To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Workers Keep on Truckin' to Lift Spirits of Ailing Boy
DEAR ABBY: I have been an avid reader for many years, and appreciate the stories you print about acts of kindness.
My 4-year-old nephew, Jacob, is a dwarf. He is a sweet, kind child and has a great personality. He is also very well-adjusted. This past year was especially difficult for Jacob because he needed a shunt installed in his head last spring. In October, he ended up in the University of Chicago Children's Hospital for a month with numerous complications that required tests, procedures and emergency surgeries.
My nephew was fortunate to have his family, friends, neighbors and teachers spend time with him in the hospital. But what made this little boy the happiest was what the city's refuse collectors did after they missed seeing him on their weekly neighborhood rounds. When they were told about Jacob's hospitalization, they surprised him by showing up at the hospital with Matchbox garbage truck toys. Thank you, Homewood Disposal Systems in Homewood, Ill., for employing kind, compassionate workers who value their customers.
All is well in my nephew's world. Thank you for letting me share our joy, Abby. -- HAPPY IN HOMEWOOD
DEAR HAPPY: What an uplifting letter to receive as we begin 2003! It appears Homewood is a community that embraces even its youngest citizens, and demonstrates the good neighbor policy in daily living. It's a lesson we can all take to heart.
And now, because no New Year's Day would be complete without Dear Abby's oft-requested New Year's resolutions, I offer these, based on the original credo of Al-Anon -- with a few variations of my own:
JUST FOR TODAY, I will live through this day only. I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow. I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all my problems at once. I know that I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will be happy. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. If my mind fills with clouds, I will chase them away and fill it with sunshine.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will accept what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things I can correct, and accept those I cannot.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will improve my mind. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration. I will not be a mental loafer.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable. I will be kind and courteous to those who cross my path, and I will not speak ill of others. I'll improve my appearance, speak softly, and not interrupt when someone else is talking. Just for today, I'll refrain from improving anybody except myself.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will do something positive to improve my health. If I'm a smoker, I'll quit. If I'm overweight, I'll eat healthily -- if only for today. And just for today, I'll get off the couch and take a brisk walk, even if it's only around the block.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will gather the courage to do what is right and take responsibility for my own actions.
To one and all, a happy, healthy New Year!
Love, ABBY
DEAR ABBY: Re the letter about wearing black at weddings: I am a professional pianist/organist who has played for numerous weddings.
Last winter, I was asked to play for a large wedding. I chose a black dress with a fancy sequined jacket. Before the wedding, I dropped by to visit my 90-year-old mother, who questioned my black dress. I assured her that black was now appropriate.
My house was on the way to the church, and taking my mother's comments into consideration, I decided to change into a rose-colored dress. When I walked into the church, you guessed it -- I was greeted by a sea of black. The groomsmen all wore black tuxes, the bridesmaids had long black dresses, and even the singers I was to accompany were dressed in black.
For a moment, I wanted to dash back home and change again, but I didn't. I just smiled at the irony. -- CHARLOTTE IN LAS CRUCES, N.M.
DEAR CHARLOTTE: I hadn't realized that so many women now wear black to weddings that the few who don't have become "standouts." Read on:
DEAR ABBY: In response to the woman whose mother thought wearing black to a wedding was taboo: That mom has obviously never been to a New York wedding, where wearing black is practically a requirement. My husband's family lives there, and at a recent wedding with more than 100 guests, I was one of only six women NOT wearing black. (Two of my three sisters-in-law had their bridesmaids wear black.) -- COLORFUL IN NEW ENGLAND
DEAR COLORFUL: Interesting. However, let's be clear to all my readers. Nowhere is it written that black MUST be worn to a wedding -- unless the bride requests it.
DEAR ABBY: While wearing black may, indeed, be considered "classy" and "tasteful" by many women today, I personally find the trend depressing.
The last wedding I attended, only about five of us wore something other than black. When I looked out at the couples on the dance floor, it reminded me of television clips I had seen of the crowds in the Middle East. I have told my friends repeatedly, "We are not nuns, we are not Amish and we are not oppressed women! We have the freedom to wear and enjoy beautiful, joyful colors!" This is especially true at weddings, which should be happy occasions.
