DEAR ABBY: I am a 24-year-old, stay-at-home mom with two beautiful little girls. My youngest daughter, "Tanya," is 5 and suffers from seizures and mental problems. I feel I'm not a good mother because her condition consumes me and all I ever do is cry. I told my husband, "Steve," that I would like to look into putting Tanya in a group home, but he adamantly refuses. Steve says we will separate before that happens.
I love my husband and my child, but I feel I'm going crazy. I have no life. We've spoken to professionals; nothing they suggested is helpful. Steve's mother promised to help, but she makes excuses as to why she can't watch Tanya. I'm out of ideas. What should I do? I have to save my sanity. -- ALONE AND CONFUSED IN TEXAS
DEAR ALONE AND CONFUSED: It appears you are shouldering all the responsibility for Tanya. However, you also have your older child to consider. If you are a basket case, you will be unable to parent either child properly.
It's time to talk to Tanya's doctor about what options are available -- respite care to take some of the strain off you, or a group home for your child. Do not give in to your husband's blackmail. He can't care for her by himself, and his mother has already proven she won't step in. Please take care of yourself. By doing so, you'll be doing the right thing for both your daughters.