To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
High Priced Hairdresser Gets Cut From Woman's Budget
DEAR ABBY: I have a terrific hairdresser I'll call "Jordy." He owns the salon I have patronized for more than 20 years. His work is outstanding, and I always get compliments about my hair. However, because of his latest price increases and my being on a fixed income, I can no longer afford his services.
In years past, the price would increase a couple of dollars. But this year, Jordy increased it 10 percent. I make appointments six months in advance because it's easier to plan around a set appointment than vice versa.
My dilemma: How should I go about canceling my four appointments? Should I write Jordy a letter? What should I say? We have become quite good friends over the years, and I hate to leave, but my limited income can be stretched only so far. -- HAIR-RAISED IN KENTUCKY
DEAR HAIR-RAISED: In light of your long-standing relationship, you should tell Jordy exactly what you have told me. If that is too embarrassing, write him a letter. Tell him that although you are very fond of him, because you are now on a fixed income, with the latest price hike you can no longer afford to be his client. Consider asking him to recommend a less expensive shop and a hairdresser who can keep you as well-coiffed as ever.
It's possible that Jordy's expenses have increased dramatically, or he may have become so popular he's reducing his client list. Whatever the reason, his response will help you get to the "root" of his price increase.
P.S. He may offer you a reduced rate, given your long association.
DEAR ABBY: Five years ago, my family and I attended a friend's party. I'll call her "Vanetta." My son, "Paul," was a young teenager. We didn't know at the time that he had fallen in with a bad crowd and was using drugs. The day after the party, Vanetta called and said a portable radio had been stolen from her home and implied that it was taken by one of the kids who had attended. I questioned Paul; he denied knowing anything about it.
My son is now a young adult and, thankfully, has stopped using drugs. He recently admitted to me that he and another teenage boy had stolen the radio and sold it. In spite of this, I know Paul is a good person who has made some bad choices. I asked him if he would go to Vanetta, confess and reimburse her for it. He said he was too "embarrassed."
Abby, Vanetta tends to be judgmental and would most likely respond to Paul in a condemning way. I'm not defending my son's behavior, but Vanetta has never had children and does not understand the peer pressures young people face today.
Should I encourage Paul to go to Vanetta and make amends, or let it stay in the past and be forgotten? -- ANONYMOUS MOM IN A SMALL TOWN
DEAR ANONYMOUS MOM: Encourage your son to speak to Vanetta and, with cash in hand, explain to her that he was young, was stupidly experimenting with drugs, is profoundly sorry for what he did, and hopes that she will understand and accept his apology.
Let's hope Vanetta will find it in her heart to forgive him, but even if she doesn't, your son's conscience will be clear, and he can put this sad chapter in his life behind him.
DEAR ABBY: Last year I opened my own business. It's a small clothing store for men and women. My problem is I am unable to get through to my family that they cannot visit me there all the time. I love them dearly, but my shop is a place of business -- not a second home for them.
My husband is unemployed. He is constantly at the store. He'll sit on a chair near the entrance, holding his cane. Sometimes he falls asleep and starts slipping off his chair. He's the first thing customers see when they walk in. It is very unprofessional.
My daughter drops in daily with her two young children. She brings their lunch, which she sets up on the counter next to the cash register. In no time the kids are running around the store making a mess and throwing merchandise off the shelves onto the floor. My daughter yells at them and then an argument ensures. Time after time, it ends up with me snapping at them to go home, my daughter becoming upset and the kids bursting into tears. Customers sometimes turn around and walk out when they see the commotion. I have lost sales because of this, and I can't afford for it to continue.
How can I make it clear to my family that they can't make themselves at home at my store? I feel like a broken record. -- EXASPERATED SHOP OWNER IN PHOENIX
DEAR SHOP OWNER: Since your husband and daughter do not seem to get the message that they cannot just "drop in," you must be more assertive and draw the line for them. Get some books on retail merchandising and customer relations and SHOW them that what they are doing is hurting your business. If they persist, stop them at the door and say, "It's nice to see you, but you cannot stay. Love you all -- and I'll see you later."
Please be firm -- your economic situation depends on it.
