What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
SIGHT OF BOY ALONE IN CAR WEIGHS ON WITNESS'S MIND
DEAR ABBY: Yesterday I saw a little boy left alone in a parked car. The windows were rolled down about 2 inches. The child, probably 1 year old, was strapped in a child seat in the back of the vehicle. It was a hot day and the car was sitting in the sun.
I was going into the library, so I hoped that the parent would only be gone long enough to return a book. However, when I came out, the child was still there. I got into my car and was about to call the police, but before I did, the parent came out and drove away. I did jot down the license number.
I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind, so I phoned to report the incident to the police this afternoon. Perhaps it will keep that parent from doing it again. I know I should have taken action the moment I saw the child, and I feel guilty that I did not.
Abby, please remind your readers that children should NEVER be left alone in a car. Anyone who sees a child in an unattended car should phone the police immediately. I'm glad the baby didn't die because of my inaction. -- ILLINOIS PARENT
DEAR ILLINOIS PARENT: Thank you for a timely reminder. Health experts warn that on a breezy day with the temperature only in the low 70s, the interior of a closed automobile can heat up to 125 degrees in 15 minutes. Even with the window cracked, a child could dehydrate within minutes -- with deadly results. And the same goes for pets.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 17-year-old boy with a big problem. There's this girl, "Ashley," I really care about. But I don't know how to tell her. I took her to the junior prom and afterward we spent most of the night together -- talking.
That night I realized how much Ashley and I have in common and how much I care for her. The trouble is, it's summer vacation, and it seems like she's always too busy to go out with me, or she already has plans.
We talk almost every day, but I need to see her and be with her. Abby, I know no one is perfect, but Ashley is the closest thing to it.
Yesterday I broke down and cried because I realized how much I want her to be mine. Can you please tell me what to do -- and how to tell her my feelings? I ache inside. -- SMITTEN IN OHIO
DEAR SMITTEN: Look at the bright side:
(1) Ashley obviously likes you. The two of you talk on the phone nearly every day. Tell her you really like her. It's a compliment and it's the truth.
(2) You shared a wonderful night at the prom. It is something the two of you will never forget.
Perhaps this will have to do for now. Summers fly by quickly, and soon you will have more school events to share. In the meantime, make plans with other friends and stay active. It will keep you from dwelling on the fact that you're not with Ashley as much as you'd like to be.
DEAR ABBY: Your recent letter regarding tattoos reminded me of an incident I'd like to share. Last year I was in a nail salon in Hawaii, waiting for a manicure and a pedicure. Waiting with me were two ladies well into their 60s.
A girl of about 20 strolled in and sat down across the room from us. She was wearing a low-cut top, so we couldn't help but notice a prominent rose tattoo high on her breast.
One of the women leaned over to the rest of us and whispered, "Little does she know that when she's in her 50s, she'll have a long-stemmed rose!" -- KATHLEEN IN WASHINGTON STATE
DEAR KATHLEEN: If you didn't laugh out loud, you deserve a bouquet of roses.
Sweethearts on Lovers' Lane May Be Heading for a Crash
DEAR ABBY: I am a 29-year-old married woman, and I dearly love my husband and child. However, I think I've fallen head over heels for my "first love" (I'll call him Cliff) all over again.
I recently ran into Cliff at the hardware store, and after talking a while, we went riding around in his car -- just like we did when we were in high school. Then we parked and started making out.
Cliff confessed that for the past 10 years he's felt HE was meant to be my husband, and letting me go was the biggest mistake of his life. The terrible thing is, now I'm wishing I had married him, too.
For the past month we've been secretly meeting downtown three times a week. All we do is drive around, park and neck -- nothing more. When I'm with him, I feel like a teenager again. I still love him, Abby, and I'm so confused I cry in my pillow. Sign me ... BACK IN LOVERS' LANE
DEAR BACK IN LOVERS' LANE: You may be just "two teenagers in love" in your fantasies, but in reality you're two adults who are begging for trouble. You're playing a dangerous game that could devastate your husband and affect your child. Before any more clandestine meetings, it's time to sit down and sort out what's really important to you. Counseling can help you discover what is missing in your marriage that has made a second adolescence so appealing. Don't put it off.
DEAR ABBY: I need some advice. My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. He was adopted by loving parents who gave him everything. But he has just found his birth mother, and they seem to want to catch up on lost time.
