To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
This is in reply to "Desperate in Ohio," whose aunt used to recite a saying, but she could not remember the ending. My mother frequently quoted the verse to me when I was a child and wanted something. It went:
"If wishes were horses and beggars could ride,
"If turnips were watches, I'd wear one by my side.
"If 'ifs' and 'ands' were pots and pans,
"There would be no work for tinkers."
-- NEVILLE E. TEAGUE, COLUMBIA, S.C.
DEAR NEVILLE: Thank you for rushing to the rescue -- as did thousands of other gallant readers. That question evoked some fascinating responses. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: Perhaps this is an appropriate time to educate those readers who were born after the 1930s. A tinker was a craftsman who navigated city streets and country roads in a horse-drawn cart, offering his services to mend pots and pans -- repairing broken handles, smoothing dents and, especially, repairing small holes.
The latter involved fashioning a moist clay dam around the hole; then as he blocked its interior with a thick pad of leather (or asbestos!), he would pour a small amount of solder into the dam. The solder cooled almost immediately, and the tinker would brush away the now worthless dam.
It was that elementary act that gave our language the expression, "It's not worth a tinker's dam," or more simply, "It's not worth a dam," or even (Clark Gable to the contrary), "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a dam!"
And all these years we thought we were swearing. -- GORDON D. ROWE, CHAGRIN FALLS, OHIO
DEAR GORDON: Far be it from me to tinker with your explanation. Thank you for the etymology lesson. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: My thanks to you for reviving a long quiescent memory: Greenwich, London, England, 1935-1938. Two children excited by the sounds of the horse-drawn milk wagon coming down the street, the gypsy calls for "rags and bones, rags and bones," black coal tumbling noisily down the chute into the basement, and the tinker in his cart coming to solder damaged kitchenware.
When the tinker came we chanted the old saw, "Were 'ifs' and 'ans' pots and pans, there'd be no need for tinkers," but we always had something for him to mend -- a hot cup of tea for him, and a sugar cube for his pony. "An," we learned, is an archaic synonym for "if," a word we would meet again only in literature. -- PATRICIA L. WILLY, ALAMO, CALIF.
DEAR PATRICIA: What a wonderful description. I can almost picture the scene from your childhood. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: It appears to be an old Irish proverb -- a tinker is an Irish gypsy, and they still roam Ireland today. My mother is from Kildare, and I remember as a child seeing all the "tinker" children riding bareback on ponies by the side of the road. I was jealous of their life, since their parents didn't make them go to school. -- LIL-ANNE SCHUETTE, BOSTON
DEAR LIL-ANNE: Irish? Several other readers thought the saying originated with the Pennsylvania Dutch or Amish. However, I'm sure more than one ethnic group has paraphrased those sentiments at one time or another. (I'll have more on this tomorrow.)
Fast Food, Slow Lifestyle Have Made Our Children Fat
DEAR ABBY: Childhood obesity is growing at an alarming rate, with almost 13 percent of 6- to 11-year-olds affected. With more gadgets to occupy our time on the couch and entertainment at our fingertips with the push of a button, as well as a cornucopia of fast foods with high fat content readily available, we need a family program of regular exercise and basic nutrition for children.
Youngsters should get at least 35 to 60 minutes of walking or other exercise each day to build the strong bones they'll need later in life. Between the ages of 10 and 18, children build bone mass that must last a lifetime. Weight-bearing exercises such as running, jumping, dancing or hiking help to make bones stronger while they are growing.
Without adequate bone mass, conditions such as osteoporosis, which makes bones fragile and susceptible to breaking, can occur, along with osteoarthritis and other musculoskeletal conditions. Studies show that adequate exercise has a positive effect not only on bone health but many other areas of children's well-being, including brain, social and emotional development.
This summer, one way to model good habits and encourage our kids to get up, get out and get moving is to plan active family recreation. The American Academy of Orthopaedic Surgeons and orthopaedic surgeons nationwide urge parents to make sure children are getting adequate levels of physical activity.