DEAR ABBY: I am a married Jewish woman just shy of 30. For the past year I've been searching for a better job. Without fail at almost every interview, I'm asked some outrageously illegal questions:
"Are you married? How long have you been married? Do you have children? Are you planning on getting pregnant? Exactly when are you planning to start a family? Will you want to stay home when your children are young? What's your biggest health concern? How religious are you? Are you willing to work Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur?" (the most religious days on the Jewish calendar).
Abby, what's the best way to avoid answering these questions? The next time it happens, can I press charges? Thanks for your help. -- ETERNAL JOB CANDIDATE
DEAR JOB CANDIDATE: Simply smile and say: "I want you to know that I am sincerely interested in this job, but the questions you are asking are illegal. I'm telling you this because I'm sure you're interviewing other applicants, and I wouldn't want you to get in trouble with the EEOC (Equal Employment Opportunity Commission)."
If the questioning persists, the EEOC should be notified because the questions are discriminatory.
QUOTE FOR THE DAY: Abraham Lincoln said: "If you once forfeit the confidence of your fellow citizens, you can never regain their respect and esteem. It is true that you may fool all of the people some of the time; you can even fool some of the people all of the time; but you can't fool all of the people all of the time." (Submitted by Andrew W. Hanley)
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
DEAR ABBY: After three years of marriage, my husband, "Jeff," and I decided to have a child. I became pregnant immediately.
What I thought would make us both happy and bring us closer actually did the opposite. I had a miserable pregnancy and felt abandoned. Jeff grew emotionally distant and stopped communicating almost completely except for our constant battles.
Our son is now 16 months old and the apple of my eye. Jeff has a new job with a good future. We bought a house and live in a great neighborhood, but he is still distant and picks fights constantly. He agrees counseling might help, but refuses to go. I have tried to improve our relationship, including private counseling, but it's not working.
Jeff is a great father but a lousy husband. We both changed with my pregnancy -- he went from a helpful, happy husband to a miserable, frustrated man. Divorce is expensive -- financially and emotionally -- and a battle will most likely ensue over our son. Where can I go from here? -- UNHAPPY IN NORTH CAROLINA
DEAR UNHAPPY: With no input from your husband about what is wrong, it's difficult to say. However, one line in your letter, "What I thought would make us both happy actually did the opposite," makes me wonder if your husband felt trapped by the pregnancy -- and his subsequent behavior is the result of feeling pushed into fatherhood he didn't feel ready for.
Where you go from here depends upon how much longer you're prepared to tolerate your living situation. One thing is certain, nothing will change until you BOTH have laid your cards on the table. If your husband refuses to go to counseling, perhaps your next step should be to consult a lawyer about what your options are. There are worse things than divorce. A contentious marriage like yours is one of them.
DEAR ABBY: I am an 11th-grade girl. Our student handbook states that "public display of affection is discouraged at school and could result in disciplinary action." If this is true, shouldn't a student also get in trouble for sexual harassment?
A guy in one of my classes has been touching, grabbing and pinching me. I told some of my girlfriends, and two of them said he does the same thing to them. We hadn't wanted to tell each other, but now we're glad we did.
We went to the assistant principal's office with our complaint. He gave the boy one day of detention. After that, things got worse. The creep is still picking on us, and our school isn't doing anything to make him stop.
What do we do now, Abby? Were we wrong to tell? If not, how come nobody is doing anything to protect us? School is supposed to be a safe place, right? Please help us. -- THREE GIRLS FROM ZANESVILLE, OHIO
DEAR GIRLS: Document each instance -- date, time and place -- in order to establish a record. Tell your parents what's going on. It's time for your parents to discuss this matter with the school principal. If that does not stop the harassment, take it up with the board of education. They need to know what's going on before it's necessary to take legal action.
Readers, here is a gem. It was submitted by Tom Berilla of Silver Spring, Md.:
DEAR ABBY: My daughter, Claire, told my 3-year-old granddaughter, Hanna, "We plan to remodel the kitchen and dining room, and move the walls from 'here to there.'" Trying to include her little girl in the project, she asked, "And what would Hanna like?" Hanna's reply: "Take away the time-out corner!"
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)