DEAR ABBY: I am a married man in my 30s, with two adorable little babies at home. My sex life with my wife is very good. I have no complaints at all. My problem is my feelings.
I love my wife and do not cheat; however, I desire other women. I have an instinctual desire to procreate. I can't afford more babies. In fact, my wife and I do not want more children.
Other women -- even women I find unattractive -- arouse me. As a result, I avoid looking at female co-workers and have become very disconnected at work. Even though I don't act upon my instinctual urges, I still wrestle with them.
Abby, how does a man get past this? Every woman I see makes me feel like I am in heat. -- FIGHTING TESTOSTERONE IN TWIN FALLS
DEAR FIGHTING: Schedule an appointment with your physician to find out of there's a physical reason your hormones are in overdrive. If your problem isn't physical, ask for a referral to a psychotherapist who can help you to understand this obsession before it negatively impacts your career or your marriage. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I am a college freshman. I am very happy. However, there is a large void in my life that I would like to fill. Abby, I want a baby. Not just any baby -- I want a particular man's baby for genetic reasons. I have asked him to help me, but he says he has to think about it.
I do not want anything from this man other than his seed. I tell him that after I get pregnant, he can walk away and never look at me again. I am not trying to tie him down or ask for child support.
How can I convince this attractive man that I really do not want anything from him but the privilege of bearing his child? -- LOOKING FOR FULFILLMENT
DEAR LOOKING: This isn't the answer you're looking for, but you are jumping the gun. As a college freshman, have you given serious thought to the emotional, physical and financial obligations you'll undertake along with motherhood?
It's imperative that you finish your education before taking on the added challenge of being a single parent. Once you are established in a career, you'll be better able to afford the help you'll need. It's a myth that one woman can "do it all" without compromise.
DEAR ABBY: The "birds and bees" stories in your column have given me great amusement. I have one from a different angle.
I was writing a story set in the Old West, and as research for it (with some reservations) I asked both my widowed grandmothers, who were born in the 1890s, about their sex education. They were both happy to share.
One said that her mother had told her nothing. She had learned everything from female cousins and books.
The other grandmother said that her parents had been quite modern for their time. They had told her everything. Here she paused and thought for a moment. Then with a twinkle in her eye, she said, "But they neglected to say what a rewarding experience it could be!" -- MARY ALEXANDER, SACRAMENTO
DEAR MARY: Your grandmother's parents believed in the element of surprise.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
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