To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
DEAR ABBY: My next-door neighbors are nice people, but I'm faced with a problem I don't know how to solve. Their bathroom faces my driveway. They have a coating on their bathroom windowpanes, but it isn't as opaque as they think. There is no other window covering.
Abby, I am greeted nearly every morning with the sight of the man of the house stepping in and out of the shower, sitting on his "throne," etc. I can even tell if he's reading the newspaper.
This morning I went out to my car and could see him through the glass as clear as day. It was hardly a vision of loveliness. Even my friends have witnessed this unforgettable sight. It is embarrassing.
Please print this. I hope my neighbors see this letter and finally put an end to the "show." -- SEEN IT ALL IN MINNEAPOLIS
DEAR SEEN IT ALL: It's not enough to hope your neighbors read Dear Abby and recognize themselves. If you cannot find the courage to tell them the naked truth face-to-face, mail them a sweet note suggesting either a "cover charge" or another form of window covering. If they don't believe you, invite the wife over so she can see for herself. They need to know they're overexposed.
DEAR ABBY: I have single-handedly raised my 16-year-old daughter, "Jenna," for the past nine years. Now she's begging me to let her live with her father and his wife, who live about an hour and a half away. Jenna wants to finish high school there. Over the years, she's visited her father every other weekend and for six weeks during the summers. They spoil her rotten.
Last year, Jenna witnessed her stepmother being handcuffed and taken away in a police car. The charge was forging prescriptions for a controlled substance -- her second felony. Although this woman has been clean and sober for six months, prior to that arrest she was an addict for years. Her grown son, his girlfriend and their baby also live in my ex-husband's home.
I am convinced that Jenna should continue living with me and remain in the school where she is enrolled. She's a good student with many friends. Now she is furious with me because I won't give in to the pressure that she and her dad's household are putting on me to allow her to move. (They've promised to buy her a car.)
Am I wrong to hold to my decision against this move because I feel it is not in Jenna's best interest? -- MOTHER KNOWS BEST IN VIRGINIA
DEAR MOTHER: Stand your ground and follow your instincts. I see no compelling reason why your daughter should be uprooted from an atmosphere in which she is thriving -- good grades and good friends -- and placed in such a non-traditional household.
While her stepmother's recovery is admirable, and seems to be on its way, there is no guarantee she won't slip. It's not a chance you want to take.
DEAR ABBY: Please tell "Caught in the Middle," the mother of 15-year-old "Becky," that she needs to step in for her daughter's sake. The girl's overprotective father has gone off the deep end.
I was also raised by hyperprotective parents. When I was finally allowed to spread my wings, I went a little crazy. I wanted to catch up with my friends and see what I had been missing. The result was I became a mother at 18. -- SMALL TOWN IN ILLINOIS
DEAR S.T.: When I published that letter, the roof caved in. I received more than a thousand letters and e-mails. Read on for a sample:
DEAR ABBY: The only time I was let out of the house was to go to school. I wasn't allowed to have friends call me or even attend my own senior prom. The one time a boy did call, I got the silent treatment from my stepdad for a week. I finally joined the Army to get away. I had my first date when I was 18.
The only difference between "Becky" and me is my stepfather was physically, emotionally and sexually abusing me. I am now 43 and have never married. I have a hard time trusting men. I can't stress enough how detrimental this situation can be for a young person. I'm living proof. -- TRYING TO TRUST AGAIN
DEAR TRYING: Thank you for an important letter. I'm sorry to say that at least one-third of those who wrote to comment on that letter had stories similar to yours.
DEAR ABBY: I spent several years in law enforcement and had the opportunity to investigate cases of incest among family members. One of the signs we noted, time and time again, was extreme "overprotectiveness" by the fathers who had abused their daughters. (Their motive was jealousy and paranoia that the child might reveal to their friends what was happening at home.) It might be advisable for that mother to look deeper into this. -- CONCERNED IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR CONCERNED: I agree.
