To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
SCREENING DAY EXAMINES HOW ALCOHOL AFFECTS HEALTH
DEAR ABBY: I applaud your recent columns on alcohol abuse. But how much do your readers really know about alcohol and health? The importance of becoming educated about alcohol cannot be emphasized enough. On April 10, National Alcohol Screening Day, Americans can learn about alcohol and their health, and assess if they're engaging in risky drinking practices.
The Screening Day message puts it simply: "Alcohol and your health: Where do you draw the line?" Each of us needs to know just where that line is. Alcohol misuse comes with a devastatingly high cost. The annual dollar amount is estimated to be $185 billion in the United States. The emotional cost to individuals and their families is immeasurable.
Our studies show that nearly one-third of adults engage in risky drinking patterns. Our 2001 National Household Survey on Drug Abuse found that 13.4 million Americans -- 5.9 percent of the population -- meet the diagnostic criteria for alcohol dependence or abuse. Ninety-one percent of these people do not realize they have a problem.
For these reasons, I hope your readers will attend local alcohol education and screening programs in their own communities on April 10. On that day, health programs and agencies, colleges and universities, senior centers and community organizations nationwide will offer education and screening programs for Americans of all ages. They will have the opportunity to find out more about alcohol and their health and to complete a brief, anonymous, alcohol screening questionnaire to assess if they are risky drinkers.
Please encourage your readers to learn more about National Alcohol Screening Day, Abby. By sharing this information with them, you are making an important contribution to our commitment to promote safe and healthy lives for all. -- TOMMY G. THOMPSON, SECRETARY OF HEALTH AND HUMAN SERVICES
DEAR SECRETARY THOMPSON: Because people occasionally overindulge in drinking does not automatically mean they are alcoholics. However, it is to everyone's advantage to know the difference and to recognize the warning signs. This is certainly a subject worth educating oneself about. To learn more about National Alcohol Screening Day, call toll-free (800) 763-1200 or visit www.nationalalcoholscreeningday.org.
DEAR ABBY: I operate a home day care for preschool children, and almost every day I'm faced with the same question: When parents arrive to pick up their children and the kids begin misbehaving, who is responsible for correcting them -- their parents or me?
Two youngsters in particular turn into little monsters the minute their mothers arrive. These women have never once disciplined them in my presence. Should I give the offending children a "time-out" the next day? I need your advice because I don't want to overstep my bounds. -- CHILD-CARE PRO IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR CHILD-CARE PRO: Some parents let their children get away with murder. However, you are within your rights to let the children know what behavior will not be tolerated on your premises. Were I in your shoes and the youngsters began acting up while their parents said nothing, I would speak up. Waiting until the next day is too late.
DEAR ABBY: My late husband and I had a relationship spanning 30 years. When he was sober, he was a good husband and wonderful father to our two children. We separated 10 years before he died, and he moved out of state with his young mistress, "Eve," who did everything she could to damage my relationship with our daughter, "Beth." She finally succeeded. Beth went to live with her father, and she and Eve became friends. At Beth's wedding, Eve appeared in almost every photo, taking my place as the "bride's mother." (My son and I were not invited.)
To my husband's credit, it was his wish that I receive his insurance and pension when he died. When our son tragically died at age 23, Beth and I reconciled. I then remarried and after two years was widowed again -- which made me a wealthy woman. I have chosen to help Beth and her family financially, and I know they are grateful.
Eve is still on the scene 11 years after my husband's passing, and my 6-year-old grandson refers to her as Grandma. At times he blurts out that he has "three grandmas" -- his father's mother, Eve and me.
I feel I should be at center stage without an "imposter" waiting in the wings. Should I make this an issue or ignore it? I feel my daughter is disloyal by allowing this to continue. -- FEELING BETRAYED IN NEW YORK CITY
DEAR FEELING BETRAYED: I'm not sure I agree. The person who was "disloyal" was your first husband. He left you for a younger woman. When your daughter went to live with them, she was young and impressionable and Eve befriended her. It is understandable that her child thinks he has three grandmothers. He is too young to understand why.
