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by Abigail Van Buren

DEAR ABBY: When I read the letter from "Seen It All in Minneapolis," from the woman who, from her driveway, can see her neighbors through their bathroom window, I had to smile. I live in a townhouse and my neighbors and I share a common bedroom wall. One night I was awakened by a pounding noise. I couldn't figure out where it was coming from, and eventually went back to sleep.

Over the next few weeks, I was awakened frequently by the same sounds. One night, after listening for a while, I realized it was coming from my neighbors' bedroom -- they were having intimate relations.

I didn't say anything at first, but finally decided I had to. I was afraid my mother would be visiting while the neighbors were going at it again. I was more than a little embarrassed at having to broach the subject.

One morning, I rang the couple's doorbell. When the woman came to the door I said, "I have something to tell you -- the walls here aren't very thick." She took one look at my red face and understood immediately. Needless to say, I never heard them again. -- SILENCE IS GOLDEN IN MARYLAND

DEAR S.I.G.: They say the squeaky wheel gets the grease. The same holds true for bedsprings and things that go bump in the night. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I have a simple solution for "Seen It All." Plant a bush, install a trellis, or build a fence between the driveway and the window to obscure the view. If that doesn't work, plant a fig tree and lend your neighbor a leaf. -- NATURE LOVER IN ROME, N.Y.

DEAR NATURE LOVER: Why not? It was the first "fashion statement" conceived in the Garden of Eden.

DEAR ABBY: Several years ago my sister had the same problem -- only SHE was the one with the bathroom window that wasn't opaque enough. Her bathroom faced the street.

One of her neighbors sent her a card that looked like a wedding invitation. It read, "This is to inform you that the one-way frosty glass window in your bathroom is in backward." She never found out who sent it, but she had that window fixed in a hurry. -- KATHY FROM OKLAHOMA

DEAR KATHY: It could have been worse. It could have been an announcement of another au naturel performance of "Oh, Calcutta!" at her address.

DEAR ABBY: I am 17 and ache to have a baby. Everyone says I'm too young to have a kid -- but I want one really bad. I've got a great guy, but he doesn't want to be a father right now. So far, I've tried to respect his wishes. However, I'm on birth control pills and sometimes I feel I should secretly stop taking them. Then if I get pregnant I can say, "Wow, how did that happen?" Please tell me what you think. I can't hold out much longer. -- READY-OR-NOT IN TEXAS

DEAR READY-OR-NOT: Continue to hold out, because you are on the verge of making a mistake that could affect at least three people for a lifetime. Before you act on your fantasy, it's important that you understand what is missing in your life and why you are trying to fill the space with an innocent baby.

Conceiving a child through dishonesty is a terrible beginning. From the tone of your letter, neither you nor your "great guy" is ready for the responsibilities of parenthood.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

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