For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Child Abuse Headlines Make Mom Fear for Her Young Son
DEAR ABBY: I just finished reading a newspaper article describing the arrest and plea bargain of a man who has been sexually abusing his daughter since before she could walk.
As I watch my young son toddling around the house, I don't want to face the future. Will I always have to worry about a sex deviant hurting him?
I am starting to be paranoid -- second-guessing everyone's motive for smiling at him. Between the church scandals and parents who harm their own, I am afraid to leave my son anywhere. The thought that someone out there would hurt precious children breaks my heart.
I don't understand how this happens. Please tell me where are the mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles, grandparents? Do they close their eyes and ears, or is it so insidious that no one notices? -- HEARTSICK ON LONG ISLAND
DEAR HEARTSICK: It's impossible to generalize because each case is different. Your fears are normal, but should not be allowed to distort your view of the world.
Teach your son while he is very young that you will listen to him. He also needs to be taught proper boundaries -- that NO ONE has the right to touch him inappropriately. And further, that he can confide ANYTHING to you without fear of punishment.
DEAR ABBY: I am 17. Last spring my boyfriend's brother got married. I attended the wedding and reception. I was also invited to the family home the next day for the bride and groom's gift-opening ceremony.
My boyfriend and I gave them pretty candlesticks for their apartment. My mother, who was not invited to the wedding or reception, thought it would be nice to give them a token gift, so she gave them a lovely wedding card with $20 enclosed.
As they opened their gifts and cards, they disclosed the amount of money on each check they received, and made comments about each one in front of everybody in the room. The bride is from a wealthy family. Some checks were for more than $500. When they got to my mom's card, instead of just saying a simple, "Thank you," they announced the $20 amount and said, "Well, I guess THAT'S appropriate!"
Abby, I was appalled and furious. My mother didn't have to give them a thing. I was so upset, I left the party. Is this kind of behavior acceptable? It's been bugging me after all this time. What do you think? -- STILL BUGGED IN ILLINOIS
DEAR STILL BUGGED: Their behavior was insensitive, immature, rude and ungrateful. When money is received and wedding gifts in the form of checks are displayed, it's supposed to be done with the amount concealed. To ridicule people for the size of their gift is inexcusable.
CONFIDENTIAL TO S.E. IN THE SOUTHWEST: You must get away. You and your children are being abused both physically and emotionally -- and your lives may be in danger. Please call Childhelp USA's National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-422-4453. Repeat to the counselor who answers what you have written to me. After you have done it, please e-mail me again and let me know how you and the children are doing.
DEAR ABBY: I'm writing in response to the letters about Edward G. Robinson.
In 1943, when I was in the service, I hitchhiked from the San Francisco/Oakland area to Los Angeles because I wanted to visit Los Angeles during my nine-day leave before going overseas.
A big black car pulled over to give me a lift -- and who should be driving but Edward G. Robinson! I was placed in the backseat between two Doberman pinschers. Believe me, if I made the slightest move those dogs' ears went up! It was one scary ride.
I was relieved to get out from between those two huge dogs when we stopped for gas in Bakersfield. Mr. Robinson then treated me to a delicious steak dinner at The Inn.
His kindness that night will never be forgotten -- as well as his ease in the conversation we shared. Hope you have room to print this, Abby. -- CHARLES (CHUCK) O'NEIL, SACRAMENTO
DEAR CHUCK: If my mail is any indication, Edward G. Robinson certainly got around! Read on:
DEAR ABBY: It was the fall of 1968, and I was a young, newly hired cabin attendant for the now defunct TransWorld Airlines.
On one memorable flight, I had the pleasure of attending to Mr. Robinson in the first-class cabin. He was a warm and friendly man -- and completely unassuming.
A friend of mine who idolized him was going to pick me up when we landed in New York. I asked Mr. Robinson if he would mind signing an autograph for my friend, and he came back with, "Better yet -- let's really surprise him!"
Edward G. and I walked arm-in-arm off the plane and strode up to my friend, who was standing there absolutely speechless with his mouth open. Mr. Robinson greeted him by tipping his hat and saying, "How do you do? I am Edward G. Robinson."
