To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Staff Appreciation Lunch Is Hard for Workers to Swallow
DEAR ABBY: I work as a staff assistant in a large department of a Fortune 500 corporation. Every year, prior to Staff Appreciation Day, each staff assistant in my department receives a formal invitation to lunch that reads:
"In appreciation for your hard work and dedication, you will be given an extra half-hour to attend the staff appreciation lunch. Location: (A fairly expensive restaurant that takes a half-hour to get to and from.) Time: 11:30 a.m.-1 p.m. Why: Because you deserve a long lunch." (The extra half-hour is our "gift." We are responsible for the cost of our meal.)
Is there a tactful way to point out to the powers-that-be that inviting employees to an "appreciation lunch" at their own expense, at a restaurant the honorees would not normally choose because of the cost, and then suggesting that the extra half-hour taken up in travel time is a gift, is more than a little offensive?
Believe me, I'd beg off, but I feel pressured and obligated to attend. What else can I do, Abby? -- LOST IN DILBERT'S WORLD
DEAR LOST: From your description of the "generous" policy, I think I know why it's a Fortune 500 company. It would be interesting to know what kind of performance rewards their executives get.
If it's company policy, I don't think there is anything you can do about it -- except, perhaps, to gently confide to your boss that the whole thing is a bit of a farce.
DEAR ABBY: I am 18 and have just become engaged. I want to go to college, but my fiance, "Kirk," doesn't support my decision. It was a struggle for me to finish high school. I dropped out at 16, but recently received my GED with lots of support and encouragement from Kirk. But now that it's time for me to begin college, he doesn't want me to go. He says he's ready to settle down and start a family. Well, I'm not. I think my life has just begun. Please help. -- CONFUSED IN LOVE IN OREGON
DEAR CONFUSED: You have worked hard to get to where you are. Do not allow your fiance's insecurity to hold you back. If you're not completely ready to settle down and start a family, you should not allow yourself to be pressured into it.
Tell Kirk that you love him and that you need his support now more than ever. Perhaps there is a class the two of you could take together so he won't feel left behind. Please explore this with Kirk. Good luck.
DEAR ABBY: There are two groups of girls in high school: the "cool" girls and the "not so cool" girls. I have good friends in each group, but the groups hate each other.
When I hang out with a friend in the "cool" group, my friend in the other group ignores me for the rest of the day -- and vice versa.
Abby, when school starts again, how should I handle this ridiculous situation? Help! -- CONFLICTED TEEN IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR CONFLICTED: You're already "handling it" very well by being your own person and not allowing yourself to be manipulated. Since you can't change other people, you must change the way YOU react to them. Be strong and do not allow either group to isolate you. There are great advantages in learning early how to get along with all kinds of people. Remember that.
Low Cost Insurance Gives Kids Access to Proper Health Care
DEAR ABBY: It's hard to believe, but today in the United States more than 8.5 million children have no health insurance. They do not have access to annual checkups or eye exams, and are less likely to receive proper medical care for common childhood illnesses such as sore throats, earaches and asthma.
Covering Kids and Families, a project of the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation, is working to let parents know that low-cost and free health care coverage IS available through the State Children's Health Insurance Program (SCHIP) and Medicaid.
Programs are available in all 50 states and the District of Columbia. Uninsured children are eligible for these programs, even if their parents work. Eligibility varies by state, but families earning up to $36,000 a year or more may qualify for these programs, which cover doctor visits, immunizations, hospitalizations and more.
As parents prepare their children to go back to school, Covering Kids and Families is encouraging parents of uninsured children to enroll them in a low-cost or free health care coverage program now.
Thank you for helping me spread the word, Abby. -- RISA LAVIZZO-MOUREY, M.D., M.B.A., PRESIDENT AND CEO, ROBERT WOOD JOHNSON FOUNDATION
DEAR DR. LAVIZZO-MOUREY: Thank YOU for your important letter. Parents, I urge you to call (877) KIDS-NOW ((877) 543-7669) to establish whether your children are eligible for these important programs.
DEAR ABBY: I'm 17, and just graduated from high school. I have been accepted at two awesome colleges, but I have no clue as to what my major should be. What I really want is to go to a vocational school and become a hairdresser.
