To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
DEAR ABBY: I cheated on my husband "Greg" for nearly a year. My job involves a lot of traveling, so it wasn't difficult to pull off my double life. I finally realized how bad I felt about myself because of the cheating and decided to rededicate myself to Greg. Since he had no clue about the affair, I wasn't going to tell him.
At the time I ended the affair, my lover's wife found out and told my husband. I begged for forgiveness and implored Greg to give me another chance. We had been happily married for a decade before the affair. I know it's no excuse, but I cheated only because it seemed exciting.
When Greg learned about the affair and understood how sorry I was, he seemed willing to work it through. Then, all of a sudden, he became depressed and moved out. He said he "couldn't do it anymore" -- he couldn't respect me, couldn't love me, and couldn't get certain images out of his head.
Greg now lives out of state. I call him almost every day and apologize and beg him to come back, but he's cold as ice.
Please don't suggest counseling, Abby. Nothing in this world would persuade him to go. I'm counting on you for some magic words of advice. Sign me ... WOKE UP TOO LATE IN LITTLE ROCK
DEAR WOKE UP TOO LATE: I'm sorry, but there are no magic words that can turn back the clock. The only magic I can see is that in your hunger for excitement, you made your marriage disappear in a puff of smoke. I hope your sad story serves as a cautionary example to others who are contemplating an affair. There is no such thing as free love. What you're paying now is the "amusement" tax.
DEAR ABBY: I'm a 14-year-old girl with an embarrassing problem: I still suck my thumb. It has caused many arguments between my parents and me.
They paid a lot of money for my braces and retainer, and I'm on the verge of ruining my teeth. I have tried to stop by wearing a mitten, putting gross flavors on my thumb, etc., to no avail. Can you help me? -- STILL A BABY IN THE SOUTH
DEAR BABY: Try this; it's a form of behavior modification. Place a rubber band loosely around your wrist. When the urge to suck your thumb strikes, snap the rubber band hard enough to remind you to resist the habit. Soon you will associate the "sting" with the urge to suck your thumb, and because of the discomfort, you'll reject the urge.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I went to a restaurant where you have the option of ordering something off the menu or selecting from the buffet.
I say he should have waited to fill his plate until my food arrived. He insists it was OK to go ahead and start eating from the buffet while I sat there waiting for my food. Who's right? -- MIFFED IN IRVING, TEXAS
DEAR MIFFED: You are. For your husband to have filled a plate and begun eating while you sat waiting for your menu order was inconsiderate. (The least he could have done was to offer you a morsel.)
Clip this column and let him chew on that.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are in our mid-40s and reside in a mobile home community. Most of our neighbors are seniors, and we live a quiet life. I have fibromyalgia, which limits my activities.
Our 73-year-old next-door neighbor, "Pearl," is driving me nuts. She's constantly finding things for me to do for her.
I used to help Pearl when she asked, or take her to the store -- but no more. She's a loudmouth who has embarrassed me in public. I used to take her to doctor appointments -- no more. She's addicted to prescription drugs and has stolen from me. Three doctors in six months dropped her. I've learned not to mention medications I'm taking or she'll hit me up for some.
Pearl talks horribly about our neighbors. She also lies. But the icing on the cake came when she bad-mouthed my own mother to my face.
Abby, my life is no longer my own. I can't go outside without Pearl hollering at me to come over. I used to have a special place in my garden where I could sit peacefully and write in my journal, but I haven't been out there in weeks because of her.
I've spoken to Pearl's daughter, but she says to "just ignore her." I'm at my wit's end. What should I do? -- TAMMY IN OHIO
DEAR TAMMY: Talk to her daughter again. Pearl's problems are so numerous they cannot be ignored. She needs a medical and psychological evaluation. Assure the daughter that she is not alone with this problem -- there are programs in place for seniors that can be accessed by contacting one's local office on aging. Please don't wait.
DEAR ABBY: I'm employed as a legal assistant in a law office with two other people: my boss, "Jerry," and my co-worker, "Evelyn." Before reading further, please understand they are not having an affair.
My problem is that Jerry shows extreme favoritism to Evelyn. Some examples:
(1) Jerry threw an elaborate party for Evelyn on her birthday and did nothing for mine, even though he was aware of the date.
(2) He purchased an "employee incentive" package from an airline to reward "deserving employees" with air miles. Within six months, he awarded all of them to Evelyn.
(3) He ordered business cards for my co-worker and none for me, even though we are both his assistants with the same title.
(4) I suspect Jerry gives bonuses to Evelyn and not to me -- that are based upon the "good work" that both she and I do for the firm.
(5) He's flying Evelyn and her boyfriend first-class to Cancun to attend a seminar with him.
(6) Evelyn and I both exceeded our allotted vacation time last year. Jerry made me pay back the extra vacation days I took, but didn't make the same request of her.
I realize that Evelyn has been a legal assistant for many more years than I have. However, it's obvious that our boss out-and-out favors her. What should I do about it, Abby? -- TREATED UNFAIRLY IN DENTON, TEXAS
DEAR TREATED UNFAIRLY: Take the hint and start looking for a job elsewhere. You are in a no-win situation.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Friends and Family Flee When Husband Shares His Feelings
DEAR ABBY: I am writing this for those female readers who wish the men in their lives would share their feelings with them. What I have to say to them is this: COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS!
My husband shares all his feelings and thoughts (mostly negative ones) with me all the time. Every night I am forced to sit for hours listening to him verbalize his thoughts and feelings. He has no time to do yard work or household repairs because he's either too busy thinking and feeling or verbalizing his endless criticisms.
He does hold down a steady (sedentary) job, and some of the ways he gets in touch with his feelings -- through music and poetry -- are positive. However, when I was in a car accident last year and should have been resting and recuperating, my husband "didn't have time" to help with housework because his piano had to be played and his novels had to be read.
When we were first married, we moved to a small rural town hundreds of miles away from our friends and families. It has been hard to make friends in this closed community. Once every few years a family member or friend is willing to come and visit us, but my husband almost always finds a way to alienate our visitors. He will start arguments, tell them what he didn't like about the Christmas presents they gave us, complain about how much money we spend on food while they're at our house, etc.
I'm afraid that soon I'm going to have no one left. I've talked to my husband about this several times, but he doesn't see it as a problem. Help! -- TALKED TO DEATH IN MINNESOTA
DEAR TALKED TO DEATH: I am all for sharing thoughts and feelings, but the person you have described is one who is self-obsessed, verbally abusive, and thinks no one's feelings are as important as his own.
By "sharing his thoughts and feelings," your husband is chipping away at your self-esteem and isolating you from friends and family. It's important that you give this some thought and not allow yourself to be his scapegoat. Also, I hope you have a job outside the home, because it may be your only way to have meaningful contact with others.
DEAR ABBY: I bought my wedding dress two months ago. I showed a picture of it to my sister-in-law who is being married a few weeks before me. Yesterday she went out and purchased the exact same dress. Although she is having a small wedding, my fiance and I are still very upset. She and her fiance insist we are being selfish and inconsiderate of their feelings. Do you think we are wrong to be angry? -- P.O. IN N.J.
DEAR P.O.: No, I do not. You are entitled to your feelings. That said, there is still time for you to return to the shop where you purchased your bridal gown and discuss how to individualize your attire for the wedding. (Consider a different headpiece and veil, adding or deleting gloves or other accessories, adding or subtracting a train.)
And remember, although imitation may be irritating, it's also the sincerest form of flattery. Your sister-in-law is "family," so pleased don't let this cause a permanent rift. And in the future, don't show her any more pictures.
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)
to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)