DEAR ABBY: Our only child, a son in his late 40s, has decided he is gay. He was married briefly for three years and has had three partners. I have seen very little of him, as he lives on one coast and we live on the other.
We haven't seen him for four years because he will not visit us without his partner. We do not approve of his lifestyle and feel he should visit his parents alone. I think he is being unreasonable. We both have health problems and don't need the stress.
Don't get me wrong, Abby. I love my son and it is his choice to live his life this way. But do I have to be subject to it? Am I wrong? Does anyone else have my problem? -- HEARTBROKEN MOTHER IN ORLANDO
DEAR HEARTBROKEN: You are wrong. People aren't gay because they choose to be; they are gay because they are born that way. Your son tried to please you by marrying. It didn't work -- he is only being himself now. For you to demand that he visit you without his partner is both insulting and unreasonable. If he were married, you would not insist he visit you without his spouse. His partner is his family, too.
Many other parents have handled this situation in a positive way by getting information from -- or joining -- PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). This organization has more than 20 years' experience building bridges of understanding between lesbian, gay, bisexual and transsexual people and their families. Contact it by writing: PFLAG, 1726 M St. NW, Washington, DC 20036, or by e-mail at info(at)pflag.org, or by visiting the Web site at www.pflag.org. You'll be glad you did.