CONFIDENTIAL TO "DAIRY QUEEN" IN DUBUQUE: "If happiness truly consisted of physical ease and freedom from care, then the happiest individual would not be either a man or a woman; it would be, I think, an American cow." -- William Lyon Phelps (1865-1943).
Camp Directors Need Parents' Support to Help Keep Kids Safe
DEAR ABBY: I have been a camp director for 14 years. I strongly disagree with one of the suggestions offered by "Frustrated in Georgia" to parents when selecting a camp for their children.
She suggested that if parents "drop in" on a session and are not permitted to see their little camper in action, the parents should ask WHY they cannot be allowed to meet their children, wherever they happen to be at the time.
Security is a big concern. To limit intruders, everyone must check in at the office. Also, it has been my experience that if kids see their parents -- or even other kids' parents -- it can trigger homesickness.
The rest of the advice to parents was excellent, but I would like to add two more suggestions:
First, make sure that your camper is never allowed to wander without supervision.
Second, encourage your camper to follow safety rules, even if you don't agree with the rules.
Example: We ask our campers to wear socks and closed-toe shoes because of the terrain. Tops with sleeves are also a requirement, in order to limit sunburn at high elevations.
You would be amazed how many parents don't agree with these rules and let their children know it! Those are the kids we have the hardest time keeping safe.
We've had parents scoff because we limit desserts, try to serve healthy food, and ask each child to drink water instead of soda pop at every meal. Parents send bags of candy with their kids and instruct them not to tell the counselor. Abby, near our campsites, there are bears that love candy.
Please let parents know that most camp employees are dedicated to keeping their children safe and healthy, but we need their support. -- CALIFORNIA CAMP DIRECTOR
DEAR CAMP DIRECTOR: When everybody knows the rules in advance and follows them, a lot of confusion and misunderstanding can be avoided. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I worked at a camp for several summers and would like to add further suggestions for parents:
(1) Check to see if the camp is accredited by the American Camping Association. I had to go through a couple of the accreditation visits, and they are rigorous. Plumbing and sleeping facilities are thoroughly checked, and random interviews with counselors take place to ensure that everyone is well versed on safety precautions and procedures.
(2) If you have a problem with the camp, let the camp director know. Those in charge may be unaware of the problem, and there is no way to remedy it if they are not notified.
Thanks, Abby. -- FORMER CAMP COUNSELOR
DEAR FORMER CAMP COUNSELOR: Thank you for bringing this organization to my attention. The ACA accredits more than 2,000 camps, all of which must comply with up to 300 standards for health, safety and program quality. Its mission is to educate camp owners -- particularly in the area of health and safety -- but also to assist the public in choosing camps that meet both industry-accepted and government standards.
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SON NIXES 'PARTY ANIMAL' AT HIS BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION
DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced for eight years, and have recently become good friends again with my ex-husband. He has always been an attentive father to our 11-year-old son.
Last year, after a second divorce, my ex hooked up with a woman half his age. She's a 21-year-old ex-stripper who hasn't worked a day since she met him. I'm not one to pass judgment, but this gal is a clingy, lazy gold-digger who spends my ex's money like it grows on trees. She's also moody, demanding, and a "party animal," according to our son and my ex's other son.
The problem lies with our boy. He detests this female. She tags along for every father/son event and refuses to stay at home even when my ex drives our boy back and forth for visitation.
Our son's birthday is coming up, and I am throwing him a party. He really wants his dad there -- but NOT his dad's girlfriend. His dad doesn't want to hurt her feelings, and I don't want to cause any scenes. How can I resolve this? -- FAITHFUL FLORIDA READER
DEAR READER: OK, your ex's girlfriend is flawed, insecure and ever-present. If you bring up her shortcomings again, he will only become defensive.
Encourage your son to explain to his father how important it is to him to spend some time alone with him. Most boys need one-on-one with a role model -- a time for "man to man" conversation and bonding. The presence of a third party, regardless how ravishing she may be, prevents this. And while he's on the subject, he should tell Dad the nicest gift he could have for his birthday would be the woman's absence at his party. It may not work -- but I guarantee it will open up some interesting dialogue.
DEAR ABBY: I have read letters in your column from former students about teachers who inspired them and made a positive difference in their lives. However, my story is the opposite.
In my sophomore year of high school, my algebra teacher warped my thinking regarding mathematics. On more than one occasion, she informed me that I was a "stupid sophomore," and would "never amount to anything more than a patty flipper."
This woman had taught for many years, but no one in my class ever asked questions for fear of being ridiculed in front of everyone. Students who were in her classes long before me said she had always been like that.
I am now 25, a college graduate, and have a good job in the medical field. If there are any teachers reading this, PLEASE remember that what you say can stay with your students the rest of their lives. More emphasis should be put on the importance of good teachers and how much they are needed by new generations.
That teacher made a difference in my life, and it was anything but positive. I often wonder if I would have been better in math had my experience been different.
Thanks for letting me vent, Abby. Sign me ... DISGRUNTLED STUDENT WHO HASN'T FORGOTTEN
DEAR DISGRUNTLED: You have written an important letter. Young people often judge themselves by reactions they receive from others.
I saw a similar incident when I was an eighth-grader. In front of the class, my teacher predicted that an awkward young man "would never amount to anything." Of course, the students laughed at him -- and I learned later how devastating it was for him because his mother and mine were close friends.
The story has a happy ending, however. The boy grew up and became a successful lawyer. The only "failure" was the teacher, who didn't recognize potential when he saw it.
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Necking Couple in Dorm Room Needs Lesson in Consideration
DEAR ABBY: I am a college freshman with a roommate problem. Her name is "Sheryl." (From what my friends say, my problem is not unique.)
Sheryl and her boyfriend, "Steve," are very affectionate. They're not shy about displaying their affection for each other in front of me.
The tiny dorm room I share with Sheryl is where I sleep and study, but I am constantly distracted by the sounds of their loud make-out sessions, and their mushy baby talk makes me want to gag! Whether I'm writing an essay, talking on the phone or e-mailing, Steve and Sheryl can usually be found on the next bed kissing and carrying on as though I don't exist. No matter how many hints I drop, Sheryl seems clueless about what a problem her behavior is for me.
I may not be the perfect roommate, but I try to be quiet and considerate when Sheryl is trying to study. And I don't call my boyfriend sickening names when someone else is around.
For the sake of aggravated roomies everywhere, what can be done? -- ANNOYED IN SANTA CRUZ, CALIF.
DEAR ANNOYED: Stop hinting and speak clearly. When people think they're in love, they sometimes tend to tune out the obvious. If you need to study and your roommate's amorous activities are distracting, tell her and her boyfriend they'll have to knock it off or find someplace else to indulge. And don't feel defensive about it. The primary purpose of college is to study and to graduate.
If that doesn't work, apply for a change in roommates -- preferably one with similar goals as yours.
DEAR ABBY: I am being married this summer. My fiance and I are having a tropical Hawaiian theme wedding and reception at a beautiful hotel overlooking the Pacific Ocean. Our invitations were mailed two weeks ago.
Yesterday, we received an invitation from my future brother- and sister-in-law. They are having a backyard potluck luau the weekend before our wedding.
Abby, I feel hurt and angry. I don't know whether to attend their party or not. What should I do? -- GOING COCONUTS
DEAR GOING COCONUTS: Your hurt and anger are understandable, considering the fact your future in-laws have co-opted the theme of the wedding. The week prior to your big day is sure to be packed with last-minute details that could prevent you from attending the potluck. Keep it as stress-free as possible. If you are too busy to attend, no one could blame you.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)