What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Family Gets Nervous With Brother in Driver's Seat
DEAR ABBY: My brother just turned 16 and is learning to drive. He has already run over a chipmunk, a garbage can and our fence.
Yesterday, my father asked my brother to drive home in our brand-new van. My mom and I were terrified. I started yelling, "I'm too young to die!" My mother told him to pull over because she was afraid she was going to "hurl."
Abby, what should I do the next time I have to be in a car he is driving? Help me! -- GOING BANANAS BECAUSE OF BRO
DEAR GOING BANANAS: You should never get into a vehicle with anyone -- your brother included -- unless you are certain the person is a safe driver. And your brother should not be behind the wheel unless he is accompanied by an adult who can supervise his driving.
It appears your brother still has a lot to learn -- and he may need some additional lessons from an accredited driving instructor.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 38-year-old white-collar professional who works in a stressful and demanding position. I cherish my time off (nights, weekends and holidays). I need to unwind and rejuvenate myself.
The problem: my mother. She also leads a hectic life filled with ongoing responsibilities, which include running her own business in addition to managing several apartment buildings she owns.
Whenever there is a problem with one of her rentals, she complains about everything she has to take care of. Then she'll ask me to help her out fixing plumbing, changing locks, etc.
Abby, my mother nets in excess of $250,000 per year. I have offered to find a handyman to assist her, but she gets upset and says, "It costs too much to hire someone."
Mom tries to make me feel guilty by telling me that the day will come when I'll inherit everything she has. What should I do to keep the peace? -- OVERWHELMED IN ORLANDO
DEAR OVERWHELMED: Your peace of mind is more important than "keeping the peace." Tell your mother that with all of her responsibilities, she needs a handyman -- and if that means you inherit less, so be it. Then offer again to help her find one.
DEAR ABBY: Please help me. I am scared about my feelings. I am 32, married and emotionally and physically attracted to my 18-year-old cousin, "Peter." He has been vacationing in our home this summer. Since he's been here we have had wonderful conversations -- he hasn't left my side. The truth is, Peter makes me feel wanted, loved and happy.
Abby, please explain what I am going through. I've been so caught up with Peter that I have neglected my husband. Is this an early midlife crisis? -- TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT
DEAR TOO CLOSE: No. You are getting admiration, compliments and validation from someone who is idealistic, enthusiastic and youthful. That can be a pretty heady cocktail for someone who is thirsty.
Ask yourself why you are vulnerable, and you'll have the answer to your question. You and your husband would benefit from marriage counseling. It will give you both an opportunity to explore your feelings. Call today for a referral from your physician.
Woman Misses Girlfriends in New Life With Husband
DEAR ABBY: How does one make friends after college? This may seem like a dumb question, but I'm having a hard time.
Right after I graduated, I married a wonderful man and moved halfway across the country, leaving all my close friends behind. Having been raised an Army brat, I never had trouble adjusting to new situations until now.
My husband is my best friend and a great companion, but I miss having girlfriends in my life -– to cry over silly movies with, and go shopping, and share "girl talk."
I am working two jobs, so time is scarce, and I don't have the money to join a gym so I can meet people. My day job provides limited contact with the public, and at both jobs my co-workers are decades older than me.
So far, the only people I've met my own age are all single, and they like to party and do singles things. I'm happy with my guy, so of course I'm not into that.
Ideally, I'd like to meet other couples so I can make some female friends, and we can send "the boys" out to do macho things. I'm hoping you can help me, Abby. -- FRIENDLESS IN THE TEXAS PANHANDLE
DEAR FRIENDLESS: Please don't write off the possibility of forming friendships with older people. They can be great mentors and can also have children or extended family who are your age.
Since your time for socializing is limited, consider exploring relationships at your place of worship or among your husband's co-workers.
DEAR ABBY: My children are grown. They moved out a few years ago, but now they're back. They do not want to take care of themselves, and do nothing physically or financially to keep the house in order.
I would like to sell my home and work overseas for one year in my profession. If I don't do it now, I never will.
