What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
DEAR ABBY: I would like to comment on the letter from "Jack of All Trades," who feels he is at a dead end because he has only a G.E.D.
I work for a college. Many of the students who come through our doors have G.E.D.s. We test the students to place them in classes for their level of learning.
"Jack" can get a degree, and he is never too old to start. Many older people are entering college for the first time today. He shouldn't hesitate. New classes begin all year long. -- BEVERLY P., WICHITA, KAN.
DEAR BEVERLY: I hope "Jack" sees this column, because many people reached out to help him. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I was in "Jack's" shoes at one time. I had little education, no family and no direction.
It took determination to change my situation. I was married to an abusive man, had quit high school in 10th grade and had very little family support. I decided at 25 that it was time to take back my life.
I went to night school to get my G.E.D., then went on to college for eight years. After receiving my B.A. degree, I left my abusive marriage, landed a great job, and today I'm enrolled in an MBA program.
Good luck, "Jack"! You can do it. -- FINALLY EDUCATED IN TAMPA
DEAR FINALLY EDUCATED: It's success stories like yours that inspire others.
DEAR ABBY: This is in reply to the 32-year-old "Jack" who feels he has done nothing with his life. Sooooo? The average healthy American is living 80 or more years, which means "Jack" has about 50 to go. Now more than ever, nontraditional students are going to college for the first time. A college adviser is there to help in areas of financial aid and selecting a major -- and support groups such as SOS (Student Opportunity Services) help nontraditional students adjust to college life. -- BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, BILLINGS, MONT.
DEAR BT/DT: Thank you for your helpful suggestions.
DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Jack of All Trades" really hit home. I, too, struggled with everything. It turned out I have attention deficit disorder (ADD). My life is now changed and, at 35, I am back in college. I'm learning and growing in every way and every day. I can also sleep at night. -- RON IN TOPEKA
DEAR RON: You have made an excellent point. A person who has difficulty concentrating or is disorganized should be evaluated for ADD.
DEAR ABBY: My father moved out of the house last week and I am really hurting. What can I do to ease the pain besides the obvious: spend time with him on weekends, call him, etc.? I feel like I no longer have a dad -- even though I still see him at least once a week. -- FEELING FATHERLESS IN NORTH DAKOTA
DEAR FEELING FATHERLESS: Tell your father exactly how you feel. Your feelings are normal. Some family counseling sessions to ease the transition could be helpful for all of you.
Wife of Military Man Is Hurt When His Parents Ignore Her
DEAR ABBY: For the two years I've been married to "John," I have known his parents wished he had married someone other than me. They have never accepted me or tried to get to know me as a daughter-in-law. Family is important to me. All I ever hoped was that they'd give me half a chance.
I've told John how I feel. He has yet to stand up for me. What upsets me is his mom and dad are nice to my face and in John's presence, but when he isn't around they ignore me. It's like I'm invisible.
My husband is in the military. During the past year he has been away on active duty, his parents have never once invited me to spend a holiday or any other time with them. I am always the one to reach out. John is due home next month, and I know my in-laws will try to "make nice" with me for his benefit -– but it's all fake.
If they truly wanted to get to know me, they would have tried while I was alone. (I live less than a mile from them.) I am sad, hurt and angry about the way I've been treated in my husband's absence. I love him more than anything, but my biggest fear is that when we're reunited, my feelings toward his folks will have a spillover effect on our marriage. What can be done, Abby? -- MISERABLE DAUGHTER-IN-LAW IN NORFOLK, VA.
DEAR MISERABLE DAUGHTER-IN-LAW: When your husband returns, impress upon him the fact that his parents never called or invited you to join them in his absence. It's a shame to have to put him in the middle, but these are his parents and if they'll listen to anybody, it's most likely him.
In the meantime, develop other emotional resources with other military families. When a loved one goes on active duty, it's not unusual that those left behind are on an emotional roller-coaster. Other wives (and husbands) can appreciate how you feel. Perhaps you can support each other.
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Harvey," and I became engaged over the holidays. We are beginning to plan our wedding. Harvey was raised Jewish. I was raised Catholic. We envisioned a ceremony with both a priest and a rabbi.
However, Harvey's parents have informed us that they will not attend if a priest is present. One solution might be to be married by a justice of the peace, but my parents want a "man of God" to preside.
Harvey and I are willing to do whatever it takes to please our parents, but we are having a difficult time reaching a compromise. Also, my parents are paying for the entire wedding, so I'm not sure if that gives them more "say" in the matter or not. Please help. -- MARRIAGE BOUND AND IN A BIND
DEAR MARRIAGE BOUND: Before you and Harvey make any more plans, it might be helpful for both sets of parents to get together socially. If there is no "meeting of the minds," I urge you and your fiance to get premarital counseling –- preferably from a nondenominational counselor. The problems you have encountered with Harvey's parents are just the beginning. You and he must come to a clear understanding now about how your children will be raised. If it's anything other than Jewish, I see major family problems and conflicts ahead for you because of his parents' stance.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
QUIZ ON ALCOHOLISM REVEALS SOBERING REASONS FOR CONCERN
DEAR READERS: Yesterday my column was composed of letters I received in just one day about alcoholism. Today, for readers who may be concerned about their drinking, I am printing a wake-up call:
ARE YOU AN ALCOHOLIC?
1. Have you ever decided to stop drinking for a week or so, but lasted only a couple of days?
2. Do you wish people would stop nagging you about your drinking?
3. Have you ever switched from one kind of drink to another hoping that would keep you from getting drunk?
4. Have you had a drink in the morning during the past year?
5. Do you envy people who can drink without getting into trouble?
6. Have you had problems connected with drinking during the past year?
7. Has your drinking caused you trouble at home?
8. Do you ever try to get extra drinks at a party because you did not get enough to drink?
9. Do you tell yourself you can stop drinking any time you want, even though you keep getting drunk?
10. Have you missed days at work because of the drinking?
11. Do you have blackouts?
12. Have you ever felt that your life would be better if you did not drink?
13. When you take one or two drinks, can you stop and walk away?
14. Have you ever embarrassed yourself or someone else when drinking?
15. Do you drink every day?
16. How many times in the last month have you awakened with a hangover?
17. Do you spend money you don't have on alcohol?
18. Has this affected your sleeping habits? (Do you pass out, get a drink in the middle of the night, or wet the bed when you sleep because of alcohol?)
If you have answered yes to four or more of these questions, you are either an alcoholic or on your way to becoming one.
So, now what do you do? For openers, go to your telephone directory and look up the listing for Alcoholics Anonymous. It is listed under "A." They charge no dues and you need not identify yourself unless you want to.
Another excellent group, Women for Sobriety Inc., was mentioned in my column yesterday. If a 12-step program is not for you, talk to your doctor about a referral for other treatment options.
DEAR ABBY: I work in an office with 10 people. One of my co-workers is being married next month. He invited the president of our small company and the vice president, but excluded everyone else, even though we all work shoulder-to-shoulder and have been exposed to every nauseating detail about the wedding.
Should the rest of us feel obligated to buy a gift for him? -- UNINVITED COLLEAGUE IN CHICAGO
DEAR UNINVITED: Certainly not. Shower him with good wishes, but a wedding gift is required only if one is attending the wedding, so you're all off the hook.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)