DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Jerry," and I have been married for 10 years. Nine months ago, he had an affair and moved in with the woman. During the time Jerry and I were separated -- and he had filed for divorce -- I met a man and slept with him.
Two months later, Jerry came to his senses and realized life wasn't greener on the other side of the fence. He begged for forgiveness and came home professing his love for me and our children.
Abby, I love my husband with all my heart or I wouldn't have taken him back. I am not proud of sleeping with another man, and as a matter of fact, I had blocked it from my memory because I felt so ashamed. My problem is, when Jerry found out about the other man he freaked out and ever since then he accuses me of having affairs with many men. He continuously recounts "my indiscretion," forgetting what led up to it.
Jerry scrutinizes my cell phone bills and calls unfamiliar numbers to find out who I'm talking to. It is driving me crazy. We both agree we want to be together, but I can't take his accusations any longer. Help! -- IN LOVE, BUT IN AGONY
DEAR IN LOVE, BUT: Tell "Jerry the reformed" that unless he agrees to marriage counseling, he will have to move out. His behavior proves the truth of the old saying, "A man never looks behind the bedroom door unless he has stood there himself."
Unless your husband can overcome his "convenient amnesia" and is willing for both of you to make a fresh start, his guilt, suspicion and inability to forgive will destroy your marriage.
DEAR ABBY: Several times over the past month while I was dropping off or picking up my son from preschool, I observed a mother of one of the other preschoolers leaving her infant alone in her vehicle with the engine running while she went inside the school to retrieve her other child. At times, the woman was away from her van for at least five minutes.
Rather than confront the mother with my concern, I stopped by our local police department to ask if there are any laws against this. I was hoping an information flier was available that I could share with her, but there was not. An officer asked me to describe the woman's vehicle and the approximate time of day she came to the school.
Evidently, the police officer mentioned to the mother that "another mother" had notified them about her. Now she and several other parents in our preschool are upset. A friend in whom I confided that the "other mother" was me, told me I should have minded my own business! (She, too, has been guilty of leaving her little ones in her parked car with the engine running.)
Did I go about this all wrong, Abby? -- SAFETY-CONSCIOUS IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA
DEAR SAFETY-CONSCIOUS MOM: It would have been better to have spoken directly to the woman, or to the principal of the school. Adults should NEVER leave children alone in a vehicle with the engine running. What that mother did was child endangerment. Carjackers, as well as a child accidentally putting a vehicle into gear, are very real dangers.
Take comfort in the fact that although the mother reacted defensively, you may have saved her child's life. That woman was lucky. Other parents have not been so fortunate.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
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