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by Abigail Van Buren

Divorce Announcements Produce Singular Effect

DEAR ABBY: My about-to-be-ex-husband and I have friends who should be notified that he has a new address and phone number. He agrees that we should let our friends know before Christmas.

I am planning to create announcements on my computer and mail them to the people on our Christmas card list. What do you think? Is it acceptable to send divorce announcements? -- DIVORCED IN KANSAS

DEAR DIVORCED: Yes, and it's a subject that has been addressed before in my column.

While a computer-generated announcement may seem like less work, a more personal touch would be to write a short note to your friends and family that you and "John" have amicably gone your separate ways.

Since you're no longer a couple, your former husband should shoulder the responsibility for notifying his friends and relatives about his contact information.

Read on for my favorite tongue-in-cheek divorce announcements:


After six years

Lester and Betty

Have seen the light.

Married Nov. 8, 1966

Divorced Nov. 6, 1972

Both are happily back

in circulation.

Call Lester: 555-6500 (after 9:00 p.m.)

Betty: 555-1115 (any time)


Coleen and Michael G. Lamour

have parted amicably and

without rancor.

Coleen is once again happily

Ms. Coleen Mahoney

Residing at the Honeycreek Towers.

Michael's permanent residence

is now on his boat: "I, Pagliacci,"

Where he will continue to drift

aimlessly ... forever!


Lionel and Jane

announce with pleasure

the severance of all

legal and/or other bonds

that may have existed

between their daughter

Janet and That Boy.

With the new month of August

Janet enters into a new

and beautiful single life.

As for That Boy --

May the Great Honcho in the sky

love him and keep him --

someplace else.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

4520 Main St., Kansas City, Mo. 64111; (816) 932-6600