Please tell me how to get these overgrown "children" out of my house and off my back. They have their own money and they have friends. I don't know how to handle this. I'll take your advice. (I have for years.) -- USED MOM IN MINNESOTA
DEAR USED MOM: Be firm. Give your adult offspring a deadline to be out. Then put your house up for sale and take the job overseas. Please don't feel guilty for doing so. You have earned the right to experience your dream. Your children are adults now. It's time they learned to survive on their own. It's an important part of growing up.
DEAR ABBY: I was dating someone special for six months. I'll call her Meg. I fell deeply in love with her and thought we had a future. Meg said she loved me, too.
A few weeks ago, she got upset with me and said I wasn't smart enough or intuitive enough to know she needed $3,000 to buy a car. Meg said if I really loved her, I would have picked up on her "hints" and given her the money without hesitation. The truth is, I probably would have, but I'm not a mind reader. Now she's done a complete 180 on me and hung me out to dry.
Abby, Meg never calls me "honey" or "sweetheart" anymore, and never seems to have more than a moment to spend with me. I love her, but don't know what to do. I don't know how much more rejection I can take. What do you make of her behavior? -- BLINDSIDED IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR BLINDSIDED: Count yourself lucky. You are finally seeing the real person beneath the loving facade. Bluntly put, your lady friend is a gold digger. Ease your broken heart with the thought that you're $3,000 ahead of the game. This "romance" was not meant to be.
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)
to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)
Woman Finds the Dating Pool Is Fished Out in Small Town
DEAR ABBY: I am an attractive 33-year-old, unattached woman who is extremely shy and lonely. Please don't tell me to look for companionship in church (done that) or clubs, which don't exist in my small town.
The nearest singles group is a 30-mile drive, and the "pickings" there are slim. Most of my friends are married and preoccupied with husbands and busy households. We might meet for coffee or an occasional meal, but not often.
The few single girlfriends I have are romantically involved and do not want to leave their boyfriends even for an hour, so I am stuck every weekend at home by myself. I tried an Internet dating service. All the responses I got were from men 50 and older -- even though I requested no one over 37.
I am beginning to doubt myself as a person -- fearing that no one will ever want to get close to me. My attitude is starting to affect my job performance.
Abby, am I asking too much to want someone to cuddle up with at night; someone to be there when I've had a rough day; someone to go bike riding with or for a day at the beach?
Can you help me? Please tell me what I can do. My birthday is coming up. All I want in the whole world is to spend it with someone who cares about me. -- LONELY IN A SMALL TOWN SOMEWHERE IN VIRGINIA
DEAR LONELY: Any experienced fisherman knows that in order to be successful, you have to row your boat to where the fish are biting.
Take a look at a map and find a medium-to-large city that you think might offer you a chance for employment and the opportunities to mix with interesting people your age. Once there, get involved in activities where "nice people" meet. (Volunteer work is a good choice.)
Sitting around in a small town brooding about feeling isolated is a waste of precious time.
P.S. If you feel your shyness is limiting your opportunities, I urge you to get counseling. It would be the most valuable birthday present you could give yourself.
DEAR ABBY: My ex-mother-in-law, Thelma Barcal, lived in Sioux City, Iowa, and took delight in telling this true story from the 1920s about a pair of young twin girls who lived next door to her on -- I believe -- Jackson Street.
Thelma took great pride in the flowers she grew in her backyard. Evidently the twins liked them, too. In fact, they liked them so much that one day they picked most of them.
The next thing Thelma knew, her doorbell rang -- and there stood the twins at her front door wanting to sell her own flowers back to her!
Those precocious twin girls grew up to be "Dear Abby" and "Ann Landers." Thought you might enjoy this little trip down memory lane. -- ALICE MOSES, HUNTSVILLE, ALA.
DEAR ALICE: I did, indeed. I'm not surprised that my mother and my aunt were so enterprising at such a tender age. However, I'm relieved the two "hot petal pushers" decided to devote their talents to something legitimate before they were "busted" for their entrepreneurship. (Both were too short to look good in horizontal stripes!)
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)