To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
SIMPLE SAFEGUARDS CAN PROTECT YOUR HOME WHILE YOU'RE AWAY
DEAR ABBY: The summer travel season has officially begun. The criminals are prepared; are your readers?
According to the FBI's Uniform Crime Reporting Program (2000), the greatest number of burglaries occurs in July and August -- and 60 percent of all residential burglaries occur during the daytime. The Home Safety Council recommends simple safeguards that will reduce the chances of being victimized:
(1) Evaluate your home's security. Do all door and window locks work?
(2) Is outside lighting bright and focused to illuminate potential entry points?
(3) Are hedges and trees trimmed so intruders can't use them for cover?
(4) Have you removed any extra keys that you've hidden outside? (Burglars know all the good hiding places.)
(5) Make your home look "lived in" while you're away. Buy timers to set lights to come on at different times.
(6) Ask a neighbor to park in your driveway while you're gone.
(7) Stop newspaper and mail deliveries, or have someone pick them up daily.
(8) Do not invite trouble by changing your answering machine greeting to say you're out of town on vacation.
(9) Provide a neighbor, relative or close friend with your itinerary and contact information so you can be reached in case of emergency.
Thanks for sharing this information with your readers, Abby. -- MERI-K APPY, PRESIDENT, THE HOME SAFETY COUNCIL
DEAR MERI-K: Thank you for the timely tips. Readers, for even more safety suggestions, a free checklist can be downloaded at the Home Safety Council's Web site: www.homesafetycouncil.org.
Happy trails to you, fellow travelers!
DEAR ABBY: There has been a new arrival in our family and I have an important question. Is it true that two brown-eyed, dark-haired people cannot be the parents of a blue-eyed, fair-haired child? If so, this is completely contrary to what I was taught in school.
It has always been my understanding that a child carries not only the genes of his or her parents, but also the genes of grandparents, great-grandparents, etc.
Please check with your experts and let me know as soon as possible. This debate has caused a huge rift in our family. -- RICHMOND, VA., READER
DEAR READER: I hope this short biology lesson will silence the nay-sayers:
In the 19th century, an Austrian monk and botanist named Gregor Mendel discovered the existence of "dominant" and "recessive" genes.
In a nutshell, his research proved that a child can inherit a recessive gene from an ancestor and have eye color, hair color, skin color and other features that are different from both its mother and father. This is called Mendelian law.
You can prove it to your disbelieving relatives by going to the library and checking out some books on Mendel's law of genetic inheritance and recessive genes. Please don't wait. They need educating before their ignorance causes the rift to be permanent.
Sufferers of Eating Disorders Can Get the Help They Need
DEAR ABBY: I was deeply touched by the letter from "Fed Up in Fort Myers, Fla.," regarding a young girl affected by her mother's bulimia. The children at school call her cruel names, and so does her mother.
Eating disorders are widespread illnesses that affect all segments of society. They may affect not only the body, but also the mind -- and appropriate treatment is necessary.
Abby, I would like to invite your readers to contact the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders (ANAD) for free resources and referrals.
Through our hotline and response to mail and e-mail inquiries, ANAD provides counsel and information to thousands of anorexics, bulimics, compulsive eaters, their families, and also the health-care community in all parts of the globe. Our referral list includes more than 1,500 therapists and inpatient/outpatient programs in the United States, Canada and several other countries, including Great Britain, Germany, Australia, New Zealand, France, Italy, Spain, Mexico, Colombia and more. -- VIVIAN HANSON MEEHAN, PRESIDENT, ANAD
DEAR VIVIAN: Thank you for the information. After I printed the letter from "Fed Up," I received hundreds of others from readers of both sexes peppering me with questions about eating disorders.
Readers, if you or someone you know needs help or information, ANAD can be contacted by phone: (847) 831-3438; fax: (847) 433-4632; e-mail: anad20(at)aol.com; or the Web site: www.anad.org. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I would like to comment on the letter from "Fed Up," the 13-year-old girl whose mother is bulimic and who is ridiculed in school by other kids because she is overweight.
I was trained in another country to become a teacher. Our psychology teacher explained to us that, since parents cannot be present in school to protect their children, it is therefore the teachers' and the principal's full responsibility to protect the students from physical and emotional abuse by other students.