For having played some "heavies" on screen, he truly was a gentle human being. -- JUDY OTRANDO-SEGAL, CALABASAS, CALIF.
DEAR JUDY: It appears he also had a sense of humor. You're not the only reader who had an airplane encounter with him. Arlene Linke, of Ridley Park, Pa., wrote to say that in 1949 her pregnant mother boarded a plane that had been oversold only to find no seats were available. Only one gentleman was willing to give up his seat for her. You guessed it -- it was Edward G. Robinson.
DEAR ABBY: Although Mr. Robinson played, as you said, "heavies" on screen, he also spent years on the stage -- beginning with the Garrick Theater in New York during the 1920s.
In 1951, he returned to the stage in a starring role in "Darkness at Noon." I was fortunate to see the play when it came to San Francisco. He was superb.
I also saw most of his movies. He was a great actor. Mr. Robinson's autobiography, "All My Yesterdays," is one of the best books by an actor I've ever read.
Here in San Francisco a few years ago, a tribute to Edward G. Robinson was held at Herbst International Exhibition Hall, featuring excerpts from some of his films. The hall was packed. The first time he appeared on the screen, everyone in the audience stood up and applauded. He was loved by many classic movie buffs. -- PATRICIA ANDERSON, SAN FRANCISCO
DEAR PATRICIA: And he's fondly remembered by many fans -- old and new -- today.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
WORLD WAR II DESERT BATTALION RISES AGAIN AFTER MAN'S PLEA
DEAR ABBY: You have some amazing readers! When I wrote about my mother's adventures in the Desert Battalion during World War II, I had no idea there would be such a response.
Within 12 hours after my letter appeared in your column on May 30, I received a dozen phone calls and numerous e-mail messages. Two days later, letters started arriving.
With only my name and hometown, your readers tracked me down to tell me they had located copies of "The Desert Battalion" on various book-search sites.
One man had a copy he was kind enough to send to me; another had one because he was a personal friend of Mrs. Edward G. Robinson's and had actually accompanied the battalion on several trips to visit the troops in 1943-44; and a lady from San Diego named Betty called to say she had been one of the original battalion!
Amazingly, Mrs. Robinson's granddaughter also called. We talked for an hour about her grandmother's reminiscences of the battalion. We plan to correspond further.
I was able to order a copy of the book, which I have given to Mom; received another as a gift; and learned much about Gen. Patton's secret "Camp X" near Palm Desert, Calif. The Desert Battalion was the only civilian group to go there or know about it.
It's been an amazing experience, thanks to you, your readers, and the U.S. Postal Service, which delivered many letters to me addressed only with my name, city and state! -- DAVE KOHL, WEST LINN, ORE.
DEAR DAVE: My readers are the most caring and generous people in the world. I'm not surprised that they were galvanized to action after reading your letter. Thank you for sharing your happiness. (I'll have more on this subject tomorrow.)
DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, my mother told me my father had cheated on her. They are now divorced. I decided then that my father would not walk down the aisle when I got married -- nor would he and his new wife ever be invited to my wedding.
Even though that day is a long way off (I am 12), I was wondering if you agree with my decision. -- MAD AT DAD IN VIRGINIA
DEAR MAD AT DAD: I understand your anger at your father, and your protectiveness toward your mother. The best advice I can offer is not to make any hard-and-fast decisions at this time.
When you are older, and actually planning your wedding, you will better understand the reasons why your parents' marriage failed, and then you can make a mature decision that you will not later regret.
DEAR ABBY: I am 76. My husband is 79. Until recently, our sex life was nonexistent. Somehow he got his hands on a sample of Viagra and now he is, as they say, "hot to trot."
The trouble is, he has serious heart problems and gets so flushed and out of breath when we have sex that it scares me. I don't think he should be taking the pills.
I know you have medical experts you could ask for advice. I'm sure he hasn't told his cardiologist he's taking Viagra. Help! -- WORRIED IN COLORADO
DEAR WORRIED: If your husband won't tell his cardiologist he's taking Viagra, you should -- and do it today. From what I have read, in most cases, sex won't kill a man with a heart condition, but the combination of Viagra with the wrong medication could. Your husband might prefer to go out with a "bang" -- but before he takes the risk, you both should be fully informed.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)