Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Woman's Investment in Future Marriage Is Paying No Return
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Brian," and I are in our early 30s. In June we will have been dating for six years. We've lived together for four. I am ready for marriage and a family, but Brian considers marriage a "financial decision." He has told me more than once that he would gain nothing by marrying me.
Frankly, our living arrangement has never been financially ideal for me. At the time we moved in together, I had been making payments on a small home that would have been paid for by now. I sold it (taking a loss) and gave away all my furniture when I moved in with Brian. He had just purchased a pricey home, and I have always paid him rent and shared all living expenses.
So I have to ask myself: What does my live-in companion have to "lose" financially by marrying me? I continue to pay him rent. At my own expense I have painted the bedrooms, put up all new drapes and blinds, planted a beautiful garden –- all for a house that's not even mine.
Last June, I gave Brian one year to ask me to marry him. Here it is almost May, and he is no closer to proposing now than he was then. Am I being unreasonable to expect a serious commitment? Any advice would help. Sign me ... COLORADO LADY IN WAITING
DEAR LADY IN WAITING: Unreasonable, no. Naive, yes. Your boyfriend is a self-admitted cash-and-carry kind of guy. He is only interested in the financial benefits of your current arrangement.
You have stars in your eyes, and Brian is blinded by dollar signs. If you want a real partnership, find someone with whom you have more in common.
DEAR ABBY: "Vivian" has been my best friend for 11 years. Our children are the same ages and our families have always been close. Last summer, Viv suddenly stopped talking to me and wouldn't return my phone calls. The last time we spoke was Christmas when she brought gifts over for the kids and acted like everything was fine. I haven't heard a word from her since.
I miss my friend and I am mystified as to why she won't return my calls and e-mails. I thought we were as close as sisters. I don't understand how a grown woman can toss out a longtime friendship like yesterday's garbage. What more can I do, Abby? -- HURT AND CONFUSED IN OREGON
DEAR HURT AND CONFUSED: You have done all you can to preserve the friendship. The ball is now in Vivian's court. There may be something going on in her life that she's not willing to share with you at this time. Go on with your life and don't second-guess what you should or shouldn't have done.
CONFIDENTIAL TO MY READERS: Easter will soon be here. Many people regard it as an occasion to give pets to small children. A word of caution: If you plan to surprise a child with a duckling, a chick or a baby rabbit, please consider that living creatures need proper care. Unless you are absolutely certain that the little pet will receive the care it needs to survive, please give the child a stuffed bird or rabbit instead. Regardless of how cute baby birds and animals are, they should not be given to children on impulse.
If you have gotten this far and are still determined to give a live baby rabbit as a gift, I strongly advise that you do some research first. Visit � HYPERLINK "http://www.RabbitNetwork.org/articles/easter.shtml" ��www.RabbitNetwork.org/articles/easter.shtml� for information about rabbits' life expectancy, health issues, temperament and desirability as household pets.
Pregnant Navy Wife Wasn't Expecting Rude Questions
DEAR ABBY: I am a Navy wife whose husband is currently deployed. Two months after he left, his mother passed away after a short, fierce battle with colon cancer. My grieving husband barely made it home in time for her funeral, and he never got to tell her goodbye.
My husband and I spent 10 emotion-filled days together in his mother's hometown before he had to return to his ship and I had to travel home to our two children. Out of that terrible heartache, we received a blessed gift -- we discovered that we're pregnant!
However, our "happy news" has created an awkward situation: Now that I'm beginning to "show," people who don't know about my husband's mother are asking when I'm due -- and I can see them mentally add the months my husband has been deployed. One woman actually counted out loud on her fingers and then exclaimed, "But he's gone! How is it that you're expecting?"
Our children are 13 and 11, and people have asked in their presence if they come from previous relationships -- and if this new baby will be my husband's and my first child together. One of my daughter's teachers even had the nerve to ask her who the father of the baby is! My darling daughter responded in typical teen-age fashion, "My dad, of course!" Then she rolled her eyes.