I am one of many educators who believe that it is the parents' responsibility to discipline their children and teach them proper social conduct. That said, this is how I handle my responsibility:
Every year on the first day of school I present the rules of conduct in my class to the new students. I tell them that I expect everyone to behave and respect each other.
I tell them that I am well aware that some children like to call names and hurt other children's feelings, but I do not tolerate this kind of behavior. I say, "If anyone hits you or hurts your feelings -- tell me immediately." I will call the parents of the abusive student and tell them what their child did, and that I will not admit their child in my class the next day unless accompanied by one of his/her parents. I expect the parent to sit in our classroom the entire day and make sure that his/her child does not hurt anyone.
I then ask the students, "How many of you think your mother or father will have the time to sit in our class the whole day?" No one raises a hand. No student ever dares to abuse another student in my class.
I hope that child's letter will cause people to think and change the discipline policies that exist in many U.S. schools -- and I hope that other caring teachers and principals will follow my psychology teacher's instructions and prevent abusive students from hurting helpless students. -- RETIRED TEACHER IN ATLANTA
DEAR TEACHER: If there were more teachers like you, I would not receive the hundreds of heartbreaking letters I do from students who are harassed, bullied and taunted by their classmates. Orchids to you.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Teen Should Beware Giving Girlfriend's Baby His Name
DEAR ABBY: My 18-year-old son, "Jeff," has a 17-year-old girlfriend, "Connie," who is pregnant -- but not with his child. Jeff has decided he will sign the birth certificate to give the baby our last name. (The real father wants nothing to do with Connie or the baby.)
I have no say in this matter. Her parents know all about the pregnancy but don't see it as a problem. In fact, they have decided not to tell other family members that my son isn't the father.
When I try to warn Jeff about what he's getting into, he cuts me off and says, "It'll all be OK, Mom." Abby, my son is making a lifetime financial commitment and can't begin to appreciate the whole picture. He assumes that Connie's folks will "take care of everything."
I am at my wit's end. Any advice you can offer would be deeply appreciated. -- FRANTIC IN IDAHO
DEAR FRANTIC: Take your son to an attorney immediately. Let the lawyer explain what Jeff's obligations will be if he abets this deception. Your son appears to be idealistic and romantic. However, he should not declare paternity for a child that is not his. It's unfair to the child -- and lets the biological father off the hook.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 19-year-old girl and have a problem with my parents. When I was younger, I could talk to them about anything and everything. They respected my decisions and supported me whenever they could -- until I reached junior high.
At that time, I noticed that I liked girls more than boys. When I told my mom and dad, they dismissed it and said it was just a phase. It wasn't.
I secretly dated one girl in ninth grade to find out if that's where my feelings were headed. Then I "came out" to my friends. They were cool about it and supported me 100 percent. I didn't have the guts to tell my folks until I was in the 10th grade.
They exploded. Mom cried for hours; Dad kicked me out for a week. My parents have had no trust whatsoever in me ever since. We don't talk like we used to -- and whenever the subject of my sexual orientation comes up, my parents call me a slut, among other things. I've moved out three times, but I always go back because I don't have enough money to make it on my own.
I'm now dating a wonderful young woman and it's getting serious. I don't dare tell my parents because I'm afraid of their reaction. Please help, Abby. I need your advice. -- DESPERATELY SEEKING LOVE AND ACCEPTANCE IN KANSAS
DEAR DESPERATE: I am sorry you are not getting the support you need from your family. They need to understand that sexual orientation is not a choice. Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (P-FLAG) could offer them some much-needed insight and support. They can call the organization at (202) 467-8180; write to 1726 M St. NW, Suite 400, Washington, D.C. 20036; or go online to the Web site at www.pflag.org.
I have a different resource for YOU. Please contact The Trevor Project. It's a 24-hour toll-free hotline that promotes tolerance and provides support to gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered youth.
The Trevor Helpline crisis line is the only 24-hour, 365-day toll-free line solely dedicated to counseling gay and questioning youth. Trained counselors are always there to help, and they welcome calls from any teen who is having problems relating to his or her sexual orientation -- whether the person is struggling with self-doubt, peer pressure, lack of acceptance, rejection by family members and/or friends -- or having thoughts of suicide.
Call (866) 488-7386 or go online to www.TheTrevorProject.org.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)