DEAR ABBY: I had a similar problem as "Muddling Through in Minnesota, who was graduating from high school and wasn't sure whom to invite because her mother despises her stepmother.
My parents are also divorced, and so are my favorite aunt and uncle. None of them had spoken for more than 12 years. However, at age 33, I was finally graduating from college, and since it was "my" graduation, I decided to invite them all. I made clear to everyone who else I was inviting so they had the option of declining my invitation.
Guess what? Everyone came! And they brought their new "significant others" with them. Afterward, at the party in my home, they were laughing and talking like old times -- catching up with each other's lives.
A few days later, they called and thanked me for ending the "old and worn out" animosities. -- HAPPY GRADUATE IN VIRGINIA
DEAR HAPPY GRADUATE: You are obviously an important part of these relatives' lives. How wonderful that all of them could be present to celebrate your success. Congratulations on all fronts. I have always said, "When in doubt, invite everyone." Whether or not they choose to attend then becomes THEIR problem.