For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
EMBARRASSED NEIGHBOR HEARS MORE THAN SHE WANTS TO KNOW
DEAR ABBY: When I read the letter from "Seen It All in Minneapolis," from the woman who, from her driveway, can see her neighbors through their bathroom window, I had to smile. I live in a townhouse and my neighbors and I share a common bedroom wall. One night I was awakened by a pounding noise. I couldn't figure out where it was coming from, and eventually went back to sleep.
Over the next few weeks, I was awakened frequently by the same sounds. One night, after listening for a while, I realized it was coming from my neighbors' bedroom -- they were having intimate relations.
I didn't say anything at first, but finally decided I had to. I was afraid my mother would be visiting while the neighbors were going at it again. I was more than a little embarrassed at having to broach the subject.
One morning, I rang the couple's doorbell. When the woman came to the door I said, "I have something to tell you -- the walls here aren't very thick." She took one look at my red face and understood immediately. Needless to say, I never heard them again. -- SILENCE IS GOLDEN IN MARYLAND
DEAR S.I.G.: They say the squeaky wheel gets the grease. The same holds true for bedsprings and things that go bump in the night. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I have a simple solution for "Seen It All." Plant a bush, install a trellis, or build a fence between the driveway and the window to obscure the view. If that doesn't work, plant a fig tree and lend your neighbor a leaf. -- NATURE LOVER IN ROME, N.Y.
DEAR NATURE LOVER: Why not? It was the first "fashion statement" conceived in the Garden of Eden.
DEAR ABBY: Several years ago my sister had the same problem -- only SHE was the one with the bathroom window that wasn't opaque enough. Her bathroom faced the street.
One of her neighbors sent her a card that looked like a wedding invitation. It read, "This is to inform you that the one-way frosty glass window in your bathroom is in backward." She never found out who sent it, but she had that window fixed in a hurry. -- KATHY FROM OKLAHOMA
DEAR KATHY: It could have been worse. It could have been an announcement of another au naturel performance of "Oh, Calcutta!" at her address.
DEAR ABBY: I am 17 and ache to have a baby. Everyone says I'm too young to have a kid -- but I want one really bad. I've got a great guy, but he doesn't want to be a father right now. So far, I've tried to respect his wishes. However, I'm on birth control pills and sometimes I feel I should secretly stop taking them. Then if I get pregnant I can say, "Wow, how did that happen?" Please tell me what you think. I can't hold out much longer. -- READY-OR-NOT IN TEXAS
DEAR READY-OR-NOT: Continue to hold out, because you are on the verge of making a mistake that could affect at least three people for a lifetime. Before you act on your fantasy, it's important that you understand what is missing in your life and why you are trying to fill the space with an innocent baby.
Conceiving a child through dishonesty is a terrible beginning. From the tone of your letter, neither you nor your "great guy" is ready for the responsibilities of parenthood.
Woman Hopes Fling With Boss Will Become Steady Commitment
DEAR ABBY: I'm kinda involved with this guy at work. He's my boss and he's really hot. "Rod" and I started sleeping together almost a year ago, and he's told me all along that he cares a lot for me. My problem is he says he can't "be" with me, because he can't give me what I deserve emotionally -- he can only fulfill my physical needs.
So, in my head I'm saying, "OK, that's better than nothing." Rod bought me a car and has been generous in the money department. But a couple of months ago, he started seeing this other girl. I refer to her as the "Sexless Unwilling Virgin."
Rod says he loves her, but he still wants to sleep with me. I don't understand why he doesn't love me, and I can't figure out why he's never taken me out on a real date. Lately he only stays overnight when he doesn't have anything else to do.
I know he cares for me, and that we have a history he doesn't have with the "S.U.V." Should I keep sticking it out? I can't stop hoping that one day we'll end up being a real couple. Rod means the world to me. I'd do almost anything for him. What do you think? -- IN LOVE WITH THE HOT ROD
DEAR IN LOVE: Idle your motor. The man you have described appears to be fulfilling your material and physical needs -- but not your emotional ones. It's up to you to decide how long you can live with two out of three. I hope you'll soon wake up to the fact that you are being used, and that it will spur you to find a man who truly loves you and is willing to make a commitment.
DEAR ABBY: My mother and I have always agreed that we don't interfere with each other's decisions. Emotional support and tidbits of advice are welcome -- but no meddling. This worked well for us until she met "Don" nine months ago. They're currently living together and plan to be married this summer.
