DEAR ABBY: After 30 years of marriage, my husband, "Allan," began an affair with a young woman in his office. I was devastated, and our three children and two grandchildren were all affected.
I made up my mind not to become revengeful or bitter. I realized that Allan no longer loved me or he wouldn't have left. I returned to school, got a part-time job, and did the best I could to keep things smooth for my youngest daughter, who still lived at home.
I am now working full time and loving it. I have met some nice men at church, but I now have serious trust issues, so I prefer to go it alone.
The children's relationship with Allan is still strained. He now has Alzheimer's and needs them, but they cannot forgive him for destroying our family.
Abby, do people who have affairs with married men or women ever consider the pain that is left in their wake? -- STILL RECOVERING IN HOUSTON
DEAR STILL RECOVERING: Rarely. I think it's safe to say that there's a distinct lack of empathy. They justify or rationalize their behavior by convincing themselves that the injured party somehow deserves the pain.