DEAR ABBY: On May 1, we observed our son John's birthday. He died last year of melanoma. He would have been 34.
Most people are aware that the first birthday, holiday or other significant day following a death can be a difficult, painful day -- full of sadness for family and friends. What many people do not realize is how important it is for surviving family members to keep that person's memory alive. Others might be reluctant to mention the loved one out of fear of the pain they might cause; however, we WANT to hear from friends and relatives on those days. It is comforting.
I was lucky because some of John's friends sent e-mails, and other friends and relatives called or sent cards. Although I shed a few tears, I also laughed. So if you're wondering what to do for those who have lost a close family member or friend -- especially a child or life partner -- don't hesitate to communicate and share some of your favorite memories and thoughts. It will mean a lot. -- LEIGH FROM PHOENIX
DEAR LEIGH: You have stated it beautifully. When someone dies, people are often at a loss about what to say. Just saying, "You are in my thoughts today, and I am sorry for your loss" can be enough. As long as the message is sincere, it does not have to be flowery.