What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Protect Paycheck Dollars by Using Your Good Sense
DEAR ABBY: Every time I walk into a bank to use the ATM, I notice the trash cans are full of paycheck stubs. Don't these customers realize that in most cases their Social Security numbers are printed on those stubs along with their full names and addresses?
Please get the word out: BE CAREFUL WITH YOUR PERSONAL INFORMATION! Also, is there any reason why our full Social Security number has to be printed on our paycheck stubs? In this age of electronic transfer and identity theft, it seems another ID code could be implemented. Thank you for letting me spout off. -- REGINA IN N.Y.
DEAR REGINA: Your letter is a timely one because October has been designated "Security Month." (How sad that we need to have one.) You're absolutely right that people should be ultra-careful about paycheck stubs. They should be equally careful about canceled checks, receipts, and any other item that could be stolen and used to aid in identity theft. Many people save their paycheck stubs to give to their accountant at the end of the year or to keep track of accumulated vacation time -- so they shouldn't be discarded in haste anyway.
According to Mariana Gitomer of the Social Security office in Los Angeles, the Social Security Administration does not require Social Security numbers on paychecks. Some employers use only a portion of the numbers rather than the complete ID. Since the practice is discretionary, concerned employees should discuss with their employers whether it should be continued. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: As president and founder of the world's largest document destruction and recycling company, I know firsthand how important it is to be vigilant when it comes to the dangers of identity theft. Studies show that this crime affects more than a million victims each year -- making it one of the fastest-growing crimes in North America.
Identity theft occurs when criminals steal your personal information and use it for fraudulent purposes, frequently costing victims thousands of dollars. Most often this happens when people throw away their personal papers such as bills, credit card statements and preapproved credit card offers.
Some steps you can take to protect your confidential information:
(1) Check your credit reports once a year to make sure there are no discrepancies.
(2) Guard your Social Security number and don't carry your Social Security card with you unless absolutely necessary.
(3) Always destroy papers containing personal information prior to throwing them out (a cross-cut shredder is best).
(4) Never give your information to telephone solicitors, unless you have called them yourself.
(5) Consider using a locked mailbox to receive all mail.
(6) If you have Internet access on your computer, always install a firewall.
(7) Businesses should talk to their employees about the importance of confidentiality and establish clear guidelines on workplace security. -- GREG BROPHY, PRESIDENT, SHRED-IT INTERNATIONAL INC.
DEAR GREG: Thank you for pointing out that preventing identity theft is simply a matter of being cautious, proactive and always vigilant with one's private information. Readers, heed his warning NOW. Remember: Better safe than sorry!
DEAR ABBY: I am 10 years old and live with my mom, my sister and brother in Texas. My grandparents and my aunt live nearby, and they come over a lot. They are always telling me how important it is to visit my dad and his family in Chicago and to have a good relationship with them.
Abby, I spend six weeks with my dad every summer -- and I don't want to go there any more. Dad never keeps his promises to me, and he is always threatening me with "the belt." I am afraid of him. My Chicago grandparents tell me they love me more than my Texas grandparents, but they don't call me very often, and I hate that they say bad things about my mom.
How can I get out of visiting my dad next summer? -- SICK OF VISITING MY DAD
DEAR SICK OF VISITING: If you haven't already done so, tell your mother how you feel and why. Your mother should speak to your father and explain that his form of discipline is not only not working, but it's driving you away and is emotionally abusive. She should also speak to the lawyer who represented her in the divorce about the visitation arrangement. Perhaps your visit should be supervised. Please show your mother this letter.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 22-year-old college senior. My live-in fiance, "Ray," is 31 and divorced. We have an infant son together. His three children, all under 12, are with us every other weekend.
When I entered this relationship, I had no concept of the tremendous responsibilities I would be taking on. Besides a full-time class schedule, I take care of our baby, cook every meal and clean the house. I also look after Ray's kids when they're here.