And by the way, to those ladies who shop so carefully to find just the right black dress -- once you enter a room full of other black dresses, you're just another grain of sand on the seashore.
Whoever believes the myth that black dresses make one look slim -- guess again. Sorry, girls, if you're fat, you're fat -- that black dress isn't fooling anyone. -- LOVES COLOR IN OHIO
DEAR LOVES COLOR: The old saying that color evokes emotion must be true, because from the tone of your letter it's clear you're seeing red. Please remember that what people wear isn't as important as how they feel in it. (It would be interesting to know what women in the Middle East would wear if their governments allowed them the choice we enjoy in this country -- may I live to see the day!)
CONFIDENTIAL TO MY READERS: Farewell to 2002 -- and what a year this has been! Let's all say a prayer for world peace, and for our stalwart members of the military who are far from their loved ones today. It takes only a moment to send greetings to our troops stationed around the globe. Simply e-mail them at www.OperationDearAbby.net and wish them a Happy New Year. And to each of you, a happy, healthy 2003.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Sibling Rivals Now Find Family Bond as Gay Adults
DEAR ABBY: My two brothers, two sisters and I are not close. Our parents did everything possible to foster sibling rivalry, and as a result, we speak only a few times a year and rarely visit.
During the last few years, however, I have discovered quite a bit in common with my younger brother, "Randy." Among other things, we are both gay.
Randy recently asked me if I thought anyone from our family would show up if he and his live-in partner, "Jeff," were to hold a commitment ceremony. (Many members of our family belong to the Reformed and Christian Reformed churches, both well-known for being unfriendly to gays.)
I am excited and happy for my brother. Would it be tacky of me to ask him if I could be his best man? He may have friends he feels closer to, who have played a bigger part in his life, and I wouldn't want to make him feel pressured to include me. Should I mention it to Jeff -- a fantastic guy, by the way -- and see what he thinks? Or should I keep quiet? -- EXCITED OVER MY BROTHER'S BIG FAT GAY WEDDING
DEAR EXCITED: If I were you, I would take no chances on a miscommunication. Tell your brother how excited and happy you are for him and his partner, and that you would love to be a part of his commitment ceremony in any capacity he and Jeff see fit. (If he already has a best man in mind, perhaps you could do a reading.) Considering the dynamics in your family, your brother should be pleased by your gesture of solidarity.
DEAR ABBY: I am an 18-year-old girl with a problem. I think I'm going crazy. For a couple of years now, I have been having strange thoughts. For instance, I believe there are people who can see me. I talk to them. (My family has overheard me talking to these "people." They can be acquaintances, famous celebrities or anyone.)
I don't hear their voices or hallucinate, but for some reason I just can't shake these "feelings." I do not use drugs of any kind. I have told my parents about this, but they tell me I need to get out more, to serve others and take my mind off it.
I have done research on mental illnesses like schizophrenia and personality disorders, but I can't identify what's wrong with me. I want to see someone about this, but my parents think it's a bad idea. I love them and I know they care about me, but when it comes to my problem, it seems like they want to ignore it and hope I'll grow out of it. Please help me. I am ... DESPERATE IN PARK CITY, UTAH
DEAR DESPERATE: You appear to be a very intelligent young woman. Although your parents might wish it, you and I both know that talking to people who aren't there and thinking they can see you is not behavior that will go away if you "get out more and serve others" to distract yourself. I urge you to contact your physician and ask for a referral to a mental health professional -- preferably a psychiatrist. You need more help than I can give you in a letter or newspaper column. Please don't wait.
ODE TO MYOPIA
My face in the mirror isn't wrinkled or drawn.
My house isn't dirty -- the cobwebs are gone.
My garden looks lovely, and so does my lawn.
I think I might NEVER put my glasses back on.
(Author unknown; submitted by Willis A. Sterner, Madison, Wis.)
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)
to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)