DEAR ABBY: I am a 21-year-old member of the Air Force stationed in South Korea. I would have been married last month to "Barbara," whom I met back home three years ago. However, Barbara broke up with me because she thought our engagement was too long, and she was tired of waiting.
After Barb broke our engagement, she started hanging out with a rough crowd –- drinking, smoking dope, etc. The last time I was home on furlough, she confessed that two weeks after our engagement was called off, she had sex with a guy she didn't even know. Barb knows she made a terrible mistake.
After much soul-searching I forgave her –- and we are once again talking marriage. My problem is, I feel a strong urge to cheat on her before we tie the knot. I was up-front with Barb about my feelings. I argued that it took 11 months before she'd sleep with me, and it took her only two weeks to find a total stranger to have sex with.
Every time I think about the fact that Barbara had sex with someone else, it makes me want to retaliate. Should I act on it, Abby? -- SOUL-SEARCHING IN SEOUL
DEAR SOUL-SEARCHING: Please RE-consider everything you are considering. Having sex with someone in order to punish a third party is a poor reason to have sex. I urge you to resist the impulse. Frankly, I think neither of you is ready to marry anyone at this time.
DEAR ABBY: I am curious about baby shower etiquette. I'm 27 and pregnant with my second child. My son from a previous relationship will be 8 years old this month. I am now married, and this will be my husband's first child. I had a shower before my son was born, but as the years passed I've given away most of his baby things.
A few of my closest friends want to give me a shower, but my sister is telling everyone that it's not appropriate. It's not so much the gifts I want, but the celebration of this new life growing inside me. If you can offer any advice, it would be greatly appreciated. -- SECOND-TIME MOM IN LOUISIANA
DEAR SECOND-TIME MOM: I see nothing inappropriate about a shower for the new baby, for the good reasons you have given. Please don't let your sister spoil a happy occasion.
DEAR ABBY: I am a recovering alcoholic with 20 years of sobriety. My daughter is in the midst of planning her wedding. I am going to pay for it, which I'm happy to do.
My dilemma: I feel reluctant to pay for the alcohol. My daughter and her fiance explained the situation to his parents and asked them to pitch in. They refused.
I have no objection to liquor being served, but as a matter of principle, I don't want to foot the bill. Please advise. -- FATHER OF THE BRIDE IN OHIO
DEAR FATHER OF THE BRIDE: Do not feel guilty for standing by your convictions. Under the circumstances, your position is understandable. Since the groom's parents refuse to pitch in, arrange for a variety of nonalcoholic beverages to be served -– and don't apologize. If your daughter wants to serve alcohol, tell her that she and her fiance are welcome to pay for it.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
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