For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
RESIDENTS OF NURSING HOMES ARE EXCITED BY FAMILY AFFAIRS
DEAR ABBY: I just read the letter from "Undecided in St. Paul," regarding her son's wedding and asking what to do about inviting relatives who reside in a nursing home. You advised that instead of sending them invitations, send a chatty letter or card bringing them up-to-date on the happy news -- and an announcement after the wedding -- so they remain "in the loop."
As an RN with years of employment in a nursing home setting, I know from experience that residents become very excited about being included in family affairs instead of being told after the fact. My suggestion would be to send them an invitation, arrange for transportation, and enclose a small note that states, in a tasteful manner, "No gifts, please."
If friends and family only knew how these people felt sitting in their rooms or in hallways with nothing to do. Nursing homes try hard to keep their residents happy and entertained, but nothing replaces family. -- A NURSE WHO KNOWS IN THE SOUTH
DEAR NURSE WHO KNOWS: Sometimes I should pay less attention to my brain and more attention to what my heart tells me. I responded the way I did because I did not want the recipient of the invitation to feel obligated to provide a gift, if it would be physically or financially impossible. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: My husband's grandmother was in a nursing home when we were married. It was nearby, so we arranged for our wedding party to visit her after the ceremony and before the reception. The nursing staff was excited because that's all his grandma talked about for weeks beforehand. And it was such a special day for the residents! When we arrived, they were all dressed in their "finest" to meet the new bride and groom. The looks of happiness on their faces still makes my eyes tear up! The ladies all wanted to touch my gown and told us about their weddings. Smiles and laughter resounded through the halls. We arranged for a "wedding" cake to be delivered so they could have a piece after dinner.
We were only there for about an hour, but the nurses told us how much everyone appreciated our "gift," and the residents talked about our visit for a long time afterward. Of course, we gave his grandma a photo. She kept it by her bed until she died. -- MARTY FROM EASTLAKE, OHIO
DEAR MARTY: Several readers shared stories similar to your own.
DEAR ABBY: Our daughter was married in June. The groom's elderly grandparents who raised him are both in a nursing home. This was the last wedding they expect to see. Our children's friends volunteered to transport them. It took some arranging because they are both in wheelchairs, but they had a wonderful time. Their gift was their presence. -- MOTHER OF THE BRIDE, EAST BROOKFIELD, MASS.
DEAR MOTHER: I'm sure they were as thrilled to be there as you were to have them.
DEAR ABBY: If the only consideration is obligating the folks for a gift, send the invitation! Better to be engaged in life than disengaged. I want to make my own decisions, don't you? -- GOOD LUCK TO ALL, MELVILLE, N.Y.
DEAR G.L.T.A.: You're right, and I stand corrected!
DEAR ABBY: This year will be a great one for animal lovers. The North Shore Animal League America's annual Tour for Life, held in conjunction with the San Francisco SPCA, has already begun. On Thursday, March 27, three 35-foot mobile adoption units left New York on a cross-country journey of more than 16,000 miles. The league will work with animal groups in 21 cities to help find loving homes for dogs and cats in their care. The first stop will be April 2 in San Francisco.
But Tour for Life is only the beginning. It signals the league's worldwide Pet Adoptathon May 3 and 4. Since 1995, Pet Adoptathon has placed more than 125,000 pets, and this event has grown to include animal organizations on every continent.
This year, North Shore Animal League America is asking those who want to give a lifetime of love to an animal orphan to set aside time on Saturday and Sunday, May 3 and 4, to visit their local Pet Adoptathon shelter. It's the best place for potential adopters to find a special dog or cat who will give them unconditional love in return. -- JOHN STEVENSON, PRESIDENT, NORTH SHORE ANIMAL LEAGUE AMERICA
DEAR JOHN: I know your announcement will be greeted with enthusiasm by animal lovers everywhere.
Readers, for more information, please call the Pet Adoptathon toll-free hotline: 1-877-BE-MY-PAL (1-877-236-9725) or visit the Web site: www.petadoptathon.com. You'll be glad you did.
DEAR ABBY: I have a problem with my mom and my sister. Every time they go shopping, they buy something for me. Sometimes it's just a soda, but other times it's clothes or accessories.
