For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Finding Steady Job Is Hard for Navy Wife on the Move
DEAR ABBY: I am a Navy wife. My husband is deployed to the Persian Gulf. Since his departure, I find myself worrying most of the time, and I would like to do something constructive. I'd like to get a job, because frankly, I could use the extra income, but I don't know where to start.
We recently moved to Norfolk, Va., but will probably have to relocate again when my husband returns to the States, so I can't commit to a long-term position. Since you do such a wonderful job assisting families with all kinds of issues, have you any suggestions for me?
Thank you in advance. -- ELIZABETH GUIDRY, NORFOLK, VA.
DEAR ELIZABETH: I admire your "take action" approach to coping with the stress and separation, and I agree that a job would be a terrific outlet. I consulted a friend at the Department of the Navy, who suggests that you look into a program called Adecco Career Accelerator. It's a partnership between the Department of the Navy and a worldwide staffing company called Adecco, specifically designed for military spouses -- active and reserve -- who have difficulty finding work because of frequent relocations.
Adecco recruiters provide military spouses with career counseling, training and job placement -- at no cost to the military or the spouses. The company then places people in a wide range of positions, from administrative to technical, financial and light industrial, which provides a variety of options. Another advantage of this program is that vacation and other benefits transfer with you when you move. The program isn't hard to find. It operates on or near almost every Navy and Marine Corps base in the country.
Military spouses are a valuable untapped reservoir of talent and resources. We should all recognize the important contributions of military spouses not only in the lives of their families, but also to our nation. I salute each and every one of you, and support your efforts.
To locate the nearest Adecco office, visit www.usadecco.com/careeraccelerator/.
DEAR ABBY: "Humiliated in the Rocky Mountains" said she had found evidence on their computer that her husband was cheating. She did not mention what the "evidence" was, but if it's e-mails, she should be very cautious about accusing her husband because things aren't always as they seem.
I set up an e-mail address for my dog, Chester. I give out his address whenever a Web site requires an e-mail address and I do not wish to receive e-mails from them.
Just last night, Chester received an e-mail from "Ginger." The subject was, "Thanks for the great time last night, Tiger!" While Chester is a fun-loving dog, he is not THAT friendly. I had him "fixed" when he was a year old.
It turned out to be an unsolicited e-mail ("spam") advertising a pornographic Web site. Had I received that e-mail and my wife had seen it, goodness knows what she'd think. -- KEEPING A CLOSE EYE ON CHESTER, NORTHBROOK, ILL.
DEAR KEEPING: Thank you for pointing this out. Your letter may save someone's marriage from going to the dogs.
Chorus of Encouragement Backs Teen's Dream of Studying Art
DEAR ABBY: The letter from "High on Talent/Low on Self-Esteem" touched my heart. My son also knew at an early age that he wanted to be an artist. He is now at one of the most prestigious art schools in New York City.
My advice to "High/Low" is to request support and advice from his school counselors and art teachers. There are weekend and summer studios at museums and colleges for students of all ages. It's important to keep his grades up. Scholarships are available for good students with talent. The teen should draw, draw, draw -- keep his sketchbooks and start a portfolio. Observational drawing is a must. He should familiarize himself not only with pencil and pen, but also with charcoal and pastels.
Above all, that young man should not give up. True artists draw not because they can, but because they must. There are many career options in the field. Artschools.com is a good Web site for information. -- MOTHER OF AN ARTIST, MERRIMACK, N.H.
DEAR M.O.A.: Whistler's mother had nothing on you. Bless you for wanting to help.
That letter brought an enormous response from readers. Read on for a sample:
DEAR ABBY: I am a 16-year-old artist, and I want to tell "High on Talent" and his parents to follow his dream. Animation is a respectable career. It can pay very well, besides being fun.
Some tips I got from a Disney animator who visited our school:
Carry a sketchbook everywhere, and use it. Copy the great masters or any artist you admire. Museums are great for this purpose. Practice design and composition. All artists are designers. Photography is a good way to practice composition. Observe differences in how people and animals move -- no two are alike. Animate a bouncing ball. Every principle of animation can be found in this exercise. Watch TV with the sound muted. You will see how animation is mostly about timing.