Abby, with your help, we can encourage everyone to actively pursue musculoskeletal health that will last throughout a lifetime. -- VERNON T. TOLO, M.D., PRESIDENT, AMERICAN ACADEMY OF ORTHOPAEDIC SURGEONS
DEAR DR. TOLO: I am pleased the American Academy of Orthopaedic Surgeons has become so vocal on this important subject. When exercise is a family activity, children are more likely to get off the couch (or computer) and become participants. Summer is the ideal time to get started.
Additional information on children's bone health is available on the academy's Web site, www.aaos.org, or call (800) 824-2663.
DEAR ABBY: I just received the devastating news that one of my close childhood friends molested my younger brother several years ago. My brother is still healing from this traumatic experience.
The immediate problem I face is that I'm being married in November and no longer want to invite this "friend." I have cut off all communication with him and haven't told him yet what I know.
How do I approach the subject with him now? Because I learned about the molestation only recently, this guy is under the assumption we're still on good terms. I know he will expect an invitation. -- LOYAL SIS IN BOISE, IDAHO
DEAR LOYAL SIS: Do not send an invitation. If this former "friend" asks why he wasn't included, tell him and don't mince words. Meanwhile, urge your brother to seek counseling and report what happened to the police. It could save another child from the trauma your brother suffered.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Husband and Wife Are Running on Separate Biological Clocks
DEAR ABBY: I am a woman who's been married for five years. I'll be 30 on my next birthday and I'm ready to start a family. During the past several months, the media -- and my own doctor -- have convinced me that if my husband and I want a family, we should start NOW.
My husband insists he's not ready and won't be for another five years. His reason is not financial; it is pure selfishness on his part. We both make good salaries, have very little debt and own a beautiful home. He says he's not ready to give up his time for a family. I have tried, with no success, to persuade him with all the arguments.
I am hurt to the core and very angry with him right now. I don't want to be 35 and "still waiting" for him to come around. Help! -- MOMMY-IN-WAITING IN DALLAS
DEAR MOMMY-IN-WAITING: Since your biological clock is ticking, you and your husband should waste no time in talking this out with a marriage counselor. He may have concerns about his ability to be a good parent or about his commitment to your marriage. Until you understand exactly what his problem is, it cannot be dealt with. Do not allow him to put this off. Your concerns are valid.
DEAR ABBY: I am an 18-year-old girl who's writing because I don't know what's up with the way I feel. I am at the top of my class, play soccer and work in retail after school. One day I'd like to be a great architect. I am a good person, but I don't feel like I'm ready to grow up just yet.
My mom says I HAVE to grow up and that I should start to look for a boyfriend because I am getting older.
Abby, I do not want a boyfriend. I feel uncomfortable around boys. They gross me out, especially when they try to talk to me or make a move on me. I want to puke. Is there something wrong with me?
I think some boys like Freddie Prinz Jr. are cute, but I want nothing more than to have a tiny crush. What do you think? Is it normal to feel that way? How do I tell my mom how I feel? -- CONFUSED IN NEW YORK
DEAR CONFUSED: There is no rush to find a boyfriend. It is possible that you are socially immature or a late bloomer. However, I am concerned because your aversion to boys seems extreme.
If you attend school in the fall, visit the student health center and ask to talk to a counselor. If not, ask your doctor for a referral. He or she can help you get to the root of your feelings. After that, you will know what to tell your mother.
DEAR ABBY: I have recently been reunited with my birth siblings. After a lifetime of wondering if they existed, it was exciting to discover four brothers and sisters. However, it has become overwhelming, because they call me every day and want to get together every weekend.
My siblings mean the world to me, but I had another life before we were reunited. How do I gently back away without causing any damage? Please advise me, Abby. -- A SISTER IN TENNESSEE
DEAR SISTER: Set limits and schedule visits weeks ahead of time to fit your schedule. Just because your siblings call does not mean that you always have to be available. Make sure your newfound relatives understand that you had prior commitments before the reunion occurred.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)