CONFIDENTIAL TO MORTON B. AND PAULINE IN BEVERLY HILLS: Warmest wishes on your 63rd anniversary -- to the dearest parents in the world. -- LOVE, JEANNE
TV Addict Celebrates Day His Set Went Up in Smoke
DEAR ABBY: Your response to "Seeking Peace and Quiet in New Jersey" isn't going to cut it. She complained that her husband, Jerome, spends too much time in front of the TV and not enough time with her. You said she should declare a "TV-free zone" at least once a week.
I recognize Jerome's symptoms. I am a "recovering TV-holic." Fortunately, my TV was destroyed in an apartment fire a few years ago. I decided to go "cold turkey" and not replace it. Abby, the results were miraculous. My previously mushy brain cells have regenerated because I now get my news and entertainment from the Internet -- or from those old standbys: newspapers and radio.
I strongly recommend that Jerome and his wife consult a counselor for his addiction. -- BROTHER MIKE IN MASSACHUSETTS
DEAR BROTHER MIKE: It's certainly worth considering. Perhaps it will clear the static in the lines of communication between the spouses. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: Jerome's wife should enjoy watching TV with him. My husband also watched TV for hours. I used to threaten to name the TV in our divorce. Eventually, however, I learned to speak in three-minute segments -- and lovingly covered my husband when he fell asleep watching his favorite shows.
I competed with the TV set for 30 years, but if I could have my husband back, I'd never complain again. It's much too quiet since he died. -- MISSING MY REMOTE IN FLORIDA
DEAR MISSING: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your husband. Sometimes it's only after a loved one is gone that people can put their faults into perspective.
DEAR ABBY: My husband watched TV every night for hours until we had a "mysterious" blackout. The truth is, unbeknownst to my husband, I periodically flip the main circuit breaker to the house, leaving us in the dark for the entire night. Once he calms down, it's fun having a romantic dinner by candlelight and relaxing by the glow of the fireplace. The kids enjoy it, too -- and my husband hasn't caught on yet. -- WHATEVER IT TAKES IN INDIANA
DEAR WHATEVER: Let's hope he doesn't -- but be warned. In November 1965, a famous New York City blackout occurred. There was no power, and workers and residents found themselves in darkness with a lot of time on their hands. Nine months later -- August 1966 -- there was a record number of babies born. A word to the wise ...
DEAR ABBY: My beloved sister passed away a year ago. We always got along beautifully. Now that she's gone, her husband has expressed an interest in me and would like us to be a couple.
I have always regarded him as a brother, and he has treated me accordingly. However, I must admit that he has a special place in my heart.
Would it be wrong of me to encourage him, Abby? We'd both appreciate your opinion. Please do not use my name. -- HER SISTER ON LONG ISLAND
DEAR SISTER: I see nothing wrong with you having a future with your former brother-in-law. You have years of shared history in common, and that can be the basis of a very successful union.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Sister Cannot Remain Silent About Brother's Cheatin' Heart
DEAR ABBY: For the past two years, my 21-year-old brother, "Bill," has been dating a wonderful young lady I'll call Katie. Bill has been living with Katie and her family for the past year, until she finishes high school. She's only 18, but very mature for her age.
Katie is now pregnant. She claims it was an accident -- but those of us close to her know it wasn't. Bill has proposed and is planning to marry her next month. After that, he has to travel out of the country for eight months because he's in the military reserves.
My best friend, "Tammy," works with Bill. She recently confided to me that after Bill found out about Katie's pregnancy, he told three of his female co-workers -- including Tammy -- that he wasn't sure if he was making the right decision by marrying Katie. He told all of these gals that he needed to "be with other women" before he gets married.
To my astonishment, each of them ended up performing sexual favors for Bill, and he has made it clear to all of them that he wants to do it again. I am torn. I love my brother, but I'm upset that he cheated on Katie. I'm also sick about the fact that my best friend took part in this.
I don't want to create a family feud, but I can't keep silent about this mess. Should I talk to my brother about it? Should I tell Katie about Bill's unfaithfulness? Or should I keep my mouth shut and let the wedding go on as planned? -- TORN IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR TORN: This does not sound to me like a couple who are ready for marriage. Talk to your father or an older male family member whom Bill respects about what you have discovered, and then tell Katie. Katie must disclose to her obstetrician the fact that she needs to be tested for STDs, because if she has one, it could affect the health of her and her baby.
