DEAR ABBY: All my life, I have been unbearably shy. I have few friends. My co-workers think I dislike them because I don't talk much. I do like most people and I'm tired of being lonely -- but when I try to communicate, I panic and can't think of what to say. How can I get over this? -- CLAMMED-UP IN KANSAS
DEAR CLAMMED-UP: By writing to me, you have already taken the first step in coping with your problem -- so don't be shy. You're on the right track.
I have several suggestions to offer. The first is simple. Write down, in advance, some topics to discuss with your co-workers and take the list with you. If your mind goes blank, consult the list. Believe me, you are not the only person to whom this happens.
If that isn't enough to get the ball rolling, consider that you might suffer from a social anxiety disorder. A psychologist can help you overcome it with counseling and medications. Enough people suffer from social anxiety disorders that online support groups have been formed to provide help. Members.aol.com/cybernettr/shyness.html offers information to help overcome shyness, as well as tips on job hunting, assertiveness and dating.
The Social Anxiety Group at http://anxietynetwork.com offers support and education to those with anxiety disorders. Members exchange coping skills, and there are online support meetings for people with social phobias. I'm sure you will be welcomed.