To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
'Odd Ducks' in Teen Years Can Easily Turn Into Swans
DEAR ABBY: May I comment on the letter from the girl who has a crush on the "weird" guy in her high school band?
Thirty years ago, I was that weird guy with the burr haircut, buck teeth, horn-rimmed glasses and skinny as a rail. I had a crush on a good-looking blonde, but she was out of my league, so I never asked her out.
Twenty-nine years later, I was on the Internet. Through a classmates reunion site, she and I started chatting. She was divorced, as was I. The more we talked, the more we fell for each other. When I finally decided to visit her, "fireworks" flew.
We have been married one year this week, and it has been one of the most exciting years of my life. Tell "Odd Duck" to hang in there. Things will be great if meant to be. -- HERMAN B., WATERFORD, CALIF.
DEAR H.B.: Congratulations on your anniversary. (I'm a sucker for a happy ending!) Many people, like fine wine, improve with age. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I'd like to respond to "Odd Duck in South Texas." Bravo for you, young lady! When I was in high school, I was considered an "odd duck" myself. I didn't drink, smoke, or ride around aimlessly every Friday and Saturday night. I studied, got excellent grades, respected my parents, and for that, I was ostracized by my classmates and always felt like an outsider.
You and your friend Tad should hang in there. When you finish high school, and later, college, you'll realize that the people most worth knowing just might be those "odd ducks." -- HILLARY IN WEINER, ARIZ.
DEAR HILLARY: You're right. Some people develop social skills later than others.
DEAR ABBY: I, too, was not the "coolest" kid in high school, and I was also in the band. I was desperately in love with a popular girl I'll call Susan. We were good friends, but it never went further.
Years later, Susan confessed to me that she also had feelings for me, but was afraid her friends would turn on her for not dating someone from the "cool" crowd.
Living your life by someone else's standards is not living at all. "Odd Duck's" ugly duckling might someday become a swan. -- HAPPILY MARRIED IN PHILLY
DEAR HAPPILY MARRIED: It takes courage to stand by one's convictions. Susan's lack of maturity was its own punishment.
DEAR ABBY: I am an 11-year-old boy, and my mom says if I want something at the store, I have to pay for it myself. I try to do chores for money, but I'm always too busy with schoolwork. I barely get enough time to play outside. Do you have any suggestions on how to get money? -- NEEDS $$
DEAR NEEDS $$: Talk to your parents and ask them if your chores can be done on the weekends. If you want something badly enough, you'll find the time.
WORTH REMEMBERING: "People can keep a journal to record their life, their thoughts, their happiness, the events of their families, etc. They can also keep a journal of creative observations, their hopes, their ideas and dreams, as Leonardo da Vinci did. He always had a notebook hanging from his belt to record his observations. I have one constantly in my pocket and on my night table. We must be the source of good ideas and dreams for a better world. We are part of evolution." -- ROBERT MULLER
RESCUE WORKERS LEFT IN DARK BY POORLY MARKED ADDRESSES
DEAR ABBY: I am a police officer in a small but very busy community in New England. I would like to impress upon your readers the importance of having their address numbers clearly visible on their homes and businesses. On too many occasions, police, fire and rescue personnel have wasted precious time trying to find the exact location of an emergency because the homes and businesses in the area were poorly marked -- or not marked at all. This could mean the difference between life or death for the persons requiring assistance.
The numbers must be large enough to be seen from the roadway in all types of weather and lighting conditions. Their color must contrast sharply with their background. Put them directly on or immediately by the front door. If the structure is set too far back from the road, place the number at the entrance to the driveway. Make them large enough to be read from a moving vehicle. Individual apartment or condo doors should be clearly numbered or lettered as well. It is a wise investment that could save your life. -- PUBLIC SERVANT IN RHODE ISLAND
DEAR PUBLIC SERVANT: You have written an important letter, and I'm pleased to pass along your message. Address numbers should be posted on both sides of one's mailbox, or near a porch light so they're clearly visible at night. Do not allow hanging plants, overgrown shrubs or partially opened doors to obscure them.