Do you think I should blow off those colleges, Abby? I have to choose before September. -- GIRL WITH HAIR-RAISING PROBLEM
DEAR GIRL: Attend one of the "awesome colleges" for at least a year, and sign up for courses in business. Whether or not you choose to graduate, those courses will be helpful to you in starting and running your own business.
Discuss your goal with your college counselor. In addition to the business courses some knowledge of chemistry and marketing would also be valuable. Although you may think you want to concentrate on cosmetology, you might at some point want to come up with your own product line.
DEAR ABBY: I have been teased by my classmates since third grade. In the sixth grade, I tried to act like I could read palms -- and I also wore strong perfume. The teasing got worse.
I will be in seventh grade in the fall, and I'm wondering if I should still try to be an "actor," or be myself. One person likes me the way I am. His name is "Nate," and he is my boyfriend. Nate says it doesn't matter to him whether I put on an act -- or if I'm just myself. (I think he would prefer me to act more natural.) What do you think I should do? -- UNPOPULAR -- BUT LOVED
DEAR UNPOPULAR: Your friend Nate is wise beyond his years. Be yourself. It's a lot less work than pretending to be a fortune teller or someone you're not.
P.S.: If you enjoy acting, try out for the school plays and musicals. It doesn't take a crystal ball to predict you'll be sensational.
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)
to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)
Beautiful Couple's Marriage Is Perfect Except in Bed
DEAR ABBY: I am a beautiful woman in my early 30s. My husband, "Brad," is a handsome man in his late 20s. We both dress stylishly, exercise regularly and eat healthy food. We turn heads when we walk into the room. We have been married for nearly five years and are devoted to each other. We prosper in all areas except in the bedroom.
Brad seems to have no interest in sex at all. None. Zip! Our honeymoon was nothing short of amazing. We waited until after our wedding to consummate our union. Now we make love about every six weeks, if that. This is not enough for me. I gently told him that I "need more," and asked, "Is it me?" Brad says it's not me and that he feels guilty. He apologized for hurting my feelings and blames his lack of interest on being "tired." (Brad does not work long hours.)
I have tried clearing our social calendar and doing all the household chores. I suggested he go to sleep earlier in the evening and take naps whenever he needs to. I have even tried being assertive in my Victoria's Secret lingerie. Nothing has worked. Help! -- GOING WITHOUT IN THE SOUTHWEST
DEAR GOING WITHOUT: This is a question that needs to be honestly explored both separately and together. The first step is to schedule an appointment for both of you with your physician.
Not all men have raging sex drives. Your husband may need his testosterone levels checked, or he may suffer from performance anxiety -- or have other issues. Your problem will not be resolved until you are both able to pinpoint exactly what the problem is. Please don't wait any longer.
DEAR ABBY: Four years ago, I hired a woman to help me with household chores I could no longer handle. (I am 83 and in poor health.) "Nelly" came for two hours every other week and was a great help. She started out at $10 an hour, and last year she requested her hourly rate be raised to $12.50. I obliged.
During Nelly's visits, I learned about her family: a "macho" husband who showed her little respect; a daughter with a jailbird boyfriend and a pack of kids; and several brothers who cheated her out of her inheritance from her parents.
I liked Nelly and I felt sorry enough for her to consider leaving her a bequest in my will. It was my way of saying thank you beyond what I paid her.
A few weeks ago, I noticed some jewelry and $150 in cash were missing from my bureau. Among the missing items were two rings that had been given to me by my late husband. They were of great sentimental value to me.
No one other than Nelly and I had been in my bedroom. I suppose the temptation was too much. Finally I asked her if she'd seen the missing items. She claimed she hadn't. However, the next evening she called and said that her husband no longer wanted her to work for me because she was "needed at home."
Should I confront her and demand that my jewelry and money be returned? Nelly cleans for other folks I know, and perhaps they need to be warned. -- PUZZLED AND ANGRY IN OKLAHOMA
DEAR PUZZLED AND ANGRY: Do not confront Nelly -- and do not do anything that would spread rumors. DO call the police and report the missing items. Tell them who was in your home at the time the items went missing and let them investigate. It's their job.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)