DEAR ABBY: I am a 34-year-old married woman with an adorable 8-year-old stepson, "Cody," who lives with his father and me. Cody's mother, "Heather," left five years ago. Shortly after that, I met and immediately fell in love with my ready-made family.
I cannot have children of my own. Heather's mistake of leaving her husband and child became my "miracle." I was willing to do anything to make my family work. There was so much hostility between my husband and Heather that they could barely converse without it becoming a yelling match.
Now, four years later, my husband, stepson and I have a civil relationship with Heather. Although Cody lives with us, his mother has him every other weekend. (We live in the same town.) Heather and I are both active in Cody's school activities, and we share the responsibility of taking him to doctor and dentist appointments (sometimes together). We have been applauded by Cody's teachers for being so supportive of our little boy.
Recently Heather has begun confiding in me about her personal problems. She has a good job, pays no child support, so I'm not sure why she's as broke as she claims. Listening to her money woes makes me extremely uncomfortable, but I'm afraid if I say so, it could cause conflict all over again. That's the last thing I want after trying so hard to get us all to be a family unit for Cody's sake.
My friends and family say that I'm letting my husband's ex-wife manipulate me, and I'm beginning to wonder if it's true. How should I handle it, Abby? -- STEPMOM WHO WANTS WHAT'S BEST FOR HER FAMILY
DEAR STEPMOM: For the sake of your stepson, continue to allow his mother to vent. She's not asking you for money -- and if she does, suggest to her as kindly as possible that a second job and credit counseling can help.