Once 9-1-1 is called, if at all possible, station someone at the door or in the yard to guide the police, firefighters or emergency medical personnel in. It's also a good idea to give the 9-1-1 operator a brief description of the house. A 15-minute search for an address during an emergency can be the difference between life and death.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 20-something new mother, as are most of my friends. On New Year's Eve, my husband and I invited all our friends who have small children over to ring in the new year together. The idea was that the children (all 20 months and younger) could play and fall asleep, while the adults sat back and enjoyed themselves.
The nursery was packed with little ones snug in their makeshift beds, as their moms and dads sang "Auld Lang Syne." A good time was had by all.
The next day, I received a phone call from my cousin, who attended the party. He's a police officer. He told me that two of my guests had reported $50 stolen from their purses sometime during the evening. I was flabbergasted. All of the guests who attended are so close that my husband and I would have trusted them with our children's lives. Now we don't know what to do. I've called each guest. No one else had money stolen, and any one of us would have gladly lent funds to whoever took the cash from those purses.
What do I do now, Abby? I have lost trust in my closest friends. I had scheduled play dates for our children, but have told the other mothers not to bring their purses. -- HEARTSICK IN CLEARWATER, FLA.
DEAR HEARTSICK: By notifying your guests about the unfortunate incident, you have already done the responsible thing. You have prevented it from happening again.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
RELIGIOUS MESSAGE IN HOLIDAY TREATS CAN BE POLITELY REFUSED
DEAR ABBY: Your advice to "Happy Hindu in the Bible Belt," whose Christian friends tuck religious pamphlets into holiday boxes of baked goodies in an effort to convert her, was off base. You advised her to ignore the brochures and enjoy the goodies -- unless she had lost her appetite -- in which case she should donate the treats to a shelter or take them to the office.
I disagree. That lovely lady should politely tell her friends that she likes her own religion and ask them to please stop with the religious literature. If they continue, she should end the friendship. If converting her is more important than her friendship, there IS no friendship. -- BEEN THERE, TOO, IN BEND, ORE.
DEAR B.T.T.: Your answer is better than mine. Interestingly, "Happy Hindu's" problem appears to be widespread. That letter brought in a bushel of mail. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I am Jewish. A friend from college kept sending me "Jesus Loves You" Christmas cards. I told her it hurt my feelings that she didn't respect my beliefs. I made it clear that I am Jewish and will always remain Jewish, as it is my religious and cultural background.
Like "Hindu," I know that some of these gestures are well-intentioned, but I would never dream of sending my friend Hanukkah cards. I send cards that say "Season's Greetings" or "Happy Holidays." It's good to learn about other people's beliefs and be open to them -- but not when they're forced on you. -- JILL IN SACRAMENTO
DEAR JILL: I regret that I did not advise "Happy Hindu" to be as outspoken and upfront as you and "Been There."
DEAR ABBY: Your answer to "Happy Hindu" offended me as a Christian. If the circumstances were different, would you tell me to ignore my Buddhist friends, but enjoy their treats if I didn't gag first? Why is evangelical Christianity the only religion we shouldn't tolerate? -- MARY S., ELLIJAY, GA.
DEAR MARY S.: It's not. Anyone who proselytizes is treading on "sacred ground." It's regarded as offensive, even if it is heartfelt.
DEAR ABBY: Hard as it is to live with some evangelicals, they are easier to take than people who feel justified in resorting to violence against those they feel are "lost." You have to understand that with evangelicals, it is an article of faith, and it's their Christian duty to preach their version of the Gospel, especially if they care about you and are genuinely concerned about your soul. -- DOLLY IN LACEY, WASH.
DEAR DOLLY: I am aware of that. A devout and very sweet lady once told me she was "sad" because she loved me and knew she wouldn't see me in heaven. I asked her why. She said, "Because you haven't been saved!" Once I got over the shock that her heaven was segregated, I assured her that even though I might not be in hers, she would definitely be in mine, so please not to worry any further.
DEAR ABBY: Many people have stopped me on the street or come to my door with religious tracts, so I had cards printed with the following: "I never told my own religion nor scrutinized that of another. I never attempted to make a convert, nor wished to change another's creed. I am satisfied that yours must be an excellent religion to have produced a life of such exemplary virtue and correctness. For it is in our lives, not from our words, that our religion must be judged." (Thomas Jefferson to Mrs. H. Harrison Smith, 1816) -- KAYE IN N.Y.C.
DEAR KAYE: I agree with his timeless and profound conclusion.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)