For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
For Diabetics, Heart Health Is Matter of Life and Death
DEAR ABBY: February is devoted to "matters of the heart." As president of the American Diabetes Association, I offer this message to your readers and to the 17 million Americans with diabetes: The "heart matters" when treating diabetes -- much more than people realize.
Two out of three people with diabetes will die from heart attack or stroke unless they manage their blood sugar, blood pressure and cholesterol. The following are the ABCs of diabetes:
(A) A1C, the test that measures average blood sugar over the past three months, should be less than seven, and checked at least twice a year.
(B) BLOOD PRESSURE should be below 130/80 and measured at every visit with your doctor.
(C) CHOLESTEROL (LDL or "bad") should be below 100 and checked once a year.
It's imperative that people with diabetes work closely with their health-care provider to determine what steps they can take to reach their ABC goals. Some people may have to make changes in their meal plans or exercise routines. In many cases, medicines are needed to keep the ABCs on track.
The American Diabetes Association and the American College of Cardiology have launched a major assault on diabetes and cardiovascular disease through an initiative called "Make the Link! Diabetes, Heart Disease and Stroke." Abby, please encourage your readers to learn more about this effort by calling (800) 342-2383 or visiting our Web site: www.diabetes.org/makethelink. -- FRANCINE KAUFMAN, M.D.
DEAR DR. KAUFMAN: Thank you for an important letter. Out of the 17 million Americans with diabetes, almost 6 million don't know it. That's because diabetes develops gradually, often without obvious signs or symptoms.
The most common symptoms of Type 1 diabetes are: frequent urination, unusual thirst, extreme hunger, unusual weight loss, extreme fatigue and irritability. Type 2 diabetes symptoms are the same as Type 1, plus: frequent infections, blurred vision, cuts/bruises that are slow to heal, tingling/numbness in the hands or feet, and recurring skin, gum or bladder infections.
There is a quick and easy test to see if you are at risk on the Web site: www.diabetes.org/risktest.
DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Alicia," and I were married three months ago. We have a large circle of friends who gave us wonderful wedding gifts.
Yesterday, a package arrived in the mail. It was addressed only to Alicia, but we opened it together. Inside, we found a beautifully framed photograph of Alicia with her old boyfriend, "Enrico." It had been taken several years ago on Maui. They were laughing with their arms around each other (in wet bathing suits) in front of a beautiful tropical sunset. I was very offended. I took the photograph out of the frame and tore it up. Alicia thinks I overreacted, but I couldn't help myself.
Enrico has never liked me because "I took Alicia away from him." I believe he intentionally wanted to push my buttons -- and he succeeded. I totally trust Alicia, but feel my anger was justified. What do you think? -- BUMMED BY THE BEACH PHOTO
DEAR BUMMED: I think you played right into Enrico's hands. Look at it on the positive side: You have Alicia and a nice picture frame. All poor Enrico has are his memories -- and the negative.
Girl's 'Betrayal' of Friendship Saves Life of Anorexic Teen
DEAR ABBY: I do not typically write to advice columnists, but the plea from the 16-year-old from Santa Rosa, who asked how to help her friend who has an eating disorder, touched me. I was in a similar situation -- my friend was anorexic. I, too, was afraid of betraying her, but my fear for her life finally overrode that.
Sobbing, I called her parents and talked with her mother. My friend was furious and refused to speak to me for a long time. I felt guilty for revealing her secret.
Her parents thanked me and saw that she got much-needed help. Today she is healthy, happily married and has children of her own. And we are friends again.
I want that young lady to know that it's OK -- even if it feels wrong -- to tell the truth, to ask for help, and yes, to betray a trust if it's a matter of life and death. Bulimia, and any other eating disorder, falls into that category. -- STILL FRIENDS IN WISCONSIN
DEAR STILL FRIENDS: Bless you for wanting to support her. Her letter brought a flood of mail about the danger of eating disorders. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I just saw the letter from the 16-year-old girl with the bulimic friend. Yes, PLEASE tell someone! One of my best friends in high school was the same way. I had many opportunities to tell teachers or her mom, but I didn't. She committed suicide in her parents' garage during our sophomore year in college. Had I "betrayed" her in high school, perhaps she would have gotten the professional help she needed and she'd be with us today. She was beautiful and talented. I will always miss her. -- KATHY IN COLORADO
DEAR KATHY: Please do not blame yourself. Years ago, people did not recognize the seriousness of eating disorders.
