Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: I saw the letter you printed from the 79-year-old woman who was concerned about going to her class reunion because she had been very promiscuous back in high school and had bedded about a third of the boys in her class.
When I read the letter to my husband, he looked at me and said, "Did you write that letter?"
Should I hit my husband on the head with my marble rolling pin or trash his golf clubs -- or both? -- HELEN IN TACOMA
DEAR HELEN: None of the above. But if it WERE true, I'd hide the yearbook.
DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Former Belle of the Ball," the 79-year-old lady who's reluctant to attend her 60th high school reunion.
My siblings and I were all born, reared and educated on the West Coast. One of my baby sisters was popular in high school and wouldn't think of missing a reunion. Sis was, and still is, the girl with the perfect skin, perfect body, perfect career, etc., even after two husbands and four children.
Sis related this story to me after attending her 25th high school reunion. When she made her entrance, not only was there no drum roll or trumpets to announce her arrival, no one recognized her. She later admitted that she didn't recognize any of them, either, name tags and all.
Then something interesting happened. People began approaching Sis's husband, saying, "I remember you!" He's usually socially retiring, but after people persistently ignored his protests, he settled into enjoying being identified by various people as everyone from the quarterback of the football team to the class president. One woman even pointed to a picture in the class almanac and announced, "There you are. I could never forget you!"
None of those people could possibly have known him from high school. My brother-in-law was born, raised and educated on the East Coast.
Frankly, I think that someone showing up at a 60th class reunion would be tickled to see ANYONE from the graduating class, even if he or she didn't recognize the person. I hope she followed your advice and went. -- COLLEEN IN FAIR OAKS, CALIF.
DEAR COLLEEN: So do I. As your sister's experience demonstrates, the one thing that a person attending any class reunion should never be without is a sense of humor.
DEAR ABBY: I hope you are going to give us the follow-up story of the 79-year-old woman who slept with two-thirds of the boys in her high school class and everyone knew it. Did she go to the reunion? What happened? You owe it to your readers. -- RICHARD P., WASHINGTON, D.C.
DEAR RICHARD: One of the frustrating aspects of my job is not always knowing how things turn out. If I had to make a guess, I'd say she probably went and was voted most popular girl at the reunion.
"Former Belle of the Ball" -- if you see this column, Please let us know. Your fan club is waiting.
UPSET MOM FINDS HER BOY'S 'TOYS' HIDDEN UNDER HIS BED
DEAR ABBY: My son, "Drew," is almost 19. My problem is I found sex toys under his bed. He has had a steady girlfriend, "Lindy, for a year. I have questioned them about their closeness. He says they've "fooled around" a little, but Lindy wants to wait until marriage for sex. I told Drew when he first started seeing Lindy to take it slow and not to pressure her.
My son and Lindy spend a lot of time alone together, and I worry about what might happen. Now, having found these "toys," I'm confused.
I threw them away and left him a note where he'd hidden the toys, saying that these things are unnecessary, especially for an 18-year-old -- and besides, they aren't the real thing. There were toys for both sexes, so that leads me to believe that Lindy may use them also. (They looked quite new.)
I want to believe that if they aren't sexually active, Drew feels these are necessary. I know all teenagers are curious, but I didn't think the curiosity would advance past men's magazines.
Was I wrong for being upset and throwing his toys away? Should I try to talk to him about this, or should I have his father talk to him? (I am the parent with the discipline and responsibility. My husband just lets everything go.) -- CONFUSED MOTHER IN FLORIDA
DEAR CONFUSED MOTHER: Earth to Mother! Children become interested in and curious about sex even before puberty. A few decades ago, puberty would occur around ages 13 or 14, but in recent years children as young as 10 or 11 are becoming sexually mature.
Your son is no longer a child. You should not have thrown his property away without first discussing the matter with him. As for your "talking to him about this," I think you have already done enough. However, it's time your husband had a serious man-to-man talk with him.
