DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Bonnie," and I have been married for 25 years and have two great kids. When our daughter left for college three years ago, Bonnie began to "rediscover herself." In the process, she became friendly with "Roger," a 35-year-old single man from our church. I found a picture of him hidden in Bonnie's Bible.
Roger lived with our family for two weeks before moving to a neighboring city. Every morning when he was here, Bonnie got up early to make his breakfast and was at the door to say her "goodbyes." She has never done that for me.
A few months ago, Roger contacted our 19-year-old daughter when he was passing through her college town and took her to dinner. Afterward they stopped by her apartment, and Roger kissed her on the lips, telling her it would be "their secret." As soon as our daughter was able to convince him to leave, she called us to tell us what happened.
My problem is that Bonnie has forgiven Roger, but my daughter, son and I have not. My wife continues to see him on occasion, although always in the company of others. However, in paying our bills, I have discovered that she calls his cell phone up to 70 times per month. Needless to say, I do not want Roger in our home. Bonnie refuses to understand why the children and I feel so unforgiving toward him. What do you think, Abby? -- EMPTY IN NEW ENGLAND
DEAR EMPTY: It's time for you and Bonnie to get some pastoral counseling. It appears that Bonnie has a crush on Roger, and Roger has the hots for your daughter. If Bonnie refuses to go to counseling, go without her, and don't be afraid to name names.