DEAR ABBY: My mother and I have always agreed that we don't interfere with each other's decisions. Emotional support and tidbits of advice are welcome -- but no meddling. This worked well for us until she met "Don" nine months ago. They're currently living together and plan to be married this summer.
Don spends his afternoons at the neighborhood bar, has worked only two weeks since Mom has known him (he was fired for stealing), has been arrested for shoplifting, and lies about his "war experience" in hopes of gaining sympathy. (He never served a day in the military. I checked.)
Mother is one of those women who are incapable of living alone. Her second husband of eight years died suddenly last year, and since then her life has been anything but normal and stable. My sister flat-out told her how she feels about Don ("Dump the loser") and now they're not speaking. I don't want to harm our relationship, but Mom constantly asks me for money I don't have. What am I supposed to say to her, Abby? -- TOO EXASPERATED FOR WORDS IN ARKANSAS
DEAR EXASPERATED: Tell her no, and tell her why. Explaining that you have no intention of supporting her freeloading fiance is not meddling. It's a bracing dose of the truth, and a glimpse of what lies ahead for her.
Your mother needs to know now that although you love her, you refuse to dispense dollars like an ATM machine, and she deserves someone who will treat her far better than Don does.