I see nothing to gain and much to lose by trying to rule via the purse strings. Please resist the temptation. One day your grandson will realize what the facts are. Be patient and take the high road.
DEAR ABBY: "Rhonda" and "Errol" were married last summer. At the wedding, Rhonda's 2 1/2-year-old niece, "Laurel," stole the show on the dance floor. She was cute as the dickens.
Last weekend, Rhonda and Errol were in town, and little Laurel's name came up in conversation. Referring to Laurel's performance on the dance floor, I remarked how she was the star.
Rhonda turned to me and said, "Excuse me. I was the star."
"Oh," I said. Then I smiled and remarked, "Well, you were upstaged."
Later that day, Rhonda said, "I was deeply hurt by your comment. You owe me an apology."
Have you any thoughts on how I can avoid "deeply hurting" Rhonda in the future? -- WONDERING IN WISCONSIN
DEAR WONDERING: Absolutely. Refrain from making any more tactless put-downs. Every bride is the star on her wedding day.
DEAR ABBY: I met a blond-haired stallion on my birthday. We hooked up that night and he gave me an awesome birthday present.
I would like to see him again, but I didn't give him my phone number. I have been back to the place where we met, but we keep missing each other. What should I do? -- EAGER IN ARLINGTON HEIGHTS, ILL.
DEAR EAGER: You can pray that the stallion returns to the stable, but don't count on it. Some studs prefer a filly who says "neigh" over one who is hot to trot.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
DRUNK DRIVER STILL MOURNED BY THOSE SHE LEFT BEHIND
DEAR ABBY: Ten years ago this month, a drunk driver killed my girlfriend. She was only 29. I still miss her and think about her every day. I think about all the things that intoxicated driver could have done to avoid the tragedy of that night -– things such as calling a cab, letting someone else drive home, or giving the car keys to a designated driver.
However, I cannot admonish the driver or ask why these precautions were not taken; I do not have that luxury. You see, Abby, the driver was my GIRLFRIEND.
She got into her car that night without thinking it would be the last ride of her life. She got behind the wheel without considering all those who loved her and would miss her smile, her voice, her presence. She did it without thinking of her two little boys who would have to grow up without a mommy.
I know it's a cliche, but if this letter makes just one person out there stop and think before getting behind the wheel while impaired, my girlfriend's death may not have been in vain. -- KURT E. WERTHEIM, SAN ANTONIO
DEAR KURT: It is clear that you are still in mourning. Please accept my sympathy for your loss. Your letter points up one sobering fact: The person most at risk is the one who can't think clearly and believes "it can't happen to me."
DEAR ABBY: I've been dating "Collin" for nine months. I fell for him hard and fast. My problem is I recently met his former girlfriend, "Patty." She has a 10-month-old son. Abby, I've done the math. I suspect Collin is the father. He told me he broke up with Patty 10 months before we met. I asked Collin if he is the baby's father, and he said he "didn't think so," because Patty never mentioned it to him.
I don't think Collin really wants to know –- but I do! This is driving me crazy. Should I ask Patty if Collin is the father of her child? Help! -- SUSPICIOUS HEART IN NEW HAMPSHIRE
DEAR SUSPICIOUS: By all means ask Patty who the father is. It's a fair question, and one that could affect your future with Collin romantically and financially. If he is the daddy, he may be required by law to support the child at least until he is 18. And if he's not the father, it will put your mind at ease.
DEAR ABBY: We recently hosted a bat mitzvah for our daughter and invited two families (parents along with their children). In both cases, the parents attended but the children did not.
A few months later, these two families hosted similar parties for their own children. In each case, my husband and I were invited but our children were not. I thought if we invited their children, they should invite ours. Is this considered proper etiquette? -- PUZZLED ALONG THE HUDSON RIVER
DEAR PUZZLED: Not that I know of. A bar mitzvah and a bat mitzvah are important rites of passage in a young Jewish person's life, and when I was growing up it was a celebration in which contemporaries were always included -– particularly if the children were in the same age bracket. I, too, am puzzled that parents would attend or be expected to attend without their children. (The exception to this would be if the children were toddlers who might be disruptive.)
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)