What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: There is an older man in my neighborhood whom I see almost every day standing outside his home -- completely nude! When I pick up the paper or go out for the mail, there he is, as naked as the day he was born.
Other neighbors have also seen him in the nude and so has my husband. He's the talk of the neighborhood. We don't know the family well, so I can't decide whether or not to tell his wife. What do you think, Abby? The guy scares me. -- SEEN IT ALL IN BILOXI
DEAR SEEN IT ALL: You have a right to be concerned; your neighbor is breaking the law. The man's wife should be told immediately so she can speak to his doctor and arrange for a complete physical and mental status exam. If that doesn't put a stop to the problem, the police should be notified. Your neighbor could be cited or arrested for indecent exposure.
DEAR ABBY: I attended a wedding a while back. The only thank-you the bride and groom offered was a photocopy of their engagement picture at each place setting. Underneath was printed a caption that read, "Thanks for attending our wedding!"
When I asked the bride what she intended to do about those people who had given gifts, she replied that the cost of stamps was prohibitive (!) and this would be the only thank-you.
What do you suggest we do when the invitations for the baby shower arrive? -- STARTING THE COUNTDOWN IN WEST VIRGINIA
DEAR STARTING: Be kind and bring a baby gift. But along with it include a book on etiquette. You'll be doing the young woman and her child a favor. It's obvious she's ignorant about this important social skill, and children learn their manners from their parents.
DEAR ABBY: I have been married to the love of my life, "Ralph," for almost 24 years. We've been together since we were 17. Three years ago, he was injured in an accident and is now disabled. Ralph's doctors have told me he can never work again.
I am working full time to keep us afloat. Since Ralph is unable to contribute financially to our household now or in the future, his friends have started asking him if he is afraid I'm going to leave him. They assume that since he can't work I won't stand by him.
Is this something that happens to men when they can't work? Do women leave their husbands for this reason? It certainly sounds uncaring and not "for better or worse," which is the vow I took when I married him.
Abby, Ralph has become increasingly insecure since his accident and he's worried that his friends are predicting something that I know isn't going to happen. How can I ease his mind? -- NOT GOING ANYWHERE IN UTAH
DEAR NOT: Tell him often how much you love him, how important he is in your life, and that you would be lost without him. Reassure him that a husband is more than a paycheck, and, as your signature says, you are not going anywhere.
Sadly, some women do marry their spouses only "for better and for richer" -- but thankfully, they're in the minority. For your husband's friends to imply that you belong in that category is both insulting and unfair.
Clip this column and show it to your husband. I hope he won't allow his friends to tarnish your union by creating suspicion where no transgression has occurred.
Family's Fear of Jewish Name Testifies to Bigotry's Power
DEAR ABBY: I am engaged to be married in September to the most wonderful man in the world. We are wildly in love. We're both middle-aged with grown children from previous marriages, so we took our time and approached this relationship with caution. He is Jewish and I am gentile, but our families get along and are thrilled about our upcoming union.
My problem: With tensions over the political situation in the Middle East, anti-Semitism is on the rise where we live. Since the uncertainty of Sept. 11, my family has become concerned for my safety should I take on a Jewish-sounding name. My mother remembers the horror of World War II, so her fear is understandable. I would feel uncomfortable, however, NOT taking my husband's name. It would appear to the world that I am ashamed of his ethnicity or not accepting of it.
How can I reassure my family that I am doing the right thing? I love them dearly and don't want them to worry, but I couldn't live with myself if I didn't do this. -- BRIDE-TO-BE IN FERNDALE, MICH.
DEAR BRIDE-TO-BE: Bigotry seems to be a problem that refuses to die, and almost anyone can be a target. No matter how much we might wish otherwise, if people are determined enough, they will always find something to dislike about another person or group.
Hatred against entire groups is usually caused by ignorance or a perceived economic threat. Please tell your mother that it is no more dangerous to be a Jew in this country than it is to be an African-American, a Hispanic, an Asian or an Arab. Most bigots are cowards -- and don't act out violently.
