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by Abigail Van Buren

DEAR ABBY: I am a 21-year-old military wife. My husband is in the Army and was sent to Korea almost seven months ago, one month after we were married.

As much as I love my husband, I'm afraid I jumped too quickly into this marriage. More and more I wish I was single and could have relations with any man I wanted.

Right now, two guys are begging me to get a divorce, and a third guy is after me. I'm actually considering the third guy's offer because my feelings for him are so strong.

My husband and I do not correspond often. Am I losing feelings for him because he's so far away and we seldom speak? Or am I just a sad and lonely wife who craves attention? Please help me, Abby. I don't want to hurt my husband. -- IN NEED OF LOVE IN INDIANA

DEAR IN NEED: Only you can answer those questions. Counseling can help you discover what's really going on. Right now, you are bored and frustrated. Another man might be a quick fix, but it won't eliminate the reasons why you want to be unfaithful to your husband.

Whatever answer you arrive at, I urge you to wait before disclosing your ambivalence to your husband. He needs all the emotional support he can get while he's away.

DEAR ABBY: On May 1, we observed our son John's birthday. He died last year of melanoma. He would have been 34.

Most people are aware that the first birthday, holiday or other significant day following a death can be a difficult, painful day -- full of sadness for family and friends. What many people do not realize is how important it is for surviving family members to keep that person's memory alive. Others might be reluctant to mention the loved one out of fear of the pain they might cause; however, we WANT to hear from friends and relatives on those days. It is comforting.

I was lucky because some of John's friends sent e-mails, and other friends and relatives called or sent cards. Although I shed a few tears, I also laughed. So if you're wondering what to do for those who have lost a close family member or friend -- especially a child or life partner -- don't hesitate to communicate and share some of your favorite memories and thoughts. It will mean a lot. -- LEIGH FROM PHOENIX

DEAR LEIGH: You have stated it beautifully. When someone dies, people are often at a loss about what to say. Just saying, "You are in my thoughts today, and I am sorry for your loss" can be enough. As long as the message is sincere, it does not have to be flowery.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I believe our 9-year-old son, "Andy," will soon ask us if we ever tried marijuana. I tried it in college and I think I should admit it. Grass made me laugh, but it also made me lazy -- and I was unable to concentrate.

My husband, on the other hand, doesn't want to admit to Andy we smoked grass in college. He's afraid if our son finds out, he will be more inclined to try it.

How do you think we should handle this? -- WEEDING OUT THE TRUTH

DEAR WEEDING OUT: Honesty is the best policy. Tell your son the truth, including how it made you lazy and unable to concentrate. As George Bernard Shaw once said, "If you must hold yourself up to your children as an object lesson, hold yourself up as a WARNING and not as an example."

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

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