Don spends his afternoons at the neighborhood bar, has worked only two weeks since Mom has known him (he was fired for stealing), has been arrested for shoplifting, and lies about his "war experience" in hopes of gaining sympathy. (He never served a day in the military. I checked.)
Mother is one of those women who are incapable of living alone. Her second husband of eight years died suddenly last year, and since then her life has been anything but normal and stable. My sister flat-out told her how she feels about Don ("Dump the loser") and now they're not speaking. I don't want to harm our relationship, but Mom constantly asks me for money I don't have. What am I supposed to say to her, Abby? -- TOO EXASPERATED FOR WORDS IN ARKANSAS
DEAR EXASPERATED: Tell her no, and tell her why. Explaining that you have no intention of supporting her freeloading fiance is not meddling. It's a bracing dose of the truth, and a glimpse of what lies ahead for her.
Your mother needs to know now that although you love her, you refuse to dispense dollars like an ATM machine, and she deserves someone who will treat her far better than Don does.
DEAR ABBY: I have a beautiful double strand of pearls I'd love to wear, but it was a gift from my ex-husband. Can I wear the necklace while out with my current husband? -- NEW WIFE IN GUAM
DEAR NEW WIFE: As long as your current husband doesn't object, I see no reason why not. Sometimes a string of pearls is only a string of pearls.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
DEAR ABBY: I'm writing in response to the "Anonymous Girl in North Dakota," a fifth-grader who said she is teased because she's "really short." My 10th-grade daughter was in the same boat, always the tiniest and suffering from comments made not only by other kids, but by adults as well.
Please let "Anonymous Girl's" parents know they should see a pediatric endocrinologist as quickly as possible. Their daughter may be a candidate for treatment with HGH (human growth hormone), which many insurance companies have recently allowed as a pharmaceutical deduction rather than a medical expense, making treatment much more affordable. Time is of the essence! Once the growth plates close, the window of opportunity also closes. For children who do not produce enough growth hormone, the treatment is a medical necessity. -- JERI IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA
DEAR JERI: Thank you for an important letter. I did not realize that the solution to the girl's problem might be solved by medical intervention. Her letter generated comments from many readers who wanted to help. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: Please let that young girl in on a secret. The kids who tease her are not making fun of her because she's short. They do it because they're worried someone is going to find a reason to make fun of THEM. They're trying to make themselves look good by making her look bad. When I was in fifth grade, I was made fun of for being tall. By focusing attention on someone else, they deflect criticism from themselves. -- MANDY IN COLORADO
DEAR MANDY: You've hit the nail on the head.
DEAR ABBY: The girl who's teased should give a big laugh and say, "I like to think of myself as perfection in miniature!" It worked for me. -- SUZANNE IN SEATTLE
DEAR ABBY: The child in North Dakota should know that the Greek philosopher, Aristocles, was very short, too. His nicknames were "Shorty" or "Flatty." We know him today as Plato. -- FRANCIS A. BURKLE-YOUNG, GETTYSBURG COLLEGE
DEAR ABBY: An interviewer asked a short-statured man how he felt being surrounded by people taller than he. His reply was priceless: "Like a dime among pennies." -- CATHERINE IN TEXAS
DEAR ABBY: Please tell that girl to get involved in competitive cheerleading or gymnastics. In either sport, small size can be an advantage. In cheerleading, the smallest girls get to be the "fliers," the ones who are tossed in the air or at the top of the stunts. This is true of my daughter. It has boosted her confidence. She now views her height as an asset rather than a liability. -- MOTHER IN S.E. TEXAS
DEAR ABBY: The plea from the child in North Dakota touched my heart. I, too, have always been short. My defense was to become an achiever in class and in athletics. (I later became a doctor.) The best response to people who tease should be, "That's the way God made me, and I do the best I can with what I was given." Detractors have a difficult time fielding that response. -- ALBERT IN VERO BEACH, FLA.
DEAR ABBY: My daughter had the same problem. Finally she looked at her tormentor and said, "Yes, I am short. I'm also sweet, cute, bright and a good friend. I am also finished talking to you about things that are out of my control. You're boring me!" And she walked away. The girl never bothered her again. -- PROUD MOM IN HONOLULU
DEAR PROUD MOM: Which proves there is no defense like a strong offense. (Thank you to everyone who wrote. "Shortness" of space is a frustrating reality I can't ignore.)