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by Abigail Van Buren

Ex Wife Is Caught Unaware in Couple's Snare of Deceit

DEAR ABBY: My ex-wife, "Jan," and I work for the same company. Before I filed for divorce, I secretly began dating her co-worker, "Carol." After the papers were filed, Jan moved out and, being upset, needed someone to talk to. She chose Carol to confide in.

Carol, not wanting to expose that we were lovers, gave Jan a sympathetic ear. At one point, Jan told Carol that she was her "best friend." Carol would sometimes call my wife to find out what her plans were on a particular night so our paths wouldn't cross if she and I were out on a date. Jan unknowingly baby-sat for Carol's children so we could sneak out.

Carol eventually broke up with me and wants to remain friends with Jan. Jan still does not know about our affair. This seems like the ultimate form of deceit.

Should I tell my ex-wife what really went on -- or keep my mouth shut? -- TORN BETWEEN TWO EX-LOVERS

DEAR TORN: Confession is good for the soul. By all means tell your ex the truth. You'll be doing her a favor. She thinks Carol is her friend instead of the opportunist she really is. A person who will betray you once will think nothing of doing it again. (You should know!)