Bill is overdue for a "father/son talk" about the facts of life. These include the dangers of unprotected sex and the responsibilities of a family man. As it stands, your brother understands neither.
DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law died in January. It is now mid-May, and my husband has not yet sent thank-you cards to the family and many friends who offered their condolences and support. I say it is not too late -- he says it is. What say you, Abby? -- STILL GRIEVING IN WASHINGTON STATE
DEAR STILL GRIEVING: Your husband has my sympathy. Perhaps he is procrastinating because he feels it's the last tie he has to his mother. When the task is finished, his mother really WILL be gone. It would be a kindness if you would offer to write the thank-you notes with him. Not only will it give him a sense of closeness and support, it will bring closure.
DEAR ABBY: In this period of renewed patriotism, could you please tell me the proper etiquette for listening to our national anthem? I attend many sporting events and have noticed a variety of responses when the anthem begins.
Are women supposed to remove their hats, as well as men? Should you place your right hand over your heart as you would when you say the Pledge of Allegiance? Do you face the flag or the singer? -- WANTING TO BE RESPECTFUL
DEAR WANTING: Stand, face the flag, and either sing along or remain silent. Placing your hand over your heart is optional. Men should remove their hats. Women are not required to. Do not eat, drink or converse for the duration of the song, and when it is finished, cheer and clap to your heart's content.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: I had what I thought was a great marriage to "Grant" for nearly 15 years. Like many women, as I entered my 30s, I became bored and unhappy and, as our marriage suffered, I blamed it all on him. (I mean, wasn't he supposed to keep me happy?)
To make a long story short, I filed for divorce. Grant was shocked. I don't think he would have ever filed. It devastated our 10-year-old son and 8-year-old daughter.
It has been three years since our divorce became final, and after a series of boyfriends -- each more disappointing than the last -- I still haven't found what I'm looking for. Grant has had only two girlfriends since, and he is fairly infatuated with the woman he is seeing now.
Our children adore their dad, and I now realize how handsome, how nice, and what a great man Grant really is. I now believe he really is my soul mate.
Did I make the biggest mistake of my life? Can I, or should I even try to win him back? Help me, Abby! -- REGRETFUL IN MICHIGAN
DEAR REGRETFUL: The answer is yes to all three questions. Sometimes we don't appreciate what we have until we lose it.
Before you start campaigning to win him back, you would be wise to get some counseling to be sure you're serious about wanting him back and not acting out of frustration about your inability to connect with another man.
If it turns out that Grant really is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, pray that he is more forgiving than most would be after having been hurt the way he was. It will take a miracle for him to forgive you. But miracles have been known to happen. And you'll never know unless you try.
DEAR ABBY: My 90-year-old grandmother had been a devoted member of her church for more than 50 years. She has been homebound for the last two years. The first of each month, she continues to send 10 percent of her Social Security check to her church, hand-delivered by friends and family -- whoever is attending.
Is my grandmother's pastor required by a "higher power" to come to her house on a regular basis to visit and pray with her, so that she feels she's still a part of her church community?
During the past year, my grandmother's pastor has come by her home only once. Grandma's modest home is always spotless, and she is pleasant to be around -- she's just old and lonely.
Her world has always revolved around her church, and now is the time that she needs their support. To tell you the truth, I'm so disappointed by their lack of compassion, it will be hard to look at those church people if they show up at her funeral. -- VENTING IN OKLAHOMA
DEAR VENTING: There is no excuse for your grandmother to be ignored any longer. Whoever takes her money to the church next time should have a heart-to-heart chat with the pastor and tell him or her what you have written to me.
The responsibility to visit belongs not only to the pastor, but to the elders, deacons and the church members in general. Sometimes there is even a committee of volunteers to minister to the needy, elderly and infirm.
DEAR ABBY: My grandmother died recently, and while going through a box of old photographs I was reminded of some advice you've given to readers: Always write the names of the people (and the date the picture was taken) on the back of your photographs.
One of my grandmother's snapshots was of a lady and a dog. Neatly printed on the back was, "Me and my dog." -- SAM IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR SAM: It could have been worse. It could have said, "Me and my gal," signed with a paw print.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)