DEAR ABBY: My fiance, "Doug," just revealed to me that for the past six months he's been using drugs. We've been together almost four years and our wedding is scheduled for next month. We are both in our early 20s.
Doug confessed that he has been using money we set aside for bills to buy drugs. He said he has also stolen money from our best friend for the same purpose.
He came to me on his own to tell me all this. Doug has always been a sweet, caring guy. I love him with all my heart, but I've lost my trust in him. Now I don't know what to do. I can hardly believe this is happening. I still want to marry him, but don't want to marry someone I don't trust. What should I do? I need an answer in a hurry. -- HURT AND CONFUSED IN FLORIDA
DEAR HURT AND CONFUSED: You have just had a peek at what life is like with an addict. Postpone the wedding indefinitely until your fiance has been through rehabilitation and is established in a 12-step program. You may love him -- and vice versa -- but there is a side to your fiance that you're just getting to know. I urge you to be sure he's clean before you make a lifetime commitment.
DEAR ABBY: Friends of ours, "Cindy and Josh," are moving a few states away and throwing a goodbye party for themselves. Are my husband and I required to take a gift to the party? They were married a few months ago, and we were very generous with their shower and wedding gifts.
Josh has been unemployed for more than a year. According to Cindy, he doesn't like to job-hunt, so he's waiting for something to "fall in his lap." On the other hand, Cindy has a well-paying, full-time job. They live rent-free in a house his parents own, and spend their money on sports memorabilia, stereo equipment, electronic gadgets, etc.
Neither one has a job waiting in the city where they're relocating, but they were given money by Cindy's parents to cover moving expenses and rent for the first few months. Cindy is hinting broadly that she expects cash as gifts.
I thought gifts were required only at housewarmings -- not farewell parties. However, my husband doesn't want us to appear cheap. Your thoughts, Abby? -- QUESTIONING COUPLE IN MISSOURI
DEAR QUESTIONING COUPLE: Although you are not required to take a farewell gift to the party, a token gift would be thoughtful. A small "jam jar" might be appropriate, because I predict they'll encounter more than one along the way. (A book on money management would also be appropriate -- and helpful.)
DEAR ABBY: I am a 15-year-old freshman in high school. My problem is that my math grades stink. Each night I try hard to double-check my math homework, but when it gets graded the next day, I always end up missing six or seven out of 10 questions.
I've asked my parents for help. They say it's been too long since they tackled math, and it's beyond them. Help! -- GOTTA GET GOOD GRADES IN WYOMING
DEAR GOTTA GET GOOD GRADES: You need a tutor. A junior or senior math-whiz who's patient could help you turn things around. Talk to your math teacher or school counselor before you fall further behind. They're there to help. Good luck.
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