Most important: As artists we constantly need visual "food" to sustain us. Consume as much high-quality "art food" as you can and keep drawing! Who knows? Maybe you and I will be famous artists one day! -- SUZY IN COLORADO
DEAR SUZY: How nice of you to share those tips from a professional!
DEAR ABBY: While one should not push a child into college to become an artist, neither should one close the door on a child who might turn out to be the next Picasso (who lived the life of a millionaire and was famous for much of his lifetime). It was the highly visible Vincent Van Gogh who got us all thinking that artists live in poverty and die in obscurity. -- MR. V., ART TEACHER, NEW JERSEY
DEAR MR. V.: Now that's an art lesson in a nutshell.
DEAR ABBY: There are lots of jobs for animators. Technical colleges and universities offer programs for this high-demand field every year -- and have problems staffing them. The popularity of movies such as "Monsters Inc." and "Ice Age" have created a demand for computer artists, and so has the video game industry. How do I know? I'm an instructor at a community college in the Northwest, and we can't find enough teachers for our program in art animation. -- MICHELE S. IN SEATTLE
DEAR MICHELE: Thank you, and all of those who wrote to encourage that young man and reassure his parents.
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)
to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)
DEAR ABBY: I moved to Florida six years ago and got involved with a man soon after I arrived. He had just ended a 10-year relationship with his girlfriend. Two years later, he asked me to marry him. I was overjoyed -- and I was three months pregnant when I walked down the aisle.
When our daughter was barely 6 months old, I caught my husband having an affair with his ex. I was going to leave him, but I discovered I was pregnant with our son. He would leave for weekends, after fighting with me and getting drunk, to go see his former girlfriend. I finally had enough and filed for divorce.
My daughter is now 2 1/2 and my son is 15 months old. They haven't seen their father in almost three months. We all miss him. I thought he would return to me, but he hasn't. He has moved on.
I'm in my 20s with two kids. I hate being alone, but can't move on because my husband refuses to sign the divorce papers. What should I do? -- SAD AND ALONE IN FLORIDA
DEAR SAD AND ALONE: My legal experts tell me there is a procedure you can go through that will allow you to divorce your husband even though he refuses to sign the papers. Please discuss it with a lawyer.
Also check with the district attorney's office in your community. The staff there may be able to help you get child support, at no cost to you. Sometimes when spouses are forced to pay child support, they develop an interest in their children. As long as your husband is sober and behaving responsibly, this should be encouraged.
DEAR ABBY: I have been dating my boyfriend for five years. I'm only 18. Four months ago, I moved out of my parents' home so I could move in with him. Now I miss my mom and dad, but I don't want to tell my boyfriend. What should I do? -- HURTING IN MAINE
DEAR HURTING: You have a right to your feelings, and you're making a mistake to keep them hidden. You also have a right to change your mind. Consider this a valuable lesson. Go home and concentrate on your education. A woman should have the skills to be financially independent before linking up with a mate.
DEAR ABBY: I am a nursing home administrator employed by a large facility. I began my career as a nursing assistant, and in that capacity enjoyed caring for geriatric nursing home residents. My love for the work propelled me into nursing school, enabling me to have more input into the quality of patient care. After that, I was frequently promoted to higher positions and finally returned to school to become an administrator.
The truth is -- I hate it! I have somehow lost sight of my original goals. I have minimal patient contact and am miserable. The problem is, I have four children and we need the extra money my position provides. Also, I am reluctant to resign because I would be considered a "quitter."
I am a good administrator and have received outstanding performance reviews by the board of health. However, I cannot ignore the fact that I am deeply unhappy not having the opportunity to give hands-on patient care. What should I do? -- MISSING MY PATIENTS IN THE MIDWEST
DEAR MISSING: Push for the right to be hands-on at least half a day a week. Tell management it will make you a better administrator. (It will!) When your children are older and you need less money, follow your heart.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)