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Proudest Winners of Cub Derby Used Their Own Elbow Grease
DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter from "Proud Mom in Ohio," who was upset about the Cub Scout derby races, I recalled our solution to the problem of overly helpful parents.
In the U.S. Air Force, we had a real problem with actual rocket scientists and aerodynamic engineers. Some of the entries were so near perfection that we Cub pack leaders came up with the solution of classes of competition: beauty, speed, uniqueness, and the obvious "car completely built by the Cub Scout himself." The last category became the most coveted prize at the event.
Because members of the military are often subject to unplanned absences, we instituted a system whereby other fathers would fill in and assist a boy without a dad. When I supervised, I always insisted on "elbow grease" that resulted in a good job even by those young boys. My sons complained that I was overly enthusiastic when a youngster I assisted beat them. Their comment: "Did you HAVE to help him so good?" -- LARRY KRUGER, MAJOR, USAF (Ret.), VICTORVILLE, CALIF.
DEAR LARRY: Many readers identified with that letter. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I speak from experience when I say that "Proud Mom" can make a difference. Scout programs are run by volunteers. Cub packs have monthly committee meetings where these events are discussed and planned far in advance. She should join the pack committee and suggest changes in the way the derby is run to ensure that it is done fairly.
I have volunteered at all levels of the Boy Scout program, from den mother to assistant scoutmaster. The Boy Scout and Cub Scout programs need parents like "Proud Mom in Ohio," and I know her comments would be greatly appreciated. -- JO-ANNE CAMMORATA, HANOVER, MASS.
DEAR JO-ANNE: You're right. Change has to come from within.
DEAR ABBY: I am a single mom who raised my son alone. I had him join Cub Scouts so he could spend time with other boys and become involved in activities such as race car derbies. My father, a retiree, supervised while my son worked for hours on his car.
At the derby, the boys lined their cars up on a table. I could tell my son was embarrassed by his entry in comparison to the others. It was obvious that some of them had been made by the fathers. My heart went out to my son when his name was called and he picked up his crude-looking race car.
Believe it or not, he won first place!
My son is now 15, and in his bedroom he still displays that trophy, the car, and a photo of him and his grandfather taken on that special day. -- NEVER SO PROUD, JERMYN, PA.
DEAR NEVER SO PROUD: I understand why. It was his first major victory. Something tells me it won't be his last.
DEAR ABBY: That mother should do what we did on derby day. After watching the overly enthusiastic adults at the event, I suggested that the following year we offer them the chance to participate in their OWN race with their OWN cars. It worked like a charm! The grown-ups had a chance to strut their stuff, and it alleviated the need to take over their sons' project. -- FORMER SCOUT LEADER, DANVILLE, CALIF.
DEAR FORMER LEADER: YOU deserve a trophy for a clever solution.
NOT CONFIDENTIAL: Happy 84th birthday to the matchless "Sioux City Twins" -- my mother, Pauline, in LA, and Aunt Eppie in Chicago. -- LOVE, JEANNE
NOTE: The above birthday greeting was written three weeks ago. Today, with a heavy heart, I and the rest of the Phillips family offer our deepest sympathy to my Aunt Eppie's grieving family and loyal staff. -- JEANNE
Holiday Revelry Goes Astray When Woman Gets Shot in Leg
DEAR ABBY: Our family had a very unpleasant experience last Fourth of July. In the early afternoon, my 20-year-old daughter was gardening in the front yard of her home near the university she attends when she was struck by a bullet.
Not realizing the nature of her injury, my daughter thought she had broken a bone or pulled something in her leg. In the hospital emergency room, the admitting nurse recognized the wound for what it was and called the police. The bullet had entered the back of her leg above the knee, traveled down, and lodged between the bones above her ankle. The doctors decided to leave the bullet where it is.
According to the police, the gun could have been discharged blocks away, and it was probably fired by someone celebrating the holiday. Don't people realize that bullets come down with almost as much force as they go up? Here in Portland, it is against the law to discharge a firearm within city limits.
My precious daughter could have been hit in the head or chest with far more serious consequences.
Abby, please remind your readers about the dangers of discharging firearms into the air. Those bullets have to fall somewhere. -- RICHARD DANIELS, PORTLAND, ORE.
DEAR RICHARD: Your daughter was lucky not to have been killed. Although I have warned readers in the past about firing weapons into the air, I have not had such a graphic example of what can result!
