To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
TOO MANY TVs SPOIL THE MEAL FOR ANNOYED RESTAURANT PATRON
DEAR ABBY: What do you think of restaurants that have televisions in every room while you're trying to eat dinner with your family? They make me crazy! I can't stand them.
I consider dinnertime to be a special opportunity for family members to share a nutritious meal while conversing about the events of everyone's day. We don't answer the phone or the doorbell, nor do we watch TV, so that we can concentrate on hearing about school and work. Because during the rest of the day family members eat at different times and rush about, dinnertime is sacred.
Occasionally we dine out at different restaurants so that I can have a break from cooking and doing dishes. Lately they all seem to have TVs in every room, and instead of talking, everyone stares at the TV like hypnotized zombies.
If a baseball or football game is on, everything else is ignored. This defeats the purpose of having dinner out together.
Can anything be done to get the TVs removed from the dining areas in restaurants? Shouldn't there be a choice as to whether you eat in a room with a television or not? Restaurants used to have small TV sets in the bar area, but not in the dining room.
I hate to give up eating out, but I'm about ready to. Any other suggestions? -- TV-LESS MOM, SOUTH MIAMI, FLA.
DEAR MOM: You have my sympathy, but the restaurants are only obeying the laws of supply and demand. They are providing televised access to the games because their customers are demanding it. If the restaurateurs refuse, they risk losing business because their customers will watch the event elsewhere.
I agree that the "traditional" family dinner is important. Not only does it draw families closer, it also fosters communications skills. Sadly, however, I have heard from educators who tell me that fewer families are continuing the tradition -- and more and more children eat their meals glued to the television set. Of course, people who are distracted tend to overeat -- so not only does the net effect show up in a shrinkage of conversational skills, but there is a corresponding expansion of waistlines as well.
Some possible solutions to your problem: Make sure to avoid going to sports bars. Before making dinner reservations, do some reconnoitering. Scout around and see for yourself if there are any restaurants in your neighborhood that have TV-free dining rooms. There are probably some in every price range.
DEAR ABBY: I'm concerned about a friend I'll call Edith. Despite the fact that her husband died several years ago, she continues to wear her engagement and wedding rings. Is that in poor taste or what?
When I pointed this out to Edith, she simply said it was her business. What do you say, Abby? -- EDITH'S FRIEND IN DES MOINES
DEAR FRIEND: I agree with Edith. A widow may wear her wedding rings as long as she wishes. When she is ready to date again, the rings can be switched to her right hand, incorporated into another piece of jewelry, or simply put away.
P.S. If you are really Edith's friend, why are you labeling and criticizing her? She is hurting no one.
Flashing Game Goes Too Far When Boys Start Playing Rough
DEAR ABBY: I am 15 and I have two questions.
I was shopping with my friend "Crystal," and we saw some guys we know. They're a year or two younger, so I thought they were just being stupid kids when they not-so-subtly tried to get me to flash them.
I'm ashamed to say I played along and lifted my top a little and unintentionally gave them a glimpse of my bra. They kept pestering me for more. It was just annoying until one of them reached for my top and tried to pull it down twice. Then one of them said to grab my arms and hold me down, which two of them did, while another one held Crystal back. They nearly succeeded in removing my top and bra, and more than one of them got a hand down my bra.
Was I at fault for this incident because I encouraged them? Am I making a mountain out of a molehill, or is this kind of thing no big deal? -- HUMILIATED IN SAN BERNARDINO, CALIF.
DEAR HUMILIATED: The answers to your questions are yes and no. Children who play with fire run the risk of being seriously burned. And girls who engage in sexual teasing run a similar risk. That's the lesson you should have learned from this embarrassing and, I'm sure, frightening incident. When you lifted your top, you sent a signal to the boys that you were willing to "play" -- and things got out of hand.
However, whether or not it was intended as horseplay, the boys went too far. Because of that, you should inform your mother and/or dad so they can discuss it with the parents of the boys involved. An authority figure -- preferably a parent -- needs to talk to those boys about the definition of sexual assault and battery, because that's what occurred. Unless they are warned, it will happen again. And next time, the police could be involved.
DEAR ABBY: Every year you discuss practical gifts for senior citizens. When my late second cousin, "Pat," turned 94, she was having serious problems with her vision. She loved corresponding with friends, but could no longer write in a straight line, so her envelopes could not be read correctly by the post office.
I asked a friend if she would create some stationery that my cousin could use; she removed the thread from her sewing machine, and on the back of each sheet of paper "stitched" parallel lines about 1/2 inch apart. I asked her to do the same with the envelopes, but to make only four lines where the address would go.
Cousin Pat loved her beautiful -- and useful -- stationery. Her friends were able to read her handwriting, and so could the U.S. Postal Service. It's easy to write in a straight line when your fingers can feel the tiny "bumps" that the needle makes.
I'm a retired former Braille teacher, and machine-stitching is one of the techniques I would use to make geometry drawings for blind students. (I wonder if banks would permit this on personal checks?)
I hope this idea will help more people with fading eyesight to keep in touch. -- NORMA L. SCHECTER, HUNTINGTON BEACH, CALIF.
DEAR NORMA: Your idea is innovative, inexpensive and terrific. I hope that readers who use it will be sure to include stamps with the stationery.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: I saw the letter you printed from the 79-year-old woman who was concerned about going to her class reunion because she had been very promiscuous back in high school and had bedded about a third of the boys in her class.
When I read the letter to my husband, he looked at me and said, "Did you write that letter?"
Should I hit my husband on the head with my marble rolling pin or trash his golf clubs -- or both? -- HELEN IN TACOMA
DEAR HELEN: None of the above. But if it WERE true, I'd hide the yearbook.
DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Former Belle of the Ball," the 79-year-old lady who's reluctant to attend her 60th high school reunion.
My siblings and I were all born, reared and educated on the West Coast. One of my baby sisters was popular in high school and wouldn't think of missing a reunion. Sis was, and still is, the girl with the perfect skin, perfect body, perfect career, etc., even after two husbands and four children.
Sis related this story to me after attending her 25th high school reunion. When she made her entrance, not only was there no drum roll or trumpets to announce her arrival, no one recognized her. She later admitted that she didn't recognize any of them, either, name tags and all.
Then something interesting happened. People began approaching Sis's husband, saying, "I remember you!" He's usually socially retiring, but after people persistently ignored his protests, he settled into enjoying being identified by various people as everyone from the quarterback of the football team to the class president. One woman even pointed to a picture in the class almanac and announced, "There you are. I could never forget you!"
None of those people could possibly have known him from high school. My brother-in-law was born, raised and educated on the East Coast.
Frankly, I think that someone showing up at a 60th class reunion would be tickled to see ANYONE from the graduating class, even if he or she didn't recognize the person. I hope she followed your advice and went. -- COLLEEN IN FAIR OAKS, CALIF.
DEAR COLLEEN: So do I. As your sister's experience demonstrates, the one thing that a person attending any class reunion should never be without is a sense of humor.
DEAR ABBY: I hope you are going to give us the follow-up story of the 79-year-old woman who slept with two-thirds of the boys in her high school class and everyone knew it. Did she go to the reunion? What happened? You owe it to your readers. -- RICHARD P., WASHINGTON, D.C.
DEAR RICHARD: One of the frustrating aspects of my job is not always knowing how things turn out. If I had to make a guess, I'd say she probably went and was voted most popular girl at the reunion.
"Former Belle of the Ball" -- if you see this column, Please let us know. Your fan club is waiting.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)