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DEAR ABBY: I am a 38-year-old husband and father of four. "Marla" and I have been married 11 years and live in Syracuse. My wife wants to move to Albany to be closer to her family so they can help care for our children.

I agreed to move only if Marla guarantees to give me sex three times per week. That is the only compromise I am asking her to make. My wife says she won't commit to putting a number on the times we are intimate every week.

Abby, am I expecting too much by asking Marla to commit to the amount of sex I want, as long as I agree to move to Albany -- which is what she wants? That way, making the move will benefit both of us. -- READY AND WILLING IN NEW YORK

DEAR READY AND WILLING: You and your wife appear to be "ready and willing" about very different things. I can understand her wanting to be closer to her family for the child-care advantages, but why would you demand that she limit your lovemaking to only three times a week? You're selling yourself short.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 20-year-old woman whose parents divorced three years ago. (I'm an only child.) Recently I discovered that my father cheated on my mom throughout their marriage. His longtime mistress was a family friend I'll call Cindy.

I have grown up seeing Cindy at least once a week. She has always been pleasant and helpful -- whether she was teaching me to ride a bike or helping me study for my driver's permit. It wasn't until a year ago that I found out she and Dad are lovers. When Mom discovered their affair, she placed the blame solely on Dad.

My parents split up, and Dad left Mom for yet another woman, "Lynda," but he continues to see Cindy behind Lynda's back. Neither woman knows about the other. I still communicate with Cindy and see her occasionally. This upsets my father no end, because he's afraid I'll blow his cover. He's told me in no uncertain terms that he doesn't want me talking to Cindy.

I maintain that Dad brought Cindy into my life when I was just a kid. Is it fair for him to suddenly demand that we can't continue being friends? -- FOND OF DAD'S MISTRESS IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR FOND: Look at it this way: For years, while Cindy pretended to be a family friend, she helped your father betray your mother. Is that the kind of friend you can trust? I don't think so. Your dad may not deserve any medals as "Husband of the Year," but in this case, he might have a point.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been going to a nudist resort for the last five years. Our children are all grown and in their 30s. I want to tell them where we are going in case something should happen to one of us while we're there.

My wife is too embarrassed to say anything about the nature of our retreat to anyone, even though we both enjoy our tradition.

Should we, or shouldn't we, say something to our children? -- ADAM AND EVE IN THE GARDEN STATE

DEAR ADAM AND EVE: Your reason for wanting to tell your children is valid. You are all adults. There should be no embarrassment in disclosing your whereabouts. Many people enjoy the nudist lifestyle, and there is no reason for your wife to be ashamed of it.

It's a good idea when anyone travels for an itinerary to be left with a trusted friend or family member. It's not so much what could happen to the traveler, but that an emergency could occur back home that necessitates being in contact. If a person can't be reached, he or she also can't be notified.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

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