For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
SCUBA DIVERS TAKE THE PLUNGE IN SPITE OF CHRONIC ILLNESSES
DEAR ABBY: A recent letter in your column misquoted information from one of my publications, "Medical Examination of Sports Scuba Divers." Nowhere in my study is it stated that the chronic conditions mentioned (such as asthma, diabetes, headaches, high blood pressure, coronary artery disease, valvular heart disease, congenital heart disease, etc.) are prohibitions against sport diving.
We have established physical standards for sport divers, and these accommodate many people with chronic illnesses who wish to participate in this sport.
Information about diving with chronic illness can be found at www.scubamed.com. Thanks for getting the word out, Abby. Your advice regarding proper training and certification is appreciated. -- DR. ALFRED BOVE, PHILADELPHIA
DEAR DR. BOVE: Thank you for correcting the error. You are not the only expert I heard from. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: In response to Sarah Moody's letter about her son who died tragically of an asthma attack while scuba diving, Ms. Moody did not mention the organization that trained her son for diving, or if he had been certified.
It should be noted that all major certifying organizations (NAUI, PADI, SSI, YMCA) screen scuba students up front and exclude from training anyone with medical conditions considered "absolute contraindications." While scuba diving is not inherently dangerous, it involves certain risks and physical demands. Anyone who wants to experience the fun of scuba diving needs proper training from a reputable certifying agency, and -- as with any new physical activity -- should have a doctor's OK before doing so. -- SKIP POLLARD, SCUBA INSTRUCTOR, FORT LAUDERDALE
DEAR SKIP: That's practical advice, and it could save a life if it's heeded.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 12-year-old girl. Recently a boy I know was shot while standing in front of a movie theater with a bunch of us kids from school.
We didn't know that a gang member was standing close by him. Suddenly, a car came speeding by. Members of a rival gang opened fire on the gang member, aiming an automatic weapon out the window of the car.
Not only did the spray of bullets kill the gang member, but the gunfire also went beyond him and hit my 12-year-old friend, who had no connection whatsoever with either gang.
Not long after the attack on the World Trade Center, I heard someone from another country say on TV that Americans don't know what it's like to have a war going on in their own country. Those words made me furious.
I think someone should take that person to the spot where my friend was gunned down. There are still bloodstains on the sidewalk.
We Americans know all too well what it's like to have a gang war going on in our streets. It has been going on for years -- and is still going on, even as I sit here writing this letter. Just sign me ... FURIOUS IN TENNESSEE
DEAR FURIOUS: I wish there was a simple answer to the problem of gangs and violence, but there isn't. The causes are complex and varied. However, this nation needs to pay more attention to -- and allocate more funds for -- youth programs that strengthen the family. I know it's not the answer, but it would be a good start.
BOSS OBSESSED WITH PORN HIJACKS WORKER'S COMPUTER
DEAR ABBY: I am a middle-aged female office worker who has a big problem with one of my two bosses, "Mr. X." I have no respect for him. He frequently views pornography on my computer and isn't very adept at covering his tracks. Sometimes I suspect he actually WANTS me to know what he's up to.
Twice this man has left disks behind containing X-rated material, and I've seen vast numbers of X-rated Web site titles that he apparently visits almost daily -- either before I arrive or after I leave the office.
Upon returning to my cubicle after lunch last week, I actually caught Mr. X viewing porn at my desk. In his haste to get rid of it, he accidentally minimized the photo he'd been viewing, rather than closing it out -- which left me stuck with having to delete it. (I have always deleted these items when I discovered them.)
I think Mr. X's behavior is extremely creepy. I almost feel like I'm being sexually harassed. What should I do, Abby? Should I confront him, talk to my other boss (who is clueless to the problem), consult an attorney or continue keeping my head in the sand? I'd look for another position, but with the exception of the porn problem, I love my job and don't want to lose it. Sign me ... SADDENED BY SLEAZE
DEAR SADDENED: It's time to draw the line and protect yourself. Start by telling the other boss what is going on. Make it clear that you are not the person visiting those sites, and that finding evidence that they are being viewed on your computer makes you uncomfortable. That may put an end to the problem. If it doesn't, document each incident in writing and log off the computer when you are not at your desk. If the problem persists, that may be the time to consult an attorney and look for another job.
DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Nick," has been acting strange. I think he may be having an affair.
Until recently, he showed little interest in our family dog, "Trixie." However, lately he has offered to walk Trixie every night. Some nights they are gone for two hours.
Last night, when I went outside to put something in the mailbox, I found Trixie tied to a tree across the street. Nick was nowhere in sight.
What do you think I should do? -- WORRIED IN WASHINGTON
DEAR WORRIED: Untie Trixie and let her lead you to your wandering spouse. I suspect that when you find out what he's been up to, the one in the doghouse will be Nick.
DEAR ABBY: Is there such a thing as "real love"? You know, the kind where you never feel complete unless your partner is there? I read books about this kind of love. I see movies about it and hear songs, but I have never experienced it.
I am not a teen-ager, Abby. I am 47 years old and wonder if I have missed out. -- WONDERING IN IOWA
DEAR WONDERING: You haven't missed out. What you have described sounds more like co-dependence than "real love."
Kahil Gibran said it best in his book, "The Prophet": "... stand together yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, and the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow."
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Wife in Love With Husband Clings to One Way Marriage
DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Dennis," has been having an affair for many years. He filed for divorce and moved out of the house for several months. I made the divorce negotiations so difficult, he gave up and moved back home.
I know Dennis continues to see his girlfriend every day. I put up with it because I still love him after 40 years of marriage.
Do you think I am a fool to continue in this relationship when I know he no longer loves me? -- UNHAPPY IN OKLAHOMA
DEAR UNHAPPY: Only you can answer that. If you're staying in the marriage for financial security -- and financial security is the most important thing to you -- I'd say you are being pragmatic. On the other hand, if you're hoping he'll give up his longtime girlfriend one day and love you again, it could be a long wait.
When a person is single, there is always the possibility of meeting a loving, faithful and eligible person. Being trapped in a loveless marriage must be like living in solitary confinement. You have my sympathy.
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I plan to marry in a year or so. Because my mother is very controlling, we intend to move far away from her. She tries to control my every move. If I don't get her permission to take a shower, she goes crazy and yells at me for hours. I've always been respectful and followed every rule in her house. There's no reason for her to act this way.
Mother is angry at my 28-year-old sister because she moved 30 minutes away before she got married. Mom still drops in on her unexpectedly and calls every day to yell at her.
Abby, I don't want the same thing to happen to me. What should I do when she asks for my phone number? I don't want to give it to her. -- ADULT DAUGHTER IN THE SOUTHWEST
DEAR ADULT DAUGHTER: Your mother clearly has emotional problems and should be evaluated by a doctor. Although it may seem tempting to run away and leave your unhappy past behind, an alternative might be to add a call-screening feature to your phone. Your conscience will be clearer if you do.
DEAR ABBY: Our 14-year-old daughter is fortunate to have her dad and me as parents because we have a good, solid marriage.
Here's the dilemma: Our daughter has a close friend, "Jen," whose mother is single. She's a nice lady, but has had at least two live-in boyfriends within the last year that we know of.
Our daughter has been invited countless times to sleep over at Jen's house, but I feel it isn't the kind of atmosphere I want our teen-ager exposed to. As long as Jen's mom is living with a guy, I have a real problem with this.
I can't come up with a delicate way to explain my feelings without offending Jen's mom. My daughter is upset over this whole situation, but I've made it clear that her well-being is my No. 1 priority.
Am I being overly sensitive? Any input would be appreciated. -- FRUSTRATED MOM
DEAR MOM: I don't think so. If you prefer that your daughter not spend the night in a home with an unmarried couple, solve your problem by saying exactly that to all concerned. You're entitled to your moral convictions and you owe no one an apology for standing firm in defense of them.
CONFIDENTIAL TO ROSE PHILLIPS IN MINNEAPOLIS: Happy 103rd birthday to my beloved grandmother. You are an incomparable role model to all of us. -- LOVE, JEANNE
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)