For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
FAMILY WORRIES ABOUT DIVORCED WOMAN LIVING HAPPILY ALONE
DEAR ABBY: I am 32 years old and have been divorced for about three years. My five-year marriage was a disaster. When my husband wasn't cheating, he was putting me down, telling me how fat and stupid I was, and that nobody liked me.
My life is 100 percent better now. I moved away and found a good job, and am once again at peace with myself. At the end of each workday, I enjoy going home, watching TV, turning in early -- then getting up for work in the morning and doing it all over again. The problem is that my family is worried about me.
On weekends, I go home on Friday night and don't leave my apartment until Monday morning. I am content with my routine, but my family disapproves. I don't usually worry about what others think, but I know they love me and are genuinely concerned. What do you think, Abby? -- PEACEFUL IN ARIZONA
DEAR PEACEFUL: That your family may have a point. There's an old saying, "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy," and it also applies to men and women.
Before you completely cloister yourself in your routine, please make absolutely certain that you are not confusing an absence of pain and abuse with happiness. It is important to have a balance in life, and by that I mean there's far more satisfaction to be found than just work and television.
A step in the right direction would be to sign up for a lecture series, or volunteer one or two days a month at a hospital, library or shelter.
DEAR ABBY: We have a close family friend of nearly 40 years. I'll call her Becky. She is nearly 80 years old and has no living relatives. Becky considers us her "family," and the feeling is mutual.
The problem we've run into is that Becky still lives by herself and continues to drive -- which she shouldn't be doing. She has had 10 wrecks that we know of in the past seven years. The most recent one totaled her car, and she promptly bought a new one. Becky has bad hips and legs, which has reduced her ability to walk or climb stairs. Also, last month there was a knock at her door late one night and she opened it without first looking through the peephole. Becky was robbed at gunpoint.
We have spoken with her several times over the past few years about moving into an assisted-living facility. However, Becky is one stubborn lady and doesn't think "those places" are for her. We disagree.
Becky depends on our family for everything, as though we are blood relatives. Since we're not, we cannot legally do anything to improve her situation. I speak for everyone in my family when I say we fear if Becky continues on the path she's on, she will not live much longer. Is there any advice you can offer on this sad situation, Abby? -- AFRAID FOR OUR FAMILY FRIEND IN DALLAS
DEAR AFRAID: Only this. Although Becky seems to have financial resources, she appears to be slowing down mentally as well as physically. Her physician should be made aware of her condition, because it's possible she should be supervised by a geriatric specialist or social worker. She appears to be a very vulnerable senior.
Rewards of Reading Outweigh Late Fees for Overdue Books
DEAR ABBY: Thank you on behalf of librarians everywhere for your commonsense reply to the question of who should pay for the overdue library book the 7-year-old granddaughter lost.
I know what a thrill it is for children to check out books from their local libraries, but when those children forget where they placed them, forget the due dates or lose those books forever, it can be a problem for everyone.
Parents and grandparents should keep track of all books checked out on the family library cards, because the fines accumulate in a hurry. Arguing over who is responsible can send the claim to collections, with added fines.
Those who grumble about fines on their cards should remember how much it would cost if they had to buy every book they wanted to read instead of borrowing them from the public library. -- DENISE VILANDRE, HURON, S.D.
DEAR DENISE: Indeed. Even with library discounts, the cost of restocking our libraries is considerable. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: On Dec. 7, 1968, a man named Richard Dodd returned an overdue library book to the University of Cincinnati. His great-grandfather had checked out the volume in 1823.
Although he did not have to pay the fine, the library computed the fine -- and it would have totaled $22,646. -- FRANK IN LONG BEACH, CALIF.
DEAR FRANK: In another 145 years it could have added up to some REAL money! Read on:
DEAR ABBY: That grandmother should have used this experience as a "fun" and instructive opportunity to show her grandchild the due date, mark it on the calendar and return the book together -- BEFORE it was overdue. It would have provided a valuable lesson to the child, based on positive role modeling. -- ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEACHER, FORT WALTON BEACH, FLA.
DEAR TEACHER: You're right. Children learn by example.
DEAR ABBY: Thank you for putting in a good word for libraries, and for exposing children to them.
During World War II, my first library was a very small room on the upper floor of the old Grange Hall in the little village of Savona, N.Y. Since it was close to my home, I was allowed to go there alone and choose my own books, even before I went to school. My family would read the stories to me.
Those trips to the library were magical. I bless the people who established that small library. Parents, please love your children enough to take them to your local library, and read to them! -- HELEN I. FRANCIS, SILVER CITY, N.M.
DEAR HELEN: You have made a good point. It reminds me of a stanza from a wonderful poem, "The Reading Mother," by Strickland Gillilan, that has appeared in this column a number of times:
"You may have tangible wealth untold,
"Caskets of jewels and coffers of gold.
"Richer than I you can never be --
"I had a mother who read to me."
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Workers Keep on Truckin' to Lift Spirits of Ailing Boy
DEAR ABBY: I have been an avid reader for many years, and appreciate the stories you print about acts of kindness.
My 4-year-old nephew, Jacob, is a dwarf. He is a sweet, kind child and has a great personality. He is also very well-adjusted. This past year was especially difficult for Jacob because he needed a shunt installed in his head last spring. In October, he ended up in the University of Chicago Children's Hospital for a month with numerous complications that required tests, procedures and emergency surgeries.
My nephew was fortunate to have his family, friends, neighbors and teachers spend time with him in the hospital. But what made this little boy the happiest was what the city's refuse collectors did after they missed seeing him on their weekly neighborhood rounds. When they were told about Jacob's hospitalization, they surprised him by showing up at the hospital with Matchbox garbage truck toys. Thank you, Homewood Disposal Systems in Homewood, Ill., for employing kind, compassionate workers who value their customers.
All is well in my nephew's world. Thank you for letting me share our joy, Abby. -- HAPPY IN HOMEWOOD
DEAR HAPPY: What an uplifting letter to receive as we begin 2003! It appears Homewood is a community that embraces even its youngest citizens, and demonstrates the good neighbor policy in daily living. It's a lesson we can all take to heart.
And now, because no New Year's Day would be complete without Dear Abby's oft-requested New Year's resolutions, I offer these, based on the original credo of Al-Anon -- with a few variations of my own:
JUST FOR TODAY, I will live through this day only. I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow. I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all my problems at once. I know that I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will be happy. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. If my mind fills with clouds, I will chase them away and fill it with sunshine.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will accept what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things I can correct, and accept those I cannot.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will improve my mind. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration. I will not be a mental loafer.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable. I will be kind and courteous to those who cross my path, and I will not speak ill of others. I'll improve my appearance, speak softly, and not interrupt when someone else is talking. Just for today, I'll refrain from improving anybody except myself.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will do something positive to improve my health. If I'm a smoker, I'll quit. If I'm overweight, I'll eat healthily -- if only for today. And just for today, I'll get off the couch and take a brisk walk, even if it's only around the block.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will gather the courage to do what is right and take responsibility for my own actions.
To one and all, a happy, healthy New Year!
Love, ABBY
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)