DEAR ABBY: I am a physician specializing in women's health and see many women who were sexually abused in childhood -- unfortunately by their own fathers. I am concerned that Becky is being abused, and now that she has reached sexual maturity, he is making sure no one finds out. The type of jealousy described by "Caught in the Middle" can be typical of these distorted, evil relationships. Please contact that girl's mother and express my concern. This is urgent. -- CONCERNED PHYSICIAN IN KENTUCKY
DEAR CONCERNED PHYSICIAN: The woman was afraid to give her name or address. I hope she sees this column.
DEAR ABBY: The same thing happened to me! I was young, sad, lonely, desperate and afraid. My father said if I told, no one would believe me. I considered suicide. I was 17 when he died, and I was finally able to tell Mom. She was devastated, but she believed me.
I have been in counseling for three years. Many women in my support group tell the same story. Becky will need counseling even if her father is NOT sexually abusing her. -- CORNELL, WIS., READER
DEAR READER: That may be true. The father may also need professional counseling even if he's not an abuser. In the words of C. Knight Aldrich, M.D., professor emeritus of psychiatry and family medicine at the University of Virginia School of Medicine: "One should not think that only fathers who are sexually abusing their daughters are overprotective. Sometimes overly conscientious parents are, too. The problem is, if parents are too rigid, their worst fears can turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy."
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)
to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)
DEAR READERS: Friday is Valentine's Day. While we celebrate that special day with cards and flowers, remember also to send a message from home to our brave young men and women in the military who, in great numbers, have been deployed to places far away from loved ones.
Regardless of one's personal political beliefs, our troops deserve all the support we can give them. So don't forget to join me in sending a Valentine's Day greeting via www.OperationDearAbby.net.
DEAR ABBY: All too often, ignorant people make racist jokes or comments to me, assuming I won't be offended because we are of the same race (Caucasian). They may be co-workers, classmates or others with whom I must remain civil.
The truth is I am highly offended by any racist comment. I have an African-American brother-in-law and a biracial nephew, both of whom I love dearly. It is because of them that I have become acutely aware of the damage that disparaging remarks "of color" can do. However, each time it happens in my presence, I never know how to respond. Normally I just shrug and say nothing -- then end up feeling terrible about my silence. How would you suggest I respond next time, Abby? -- FEELING UNTRUE TO MYSELF IN MARYLAND
DEAR FEELING UNTRUE: Tell it like it is: I'm sorry you feel the way you do. My brother-in-law is African-American and my nephew is biracial, and what you're saying certainly isn't true of them.
DEAR ABBY: I am an ambitious 22-year-old college senior. Two years ago, I met the man of my dreams. His name is "Wayne" and he's a youth minister. I feel like I've met my life companion.
The problem is that Wayne has a huge fear of commitment. On two separate occasions, we were engaged and about to make the announcement. However, at the last minute Wayne changed his mind and broke off our entire relationship with, "I need time."
Please tell me what to do. I am beginning to have difficulty trusting him with my feelings because he has hurt me twice by bailing out. -- HEARTBROKEN AND CONFUSED IN ALABAMA
DEAR HEARTBROKEN AND CONFUSED: Wayne may be the man of your dreams, but he clearly is not ready to make a lifetime commitment. Give him credit for being honest and all the time he needs, but in the meantime, date others and don't isolate yourself. "Mr. Right" for you may be just around the corner and as ready as you are to settle down.
DEAR ABBY: I have been reading your column for as long as I can remember. Now I'd like to tell you our story.
Close to Christmas, my husband received a telephone message from a woman in Tennessee. She said she had "a special something for him." Of course, all kinds of thoughts raced through our heads. My husband returned her call and was told that she had purchased a box of books several years earlier and had found his baby book among them. She had been trying to contact him ever since. She asked if he would like to have it back.
Apparently, when my husband's family moved years ago, the book had been misplaced. So on his birthday this year, he was reunited with his baby book after 58 years. Our heartfelt thanks to our "Angel in Tennessee" for caring enough to go that extra mile to track down my husband. We are truly grateful. -- HELEN AND MONTY HARMON, PHOENIX
DEAR HELEN AND MONTY: It's nice to be reminded that people are willing to go out of their way to do kind things for strangers. It's the highest form of giving.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)