And while we're on this subject, read on for another example:
DEAR ABBY: Yesterday, a co-worker who is Belgian (and speaks French, Flemish and English) made an important presentation to a prospective client.
Upon hearing his accent, the client said that before he would even consider the proposal, my co-worker would have to prove he was not French. This is obviously because of the French government's policies toward the war in Iraq. What do you think of the client's behavior? -- SHOCKED IN ILLINOIS
DEAR SHOCKED: People who indulge in that kind of thinking have a lot of growing up to do. I think such an attitude is asinine -- on par with "freedom fries," "freedom toast" and "freedom kissing."
DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Whitney" for more than a year and have decided to propose. My problem is I was recently laid off from my job and don't have enough money to buy an engagement ring.
Would it be improper to ask Whitney to marry me without giving her a ring right now, or should I wait to ask her when I have the money to buy her a ring? -- STONE BROKE IN LITTLE ROCK
DEAR STONE BROKE: Tell Whitney how you feel about her, and ask her if she would like to become engaged or wait until you can give her a traditional engagement ring. You might be pleased to learn that having an engagement ring is less important to her than having you as her future husband. After all, a ring is just a symbol. The real "jewel" is the person you marry.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Failing Health, Growing Debt Give Marriage Grim Prognosis
DEAR ABBY: I am a 48-year-old woman married almost 28 years. The last 12 have not been good. In 1984, my husband was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes, and a drug was prescribed to control his blood sugar. His doctor urged him to maintain a healthy diet and to exercise. He has not done well with his disease -- and continues to smoke.
Three months ago, I found out that he stopped taking his medication. This has led him to be a more volatile person than he already was. He's smashed furniture and broken things. My husband has never hit me or our two daughters, but he has thrown things in my direction. When he flies into a rage, he is terrifying.
Our girls are now 21 and 18. The older one is being married this summer, and we are busy planning the wedding. Because of our current financial situation, I don't think we can give her the wedding of her dreams, but my husband promised her $10,000. Abby, I honestly don't know where it's going to come from because I recently discovered he has accrued credit card debt to the tune of $75,000. I cannot begin to tell you how stressed I am over all this.
My spouse does not seem to be worried about any of it, and I am at a loss. I'm not working right now, but intend to find a job to help us get out of debt. I know wedding vows say "in sickness and in health," but what if one partner is not taking care of himself?
I am trying to decide whether it would be wise for me to move out of state and live with my mother, and let my husband try to straighten out his life.
I'll be honest. It's been a long time since I've been touched by a man. My husband is impotent and won't seek help for this, either. I have repeatedly begged him to attend a men's diabetic support group, but he refuses.
I'd like a nice companion with whom to walk through life, but the mere thought makes me feel guilty. Thanks for letting me unburden myself. These secrets have been with me for too long. -- WANTS A LIFE IN VIRGINIA
DEAR WANTS A LIFE: As sad as it is, your husband appears to have decided not to get the help he so desperately needs. You should tell his doctor about his temper and that he has stopped taking his medication. His life could depend on it.
Next, tell your daughter the financial facts of life about her wedding plans. She needs to know the truth now so she can realistically plan her budget.
Then talk to a lawyer about protecting yourself from the consequences of your husband's financial irresponsibility.
I see nothing wrong with going to your mother's to regroup and to get some T.L.C. while you plan how you're going to spend the rest of your life. Counseling will help. You are overdue.
DEAR ABBY: I am only 11, but I'm having boy trouble. I like this guy whose name is "Rusty." He is in the fifth grade with me. He asked me to meet him at the movie. I said yes, but my parents said no, and I didn't show. Now he hates me. What should I do? -- SAD CHICK, ANNISTON, ALA.
DEAR SAD CHICK: Being stood up is humiliating. Rusty probably feels more hurt than hate. A step in the right direction would be to apologize for standing him up and explain the reason why you did it. That way, he will know YOU don't hate HIM.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)