I'm kinda on the boyish side and I like wearing baggy clothes. But my mom and sister always buy me tight shirts, tight pants and lots of pink stuff.
How can I tell them to stop without hurting their feelings? -- NEEDS HELP IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR NEEDS HELP: Thank them for their thoughtfulness and explain that their taste is not your own, so you would appreciate being included in the buying trips. Tell them that pink is not your color and tight clothes are not your style, and you don't want them to waste money. (It's not insulting, it's actually considerate.)
DEAR ABBY: I have been with this guy, "Joe," for more than two years -- married just one. He is very nice at times, giving me flowers and back rubs. Other times, however, Joe calls me names, pushes me around, abuses our dog, keeps my money, spends all his time with friends, lies about stupid things and makes fun of my family.
In the past Joe has hit me, but I've always forgiven him. However, nowadays I just never feel happy. I don't know what to do, Abby. We've both been through counseling at church, but nothing has changed. My friends and family say I deserve better, but I love Joe with all my heart. Can the good outweigh the bad in our case? Or is it vice versa? -- NEEDING HELP IN BEDFORD, IND.
DEAR NEEDING HELP: In your case it's vice versa -- the bad outweighs the good. You are married to an abuser. I hope you end this disastrous union before any children are involved.
If Joe threatens you after you tell him you're unhappy, call the police or the Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
ONE DAD'S IDEA OF A JOKE IS NO LAUGHING MATTER TO MOM
DEAR ABBY: My 9-year-old daughter, "Kristy," has a good friend, "Libby." Libby's father started calling my daughter "Weirdo" when the girls were in kindergarten. It upset my daughter, and I asked him to stop. He ignored my request, so I saw to it that Kristy socialized with other girls. Kristy and Libby did not become close friends again until this year when they entered fourth grade.
Libby's father was polite to Kristy for a while, but yesterday when I picked her up, he yelled, "Goodbye, Weirdo!" Kristy says it doesn't bother her now, but I don't believe it. I think she's afraid I will not let her remain friends with Libby.
Abby, I can't understand why a grown man would intentionally demean a child by calling her names. I don't want my daughter subjected to this, but I don't know what to do. Any ideas? -- ANGRY MAMA
DEAR ANGRY MAMA: As a parent, it's your job to protect your child from abuse. Libby's father appears to be insensitive, immature, and a bit weird himself. That's three strikes in my book.
Limit Kristy's exposure to him by arranging for the girls to play at your house until further notice. The less she sees of Libby's father, the better for all concerned. If Libby's mother is in the picture, she should be told what her husband is saying.
DEAR ABBY: My husband knows I'm writing to you. I've never written before, but this is so ridiculous I have to share it. However, because it's a story I can't repeat openly, don't use my name.
One evening last week, my husband sheepishly asked me if the city refuse collectors had picked up the garbage yet. It seems that while cleaning out his top dresser drawer, he had mistakenly thrown away a pill bottle that contained his remaining two Viagra.
He went to the curb and dragged the garbage can back into our yard. We then put on our rubber gloves and went to work. After rummaging through coffee grounds, chicken bones, orange peels and used facial tissue, we found nothing. It turned out he hadn't thrown away the Viagra -- just pushed the bottle to the back of the drawer.
Can you think of a less romantic way to spend the evening? -- THE BLUE PILL "MYSTERY"
DEAR "MYSTERY": Not really. However, even if "Dumpster diving" is not your idea of foreplay -- you now appreciate how far your husband is willing to go for a night of lovemaking with you.
DEAR ABBY: What's the best way of declining when someone asks me out for a date and I know he's "not my type"? Guys never seem to get the hint when I try to let them down easy.
I have said (truthfully), "I'm not dating at this time," or that I'm interested only in someone who belongs to my faith, or who's my age, etc. I've tried every excuse I can think of -- but some guys out there just don't think any of those reasons apply to them.
How do I say, "It's nothing personal, but it's you personally I don't want to go out with"? I would also appreciate any suggestions from your readers. Thanks. -- STUMPED IN NEW HAMPSHIRE
DEAR STUMPED: I recommend the direct approach if subtlety doesn't work. Say, "I'm sure you're a nice person, but I am not interested in you in that way." Readers, do you have anything to add?
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)