me making the same point. It appears possible that the design does need to be improved. Perhaps your letter will start the process and another tragedy will be averted.
DEAR ABBY: I am a teenage girl with a problem. My best friend, "Jenny," is jealous of my other friends. When they're around, Jenny gets sulky and has a bad attitude. When it's only the two of us, and I happen to comment about another friend, she gets mad and says I spend all my time talking about them. Not true.
I don't know how to tell Jenny that she's still my best friend, but I need other people in my life, too. She is really tugging on our "friendship line," if you know what I mean. I've told my mom about it and she agrees with me, but we can't figure out what to do. Please help, Abby. -- FRUSTRATED FRIEND IN MONTANA
DEAR FRUSTRATED FRIEND: Your friend acts this way because she is insecure and somewhat jealous. She is afraid of being pushed out of your circle. What Jenny fails to realize is that the harder she clings and tries to isolate you, the more she's pushing you away. Tell her that you need more than just one friend -- and so does she. It's the truth.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Teen With Many Problems Can Solve Them One Step at a Time
DEAR ABBY: I am a 13-year-old who has already ruined her life. I stay up late, eat tons of junk food and yell at my sisters. It may not sound that bad, but on more than one occasion I have stayed up way past midnight.
I'm known as the one in the family who can drink a six-pack of soda at one sitting and eat can after can of tuna fish. My sisters are so worried about me, I've driven them to tears.
Every week I put on more weight. I've got acne and my teeth are horrible. Please help me, Abby. Nobody in my family understands what I'm going through. -- UNHAPPY WITH MYSELF IN SALT LAKE CITY
DEAR UNHAPPY: It sometimes takes a series of "baby steps" to change patterns that don't work for you. Self-improvement cannot be accomplished overnight, so please stop being so hard on yourself.
There is help for each of the problems you have described. The first step is to ask your parents to schedule an appointment for you with your pediatrician to discuss your nutrition and anger issues. Your doctor also can refer you to a dentist and a dermatologist. You would sleep better if you began a regular program of exercise.
P.S. A final thought: If your parents are unable to help, talk to a counselor at school when it resumes in the fall.
DEAR ABBY: I recently graduated from high school and will attend college in the fall. I will be rooming with my good friend, "Marla," whom I have known since second grade.
Marla's father has decided he won't buy her a computer (one of the school's admission requirements) or let her take her car to college. The reason? He expects me to allow Marla to use my computer when she needs it -- and to drive my car! Marla doesn't understand that this is unfair, and sees no problem with it.
Abby, I feel used, disrespected and hurt. I don't feel a friend would be so presumptuous. How can I set her straight? -- ANGRY IN ALABAMA
DEAR ANGRY: Have your parents call Marla's father and straighten him out regarding the computer and the car. Since the computer is an admission requirement, one must be provided for her. And as for your car -- no one should drive it who isn't listed as an "additional" driver on your insurance policy. Period.
P.S. Do not blame Marla. She is just trying to follow her father's "wishes."
DEAR ABBY: I am a 23-year-old woman in need of your advice. About five years ago I met and fell in love with a wonderful man. You could call us high school sweethearts. We dated for a year and nine months.
We broke up when he went into the Air Force, but I'm still very much in love with him. We e-mail each other almost every day, but I haven't been able to bring myself to tell him how I feel. Perhaps your advice could help me make the right decision. -- SECRETLY IN LOVE WITH A MILITARY MAN
DEAR SECRETLY IN LOVE: Some secret! He already knows you care for him since you are e-mailing him almost daily. And it's a safe bet that he has similar feelings. Tell him how much his communications mean to you and sign the next message "Love." After that, the next move is his.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)