How should we as a family respond to these outrageous inquiries? I am at a loss. -- NAVY WIFE AND MOTHER IN WASHINGTON STATE
DEAR NAVY WIFE AND MOTHER: When you are asked who the father of the baby is, smile and reply, "Ask my husband when he gets home. He was there when it happened."
DEAR ABBY: On Sept. 11, I tragically lost my brother, New York firefighter Michael Kiefer of Ladder 132 in Brooklyn. He was only 25 when he died, and his greatest dream was to be a New York firefighter. He lived his dream for only nine months.
The pain of losing my brother in such a violent and senseless act has been unbearable. My parents told me about the "pennies" letters in your column -- how each time someone finds a penny, it means a loved one in heaven is thinking of us. I cannot begin to tell you how true this has been for my family.
Whenever one of us is feeling especially down about Michael, we always find a penny. An example: My brother loved to go to the gym, so one day I decided it was time for me to get back in shape and make him proud. All during my workout I told my angel brother I was doing it for him. As I walked out of the gym, there it was -- a bright, shiny penny! I knew then that Michael was proud of me. It truly was a penny from heaven, and without a doubt from my brother, whom I love and will miss for the rest of my life. Michael, you will always be our hero and you will never be forgotten! -- LAUREN M. KIEFER, FRANKLIN SQUARE, N.Y.
DEAR LAUREN: I extend my deepest sympathy to you and your family for the loss of your heroic brother. The "pennies from heaven" letters have moved many of my readers. And one day I hope to publish a collection of the letters I have received with their messages of hope. Thank you for sharing yours.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Girl's Troubled Past Makes Friend Fear for Her Future
DEAR ABBY: I am a 15-year-old girl with a problem. For a couple of months, a close friend of mine, "Casey," was going out with "Michael," a boy from school. They broke up two months ago because Mike wanted to date other girls. Casey was crushed when it happened, although only a week later she was telling everyone (including Mike) that she was "over him." I know it was a lie.
Casey has had major problems in the past -- depression and an eating disorder. It's obvious to me that she hasn't gotten over Mike. In no way is he interested in Casey romantically, but she talks about him 24/7.
Abby, I don't know what to do for Casey. I feel like yelling at her to get the message that Mike's not interested. I've told her that she needs to let go, but it's no use. What now? -- WORRIED ABOUT MY FRIEND IN RHODE ISLAND
DEAR WORRIED: Casey needs some new activities and new interests so she can stop replaying those old tapes in her head. One way to help her forget about Mike would be to introduce her to some new friends. You could also suggest she get into some new activities so she'll have something else to talk about.
DEAR ABBY: Over the holidays, my stepdaughter told her father and me that she is being married again and to save the second weekend in May. Shortly after, we received a formal invitation in the mail. About three weeks ago, my husband's ex-wife called to give us a list of what she had spent on the wedding and to request "our share" of the cost -- to the tune of $3,000.
This will be the second marriage for both the bride and groom, who are in their mid-30s. They live together in the home they own and have a successful business. By all accounts, they're doing very well.
Since my husband and I are not part of the wedding party (he was not asked to walk his daughter down the aisle) and we had no part in the wedding plans, I feel that whatever "Mom" wishes to spend is up to her, but we owe nothing more than what we originally promised to give the newlyweds.
Are we off base here? -- PUT OFF IN WINSTON-SALEM, N.C.
DEAR PUT OFF: Certainly not. Since this is a second wedding, and the bride and her fiance are well-established, and since you were not consulted or even asked to be a part of the ceremony, I see no reason why you should pay more than you have already promised.
DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I are both 50-plus. We are being married in four months -- the second marriage for both of us. We have maintained separate households and we really need nothing.
How can we send invitations to family and friends and let them know that no household gifts are needed? Please help. -- BRIDE-TO-BE IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR BRIDE-TO-BE: Add the following to your invitation: "No gifts, please. Your presence will be our cherished gift, and we respectfully request no other."
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)