Readers, please celebrate safely this Fourth of July. And if you see someone behaving irresponsibly with a weapon, please report it to the police immediately. You could save a life.
DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Rick," and I separated two months ago because someone called my mother and told her Rick was cheating. I didn't question him about it; I simply packed his stuff and threw him out. Rick swears he has never cheated on me.
Since then, I have had many heated discussions with my mother because she won't quit digging for dirt on him. She has told everyone she knows about my marital problems.
Rick and I are seeing a counselor, and I need to know how to get my mother and the rest of my family to quit talking behind my back. I want what is best for me, but nobody will give me a chance to figure out what that is.
I still love Rick and I honestly don't know where my marriage stands. He and I argue frequently over my family's involvement. Please help. -- DESPERATE FOR PEACE IN INDIANA
DEAR DESPERATE: I'll try, but you're already getting too much outside advice as it is. Marriage means forsaking all others, and that goes not only for your husband, but for you as well.
If you and Rick want to save your marriage, it's time to circle the wagons and fight to stay together. And that means listening only to the professional counselor.
DEAR ABBY: Please help my lady friend and me settle an argument. I gave her a ring. She refuses to wear it on her "ring" finger, i.e., next to the little finger, left hand. She says that finger is for a wedding ring or an engagement ring only. I say any ring can be worn on that finger, including, but not exclusively limited to, a wedding ring. Please help. -- FINGERED IN FLORIDA
DEAR FINGERED: A woman wears a ring on the third finger of her left hand to let people know she is spoken for. If you and this lady do not have that kind of an understanding, then expecting her to wear a ring on that finger is premature.
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)
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TV Addict Celebrates Day His Set Went Up in Smoke
DEAR ABBY: Your response to "Seeking Peace and Quiet in New Jersey" isn't going to cut it. She complained that her husband, Jerome, spends too much time in front of the TV and not enough time with her. You said she should declare a "TV-free zone" at least once a week.
I recognize Jerome's symptoms. I am a "recovering TV-holic." Fortunately, my TV was destroyed in an apartment fire a few years ago. I decided to go "cold turkey" and not replace it. Abby, the results were miraculous. My previously mushy brain cells have regenerated because I now get my news and entertainment from the Internet -- or from those old standbys: newspapers and radio.
I strongly recommend that Jerome and his wife consult a counselor for his addiction. -- BROTHER MIKE IN MASSACHUSETTS
DEAR BROTHER MIKE: It's certainly worth considering. Perhaps it will clear the static in the lines of communication between the spouses. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: Jerome's wife should enjoy watching TV with him. My husband also watched TV for hours. I used to threaten to name the TV in our divorce. Eventually, however, I learned to speak in three-minute segments -- and lovingly covered my husband when he fell asleep watching his favorite shows.
I competed with the TV set for 30 years, but if I could have my husband back, I'd never complain again. It's much too quiet since he died. -- MISSING MY REMOTE IN FLORIDA
DEAR MISSING: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your husband. Sometimes it's only after a loved one is gone that people can put their faults into perspective.
DEAR ABBY: My husband watched TV every night for hours until we had a "mysterious" blackout. The truth is, unbeknownst to my husband, I periodically flip the main circuit breaker to the house, leaving us in the dark for the entire night. Once he calms down, it's fun having a romantic dinner by candlelight and relaxing by the glow of the fireplace. The kids enjoy it, too -- and my husband hasn't caught on yet. -- WHATEVER IT TAKES IN INDIANA
DEAR WHATEVER: Let's hope he doesn't -- but be warned. In November 1965, a famous New York City blackout occurred. There was no power, and workers and residents found themselves in darkness with a lot of time on their hands. Nine months later -- August 1966 -- there was a record number of babies born. A word to the wise ...
DEAR ABBY: My beloved sister passed away a year ago. We always got along beautifully. Now that she's gone, her husband has expressed an interest in me and would like us to be a couple.
I have always regarded him as a brother, and he has treated me accordingly. However, I must admit that he has a special place in my heart.
Would it be wrong of me to encourage him, Abby? We'd both appreciate your opinion. Please do not use my name. -- HER SISTER ON LONG ISLAND
DEAR SISTER: I see nothing wrong with you having a future with your former brother-in-law. You have years of shared history in common, and that can be the basis of a very successful union.
CONFIDENTIAL TO MORTON B. AND PAULINE IN BEVERLY HILLS: Warmest wishes on your 63rd anniversary -- to the dearest parents in the world. -- LOVE, JEANNE
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)