My problem is I can't seem to stop resenting that his mother came back into his life. I feel very left out, and as if my time has been usurped by another woman. Don't get me wrong. I am happy for him, but I no longer feel that I am his No. 1 priority.
I tried talking to my boyfriend about this, and he acts like he understands my feelings -- but he also says it seems I want him to choose.
How can I stop feeling this way? -- LEFT OUT IN LAREDO
DEAR LEFT OUT: First of all, understand that what is going on is not about you; it's all about him and his need to understand who he is and where he came from. Like any new relationship, it is distracting in the beginning, but will subside in time. So be patient. Realize that what a man feels for his mother is not what he feels for his girlfriend. Don't take this personally, and above all, do not allow yourself to be put into a "her or me" situation. If you do, you might win the battle, but you'll surely lose the war.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 16-year-old male student and I have a huge crush on my summer school teacher, "Miss Bodacious." She doesn't notice me and it's driving me crazy. I'm losing my mind. I hate it! Please help. What should I do to calm my raging hormones? -- GOT IT BAD FOR "BOD" IN DELAWARE
DEAR GOT IT BAD: In a word, SUBLIMATE. It's time to take the energy you are devoting to fantasizing about your teacher and channel it into something else -- like sports activities. Not only will it give you less time to think about "Miss Bodacious," but you'll be so tired when you're done that you won't have the energy. (Cold showers also help.) Good luck!
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: After a six-year relationship with my boyfriend, "Rudy," I have learned that he's been shacking-up with another woman. I am devastated.
I was sometimes suspicious about Rudy's living situation. He told me he was renting a room from his longtime friend, "Lorna," but I was never invited in. Rudy's explanation was that since it wasn't his home, he didn't feel comfortable having company.
You guessed it, Abby. Lorna, the "longtime friend," turned out to be my Rudy's lover. The way I found out was humiliating. Last Sunday, I dropped by to visit him because he had told me on the phone the night before that he had stomach flu. When I rang the doorbell, an older man opened the door and identified himself as Lorna's father.
When I asked if I could come in and see Rudy, the old man told me that Lorna and Rudy were away on a Caribbean cruise. My jaw dropped. When I introduced myself as Rudy's girlfriend, and my 15-month-old as Rudy's child, HIS jaw dropped.
How could the man I love, the father of our precious baby, have pulled off this double life? I'm hurt and angry, but I know I must pull myself together for my daughter. How will I control myself when that two-timer has the nerve to show his face at my door? Can you give me some advice? -- TWO-TIMED IN BOSTON
DEAR TWO-TIMED: Your boyfriend is an accomplished user. He has taken advantage of you and Lorna, too -- so please don't think you are alone in your situation. What you say to him when he shows up is up to you. Fortunately, you have some time to prepare your speech. I'm sure it will be a dilly.
Before you do, however, it is imperative that you consult a lawyer and establish child custody rights and a support payment schedule for the benefit of your little girl. Let's hope that Rudy is willing to be a more responsible father than he has been a boyfriend.
DEAR ABBY: I look at myself and wonder how I got here. I am almost 23 and feel like a blank slate. When I was in high school, I had a 3.8 GPA. I had drive and purpose and knew exactly where I was headed.
Now I am tired all the time. College has taken a toll on me. I am overweight, a "C" student, and completely burned out. I've held a couple of part-time jobs, but nothing that excites me. I am at a crossroads. I have no idea where to go from here.
I have a few acquaintances, but no close friends. Boredom and loneliness fill my days. What do I do? Start over and try to fix things? I don't know whether to take time off from college or continue to grin and bear it. Maybe I should just lie down and die.
All I know is I'm tired of feeling like I have nothing to offer anyone. I am not happy with the road I've chosen, but don't know what other avenue to take. Abby, what can I do to feel alive again? -- CO-ED IN CENTRAL CALIFORNIA
DEAR CO-ED: You are exhibiting signs of depression. Go to the student health center and tell them exactly how you are feeling. Once you are treated -- medically and/or psychologically -- find out if your school offers career counseling. It will help you to understand where your strongest attributes lie and what your alternatives are.
You are clearly bright and success-oriented. Many people have more than one career in a lifetime. Select something you enjoy -- something that stimulates your creativity and makes you feel good about yourself. I guarantee you'll discover you have much to contribute -- and much to live for. Let me hear from you in three months. I care.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)