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by Abigail Van Buren

DEAR ABBY: I have an almost surefire cure for "Vulture's Prey," the woman and her husband who are being stalked by his ex-wife who jogs, bikes and skates around their house. The couple should make a big show of videotaping her. (They should include a newspaper shot in order to show the date the incident is occurring.)

The woman may be furious, but she will most likely stop. At the very least, the couple will have well-documented evidence to substantiate the necessity for a restraining order. -- BEEN THERE IN TEXAS

DEAR BEEN THERE: Clever suggestion. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I would like to comment on the letter from "Vulture's Prey," who complained that she and her husband were robbed of their privacy by his ex-wife. I, too, am a second wife. My husband's ex showed up wherever we were. When we were first married, it drove me crazy.

Abby, your advice was right on. However, I would add that "Prey" should start meeting the ex-wife -- and jog WITH her! I'll bet that within days the ex will change the location of her afternoon run. When I started sitting and talking with my husband's first wife at ball games and school functions, she began arriving late and sitting as far away from me as possible. Sign me ... NICE TO WIFE NO. 1

DEAR NICE: You turned the tables on her -- that's interesting. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I agree with you that the ex-wife needs to get on with her life. However, my situation is different.

My ex-husband comes to our house every day and has become friends with my husband. They spend a great deal of time together.

My ex has custody of our son, but he brings him along when he comes over. Our marriage didn't work, but the friendship has lasted for more than 10 years. -- HAPPY WITH HUBBIES

DEAR HAPPY: Congratulations on the level of tolerance and maturity exhibited by all of you.

DEAR ABBY: In response to "Vulture's Prey," I had a similar experience with my ex-mother-in-law. Rather than call and complain, I realized she would always be our son's grandmother whether I liked it or not, so I decided to make an effort to talk with her whenever I saw her. I made a point of thanking her for gifts to our son, telling her what a great time he had visiting with her, inviting her in to visit with him, etc.

Once she realized that her "spying" no longer fazed me, she stopped. We are now on good terms. I believe the warm relationship I have with my son's grandparents and with his dad's first wife are the reason our son is so well adjusted. -- SATISFIED WIFE AND STEPMOM IN BOUNTIFUL, UTAH

DEAR SATISFIED: That may be true. But a large part of it also has to do with you.

DEAR ABBY: At our ages (70 and 78) we average about three funerals a year. Our problem is what to say to the bereaved. I can usually come up with something to say to the spouse, but when it comes to other relatives, who may not know who we are, we're at a loss for words. Any suggestions, Abby? -- TWO SENIORS IN LAKE HAVASU CITY, ARIZ.

DEAR SENIORS: Take the initiative and introduce yourselves warmly, explain your relationship to the deceased -- "An old friend from ..." "Worked with him at ..." "We were golfing buddies ..." -- and say, "We are so sorry for your loss. He/she will be missed."

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

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