Whether or not Drew and his girlfriend are having sex now, they are having a sexual relationship. Once things are hot and heavy enough to involve sex toys, the real thing is sure to follow.
So please take your head out of the sand and make absolutely certain that your son AND his girlfriend know the importance of birth control -- and how to use it. Do not procrastinate, or before you know it, someone could be calling you Granny.
DEAR ABBY: I am 23 and live at home with my parents. My boyfriend is 24, and also lives at home.
His mother has given him a cruise for his birthday, and he would like to take me. However, my parents don't believe in premarital sex and have already told me I cannot go away with him -- that only as a married couple can we travel together alone.
I do not want to miss this trip. I would love to spend this kind of time with my boyfriend. I love him very much, but my parents limit our time together. Is there a way to get around this? -- RESTRICTED IN OCEANSIDE, N.Y.
DEAR RESTRICTED: Yes. Invite a chaperone or get married.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
CHILDREN NEVER OUTGROW NEED FOR THEIR GRANDMOTHER'S LOVE
DEAR ABBY: "Loving Grandma in Omaha" was unsure whether it was OK to still hold her 11-year-old grandson on her lap.
Her letter reminded me of the time my 10-year-old nephew and my mother and I were at a restaurant. (Mom had helped to raise him as a baby.)
Toward the end of dinner my nephew went to sit on my mother's lap. I asked him, "What happens when you're too big for Grandma to hold anymore?" Without blinking, he replied, "Then I'LL hold HER." I had tears in my eyes the rest of the evening. -- KATHLEEN C., COMMACK, N.Y.
DEAR KATHLEEN: Smart child. That is what I used to do with my mother. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I was close to my maternal grandmother. Some mornings she would call my mother at 7 a.m. and tell her to take my temperature because I was sick. (She was ALWAYS right!) After I was 10 or so, I grew too big for her to hold, so I'd lie on the couch and put my head in her lap and she'd rub my neck and head.
She died just before my 13th birthday. I was in school, but I "knew" it had happened before I was told.
She had a wonderful Yiddish saying: "Tsuris (trouble) is what you get from children. Naches (joy) is what you get from grandchildren!" -- SENTIMENTAL IN NEW ROCHELLE, N.Y.
DEAR SENTIMENTAL: There's truth in those old Yiddish sayings. Here's another: "When a man who has been previously married marries a woman who has been previously married, FOUR people go to bed." But I digress. Back to the subject:
DEAR ABBY: I rocked my son when he was a baby. When he was 6 or 7, he began having minor problems at school. His teacher suggested that I start rocking him again. I did, and within a few days, his teacher began commenting on how much better behaved he was.
I did not rock my son to sleep. We used the time to talk. He would confide his fears, little hurts, good things that happened -- things we would never otherwise have shared. I continued to rock him until he was nearly bigger than I was. It was one of the best things I ever did.
Today he's in college, and a very personable young man. -- PROUD MOM, CEDAR HILL, TEXAS
DEAR PROUD MOM: And I'm sure your wonderful relationship continues.
DEAR ABBY: I'm 32, and I still lie on the couch and put my head in my grandmother's lap. My sister is 28, a sergeant first class in the Army, and she still climbs into bed with Mom to talk. Some of my most precious memories are tied to those moments. Please tell "Loving Grandma" to continue rocking her grandson. As my mom is so fond of saying, "You cannot spoil a child by loving him." -- STILL CUDDLING, DAVENPORT, IOWA
DEAR STILL CUDDLING: Your mother is right.
DEAR ABBY: Grandchildren are never too old to be held and shown affection. I would give anything to feel my grandmother's arms around me just once more.
It has been four years since her passing. I still have days when the pain hits like it did when I first lost her, but I get through it knowing she is always with me. Sometimes, when I need her most, I still feel her arms around me. -- STILL MISSING GRANDMA IN N.C.
DEAR STILL: You have said it well. The people we love always remain in our hearts. The memory of their love and wisdom is their most important legacy.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)