Because of our age difference, I sometimes feel that my values and goals conflict with Ray's. I want to focus on my career, but Ray feels my household duties should come first. I do not want to be the only one shouldering the burden. I want to have a professional life after I graduate. Ray does not make me feel appreciated, and I need advice about what to do about it. -- OVERLOADED AND UNDERVALUED IN PITTSBURGH
DEAR OVER/UNDER: You and Ray appear to have different priorities. You want a career; he wants a housekeeper and baby sitter for his children. Ideally, your fiance should be helping you to achieve your goals. If you cannot fully express your feelings to him and arrive at a compromise, it may be time to re-evaluate your feelings about this entire relationship before it goes any further.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are discussing divorce after only eight months of marriage. Neither of us is happy, and I guess we weren't as ready as we thought we were. I feel terrible about the $20,000 my parents spent on our wedding, not to mention all the beautiful and expensive gifts we received from family and friends.
Should we pay my parents back the money? What should we do about the gifts? Please help us do the right thing. -- NOT HAPPILY EVER AFTER IN TEXAS
DEAR NOT HAPPILY: I commend you for wanting to do the right thing. Any gifts that have not been used should be offered to the people who gave them. Cash gifts that have not been spent should be returned. Offer to repay your parents for the wedding expenses, but it should not be necessary. The wedding was their gift to you.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Obituary Will Be Accurate if You Write It Yourself
DEAR ABBY: I read with interest the letter from the man who wondered if it was all right to write his own obituary. As an editor who has written obituaries for several community newspapers for more than 20 years, I can say that obituaries are causing more and more headaches in newsrooms. They are a potential can of worms.
Not long ago, a man in our small town died. His young widow brought in his obituary, naming herself and their children as his survivors. After confirming with the funeral home that the man had indeed died, we printed the obituary as she presented it.
Within hours, a woman came storming into the office. It was the deceased's former wife. She still lived in our town, and she was furious that her children -- who had been fathered by her former husband -- were not mentioned in the obituary written by the second wife.
Editors everywhere will bless you, Abby, if you remind the public of this: If you want to have control over what's printed in the newspaper, you have to buy an ad. I think the more control a person has over his or her obituary, the better. -- MS. M. IN NORTHERN CALIF.
DEAR MS. M: I concur. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: In 1982, at the age of 53, I not only wrote my own obituary, but also had it published in the local newspaper. I did it because I wanted people to remember what I wanted them to remember about me, rather than leaving that decision to someone else.
That same year, I also prepared my memorial service, which I have updated several times. I plan to hold it during my 80th year -- I am now 73 -- and I plan to attend. I am inviting my enemies, for whom I will include Gene Watson's song, "Farewell Party," which includes the line, "I know you'll be glad when I've gone."
I am a published author, and at present I have originated more than 400 sayings. No, I won't read all of them at my memorial.
Following my actual death, I have requested that my ashes be scattered over Olivia Newton's ranch. For 30 years, I have attempted to have my picture taken with her, but so far, I have failed. It's good to have a goal. -- WAYNE K., PUYALLUP, WASH.
DEAR WAYNE: I agree that it's good to have a goal, but you shouldn't have to make an "ash" of yourself in order to achieve it. Assuming that Ms. Newton-John knows nothing about your goal, clip this column and send it to her fan club. Maybe she'll "honestly love it."
DEAR ABBY: I wrote both my and my husband's obituaries a long time ago. I did it because my last job was dealing with death certificates, and I know from experience that when a death occurs and emotions run high, important information can inadvertently be omitted.
I have even filled out blank death certificates with all the necessary information except, of course, the date of death and cause. Our funerals have also been pre-arranged and paid for.
In case you haven't guessed, I was a Girl Scout when I was a kid -- and I guess I took to heart their motto, "Be Prepared." -- WE DO HAVE THE LAST WORD, SPRINGFIELD, OHIO
DEAR "WE DO": And bless you for it. You have taken all of the guesswork out of a wrenching task that otherwise your survivors would have faced. I'm sure they will thank you for it in their prayers when the time comes.
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)
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