DEAR ABBY: The daughter of some close friends has anorexia. Her friends, including her boyfriend, intervened and told her that if she did not tell her parents, they would. The girl took them seriously. She went to her high school social worker and her parents were called in.
The parents handled it wonderfully. They got their daughter medical and psychological help -- not only for her, but also for the entire family.
A true friend must tell, regardless of the possible consequences. It beats the alternative, which can be death. -- ANONYMOUS IN MINNESOTA
DEAR ANONYMOUS: Thank you for pointing out that an eating disorder can be a FAMILY problem.
DEAR ABBY: My 16-year-old niece took her life. After the funeral, two of her closest friends told my sister that my niece had been bulimic for nine months preceding her death.
Eating disorders should be taken seriously, as there are reasons behind them that have nothing to do with food. A person who is bulimic -- or has "episodes" of purging -- is in serious danger and may be depressed or even suicidal. -- SURVIVOR OF A LOVED ONE'S SUICIDE IN NEW YORK
DEAR SURVIVOR: Please accept my sympathy for your loss. Thank you for wanting to warn others.
DEAR ABBY: Your advice was right on. The friend must tell. There is no time to waste. I know from personal experience. I am bulimic, and have been since I was 15. I am now 33 and struggle every day. I only wish someone had helped me when I needed it. The longer you wait, the harder it is to control. She will be saving her friend's life, because in the long run, the life of a bulimic is no life at all. -- ANONYMOUS, GRANTS PASS, ORE.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Woman Is Nuts to Socialize With Friend Who Deceived Her
DEAR ABBY: Recently the six ladies in my garden club got together to celebrate the birthday of one of the "girls." We are all in our 50s and 60s and have been friends for years. They all know I have an allergy to nuts, and eating even one can cause a violent reaction. Therefore, I always make a point of asking if nuts are in any of the dishes served at our get-togethers.
One of the ladies, "Mary," served a beautiful casserole. When I asked her if it contained any nuts, she said, "Of course not -- I know you're allergic." Just before we sat down to eat, one of the other women pulled me aside and warned me not to eat any of Mary's casserole because it did, indeed, have nuts.
When I confronted Mary and asked if it was true, she laughed and replied, "This so-called allergy is all in your head, and I was going to do you a favor by proving it to you today."
Abby, I have seen several doctors about my allergy. It is not "in my head." Nuts can cause my blood pressure to skyrocket and cause terrible headaches and vomiting. How should I handle my friendship with Mary after this incident? -- ALLERGIC TO NUTS IN GEORGIA
DEAR ALLERGIC: Friendship with Mary? Mary is not your friend. She deliberately placed your life at risk. Avoid her -- and her casseroles -- at all costs.
DEAR ABBY: You recently printed many telltale signs of a cheating spouse. What are the signs that someone likes you? My friends tell me this guy at work has a crush on me. How can they see it, and I cannot? -- WONDERING IN MONTANA
DEAR WONDERING: Because the signs can vary. Some to consider:
(1) The person "lights up" and usually seems to have a lot to say to you.
(2) The reverse can also be true. The person becomes tongue-tied in your presence.
(3) The person makes a point of being complimentary.
(4) The person makes excuses to see you, call you, e-mail you.
Readers, would you care to add to this list?
DEAR ABBY: I'll bet more than a few people made New Year's resolutions to do some kind of good deed this year. I would like to help those who have procrastinated by recommending a volunteer job in a nonprofit organization.
This year, RSVP (Retired and Senior Volunteer Program) is celebrating 30 proud years of service, placing older adults in positions of impact, allowing seniors to shape the communities in which they live.
If your readers are interested in volunteering, we can send them to schools, museums, hospitals, libraries, senior centers -- even to the zoo. The list is never-ending. Thanks for spreading the word, Abby. -- MERYL SUNSHINE, SAN FRANCISCO RSVP OUTREACH COORDINATOR
DEAR MERYL: It is my pleasure to spread the word. RSVP is a unique program for people 55 and older who are willing to donate anywhere from four to 40 hours a week. Its flexibility allows persons of various skill levels and expertise to help resolve problems that affect their communities. Volunteers provide food for the homeless and hungry, mentor children, assist in community policing, prepare tax returns for elderly and low-income individuals, and much more.
To become an RSVP volunteer, call toll-free: (800) 424-8867 or check the Web site www.seniorcorps.org.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)